Veteran kickballer Rob had the best game of his career, driving in three runs to lead #FirstWorldProblems to a 9-1 victory over Controlled Chaos last week.
The win left the Hashtags in second place with 5.5 points and in strong position to earn a first-round bye in the upcoming playoffs.
"We are in strong position to earn a first-round bye in the upcoming playoffs," Captain Colin said.
Los Problemos got the run-scorin' off to an early start as Big drove in Amit from the clean-up spot and then scored on a RKI single from Seamus. Controlled Chaos chipped away with one run in the bottom of the first, but that would be all they scored for the night. Rob drove in Amanda with a sacrifice in the second, and Brad added two RKI the next inning.
The floodgates opened in the fourth as Seamus, Barrett, Amanda and Shelby all crossed the plate, with the latter two scoring on a single from Rob.
"I wasn't there, but I could smell Hashtag greatness from 14.4 miles away," said Drew, #FWP's absentee pitcher.
#FirstWorldProblems close out the regular season tonight with a rivalry game against Gettin' Cider. A win will guarantee the team at least a second-place finish, while a tie or loss will plunge them into a math-filled haze of tiebreaker confusion.
A kickball blog for the ages. Here shall the adventures and achievements of championship kickballers be recorded. This season, let us recognize: THE PINK TEAM!
#FirstWorldProblems tie up their Heroes
#FirstWorldProblems continued their three-game unbeaten streak Wednesday night, holding on for a 2-2 tie against Kickball Heroes.
The Hashtags faced almost certain defeat in the bottom of the fifth inning, as the Heroes loaded the bases with only one out. But strong pitching and defense got them out of the jam.
"Strong pitching and defense got us out of the jam," Captain Colin said.
#FirstWorldProblems jumped out to a 1-0 lead in the top of the first, with Seamus driving in the speedy Yuval. The Heroes fired back with two runs in the bottom of the inning and held the lead until the fourth. Game MVP Eric led off with a double and scored the tying run on a sacrifice by outfielder Jamie, whose father was not impressed.
"Isn't the outfield where you hide your players that are terrible?" he said.
The tie put #FWP's record at 4-1-1 for the season, good enough for fifth place, with two games left in the regular season.
"We should be given more credit," said the vociferous Brow. "We held them to a tie. Only other team to do so is Stewie's [Sexy Party]."
The Hashtags faced almost certain defeat in the bottom of the fifth inning, as the Heroes loaded the bases with only one out. But strong pitching and defense got them out of the jam.
"Strong pitching and defense got us out of the jam," Captain Colin said.
#FirstWorldProblems jumped out to a 1-0 lead in the top of the first, with Seamus driving in the speedy Yuval. The Heroes fired back with two runs in the bottom of the inning and held the lead until the fourth. Game MVP Eric led off with a double and scored the tying run on a sacrifice by outfielder Jamie, whose father was not impressed.
"Isn't the outfield where you hide your players that are terrible?" he said.
The tie put #FWP's record at 4-1-1 for the season, good enough for fifth place, with two games left in the regular season.
"We should be given more credit," said the vociferous Brow. "We held them to a tie. Only other team to do so is Stewie's [Sexy Party]."
Problems Take Presidents To the Polls: Vote For the Other Guy
When the dust settled, leaving the Hashtags 8-5 victors, both participants and observers knew they’d seen something special.
“It was an amazing game,” said Co-Captain Big. “Two like teams with similar rosters and drives to win, you knew it was going to be close. I’m just glad we were able to pull out a W.”
“When the going gets tough, the #Problems get going,” crowed RF Tristan. “Unless the going gets really tough, like when the barista messes up your order. That just ruins your day.”
“In order to take down these Presidents, we knew we had to bring all our Problems to the field,” said Asian.
Through the first three innings, the teams were locked together, with defensive and offensive contributions coming from all corners. In the fourth inning, however, the #Problems were able to take the lead for good with a two run-sacrifice by game MVP Angela.
With the win, the #Problems are rolling going into week 6 when they will face off against perennial rivals Gettin’ Cider.
#FirstWorldProblems Split Banana Mustache, Put Up Runs in Bunches
It didn’t take long to see that the #Problems were in rare form as they plated 12 runs in the first two innings.
“I think there must’ve been something in the light beer we drank before the game,” said a winded Co-Captain Big, who connected for three homeruns and 10 RKIs on the night. “But we clearly need to drink more of it.”
Nick, also on a tear this season after posting a goose-egg average this summer, connected for a homerun of his own in the second inning.
“Days after that blast to right field and I’m still catching my breath,” he said. “This is one of the few times I’ve actually kicked the ball where I intended and was glad I could contribute to the team’s success. I’ve never had to run around so many bases before and I’ve been looking for ways to shorten the trip.”
The offensive explosion was also helped along in the second inning by a booming triple by Amit who channeled his inner Adam Jensen: “I finally learned how to use my bionic leg!” (Editor’s note: Actually Amit’s an MIT alum, so this talk of bionic appendages may be more based on reality than the latest chapter in the Deus Ex videogame franchise.)
Defensively, the #Hashtags had contributions all over the field despite the chill. In the later innings, Shelby made a Top Ten-worthy snag at her shoe laces in the middle infield to stop a promising Mustache rally.
“I’m still reeling from that catch!” exulted Shelby. “I can't believe I actually caught it; I don't think I realized that I even went for it until I caught the ball!”
The #Problems don’t have long to revel in their win, however, as a short week means they have a quick turnaround for their much-anticipated matchup against bitter(-ish?) rivals: ExPresidents 2: Frontier Justice.
“Matrix: Reloaded, Temple of Doom, Rush Hour 2, Shanghai Knights: These are the sort of sequels we expect to see out of these guys,” said Big. “All sequels are terrible is what I’m saying… well, except for Two Towers… And Back to the Future 2… D2: The Mighty Ducks was pretty good, they got Keenan…”
#FirstWorldProblems Find Pitches, Place in Lost and Found
Fielding an unusually light roster of only 17, the #Problems’ bench felt positively sparse at times. The lily whites would not be discouraged, however, making up for numbers with volume. And with the help of honorary #Problem (and actual Ex-President) Phil and the callback Team Your Team Could Smell Like playlist on his Loud box, the away team was able to plate four quick runs in the first to give the Pitches an uphill battle for the rest of the game.
The Benny Hill moment of the night came in the top of the fourth when, with bases loaded, the #Problems were able to capitalize on a couple of rare Pitches throwing errors and some base path errors of their own to plate two runs thanks to some overeager running by Jamie and an opportunistic (and squirrely) Asian.
“We call it the ‘Crouching Asian, Hidden Jamie!’” said Jamie. “Yeah, we're special. We got what it takes!”
Game MVP Seamus, who initiated the play and drove in three of the #Problems’ runs on the night, was elated. “It makes me feel, um, good...”
Rookie Lara (“Doctor P”) saw her first WAKA action on the night, having finally been lured into kickball by husband Tristan. Sambas may have outshone her on-field experience on the night, however. “Whenever I go to Sambas, I know I can expect marital advice from the bartender and unbelievably delicious cake (or at least one of the two?).”
The #FirstWorldProblems are off to a fast start this season. Kickball, cake and pitchers are a good Wednesday night by anybody’s standards.
Free agents shine in #FirstWorldProblems debut
#FirstWorldProblems got off to a strong start with a 12-1 victory Wednesday night. Newcomers Brad (game MVP) and Jamie made instant impacts, going a combined 4-for-4 with 3 RKI and 3 runs scored.
"We're coming out strong this season," said Big, who reached base twice, with 1 RKI and 2 runs scored. "We clearly won the off-season race, picking up a handful of future kickball superstars. Those moves are already paying dividends. The top teams in the league are soon going to realize they've got #Problems to deal with."
#FWP put up seven runs in the first inning and relied on strong defense and Big's pitching to keep the opposition at bay. When asked for comment, star infielder Nancy replied, "Really? Did I do something special?"
When informed that she went 1-for-2 with 2 RKI, Nancy added, "Oh. Right."
The win was a strong team effort, with other run producers and scorers including Amanda, Pete, Frey, Colin, Big, Seamus and Shelby.
The #Hashtag Revolution
"Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive and don't ever apologize for anything." - Harry S. Truman
As stolen from a better speech:
Let's set the record straight. There is no argument over the choice between winning and fun, but there is only one guaranteed way you can have winning--and you can have it in the next second--sobriety.
Admittedly there is a risk in any course we follow other than this, but every lesson in history tells us that the greater risk lies in apathy, and this is the specter our well-meaning sober friends refuse to face--that their policy of seriousness is assanine, and it gives no choice between winning and fun, only between play and apathy. If we continue to accommodate, continue to back and retreat from these tea tottlers, eventually we have to face the final demand--the ultimatum. And what then? When Stewies Sexy Party has told their people he knows what our answer will be? He has told them that we are retreating under the pressure of the Vegas Cup, and someday when the time comes to deliver the ultimatum, our sobriety will be voluntary because by that time we will have weakened from within spiritually, morally, and economically. They believe this because from our side he has heard voices pleading for "winning at any price" or "better Win than Fun," or as one commentator put it, he would rather "win on his feet than fuck on his back." And therein lies the road to apathy, because those voices don't speak for the rest of us. You and I know and do not believe that winning is so dear and playing so sweet as to be purchased at the price of boredom and sobriety. If nothing in life is worth drinking for, when did this begin--just in the face of this enemy? Or should Shookie not have made "shoes" for the Hippos? Should Ray have never shown up? Should Tristan and Seamus not have shown up slinging rum and Diet Coke? The drunks of our history were not fools, and our honored retired who gave their drinks to stop the advance of Gettin' Cider didn't die in vain. Where, then, is the road to fun? Well, it's a simple answer after all.
You and I have the courage to say to our enemies, "There is a price we will not pay." There is a point beyond which they must not advance. Winston Churchill said "I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly." And he said, "There is something going on in time and space, and beyond time and space, which, whether we like it or not, spells Happy Hour."
You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this, the last best hope of drinking in WAKA, or we will sentence them to take the last step into a thousand years of sobriety.
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