#FirstWorldProblems tie up their Heroes

#FirstWorldProblems continued their three-game unbeaten streak Wednesday night, holding on for a 2-2 tie against Kickball Heroes.

The Hashtags faced almost certain defeat in the bottom of the fifth inning, as the Heroes loaded the bases with only one out. But strong pitching and defense got them out of the jam.

"Strong pitching and defense got us out of the jam," Captain Colin said.

#FirstWorldProblems jumped out to a 1-0 lead in the top of the first, with Seamus driving in the speedy Yuval. The Heroes fired back with two runs in the bottom of the inning and held the lead until the fourth. Game MVP Eric led off with a double and scored the tying run on a sacrifice by outfielder Jamie, whose father was not impressed.

"Isn't the outfield where you hide your players that are terrible?" he said.

The tie put #FWP's record at 4-1-1 for the season, good enough for fifth place, with two games left in the regular season.

"We should be given more credit," said the vociferous Brow. "We held them to a tie. Only other team to do so is Stewie's [Sexy Party]."

Problems Take Presidents To the Polls: Vote For the Other Guy

The rivalry between the #FirstWorldProblems and Ex-Presidents goes back years (in kickball time, so a year), so this season’s meeting promised to be an exciting matchup.

When the dust settled, leaving the Hashtags 8-5 victors, both participants and observers knew they’d seen something special.

“It was an amazing game,” said Co-Captain Big. “Two like teams with similar rosters and drives to win, you knew it was going to be close. I’m just glad we were able to pull out a W.”

Other players were invigorated by the Lily Whites’ success.

“When the going gets tough, the #Problems get going,” crowed RF Tristan. “Unless the going gets really tough, like when the barista messes up your order. That just ruins your day.”

“In order to take down these Presidents, we knew we had to bring all our Problems to the field,” said Asian.

Through the first three innings, the teams were locked together, with defensive and offensive contributions coming from all corners. In the fourth inning, however, the #Problems were able to take the lead for good with a two run-sacrifice by game MVP Angela.

“I like kickball!” shouted Angela. “I also enjoy dancing, drinks and long walks on the beach at sunset! I also like Matthew McConaughey! I thought he was excellent in The Lincoln Lawyer!”

With the win, the #Problems are rolling going into week 6 when they will face off against perennial rivals Gettin’ Cider.

#FirstWorldProblems Split Banana Mustache, Put Up Runs in Bunches

The coldest Wednesday of the young season saw the #Hashtags face off against plucky Banana Mustache.

It didn’t take long to see that the #Problems were in rare form as they plated 12 runs in the first two innings.

“I think there must’ve been something in the light beer we drank before the game,” said a winded Co-Captain Big, who connected for three homeruns and 10 RKIs on the night. “But we clearly need to drink more of it.”

Nick, also on a tear this season after posting a goose-egg average this summer, connected for a homerun of his own in the second inning.

“Days after that blast to right field and I’m still catching my breath,” he said. “This is one of the few times I’ve actually kicked the ball where I intended and was glad I could contribute to the team’s success. I’ve never had to run around so many bases before and I’ve been looking for ways to shorten the trip.”

The offensive explosion was also helped along in the second inning by a booming triple by Amit who channeled his inner Adam Jensen: “I finally learned how to use my bionic leg!” (Editor’s note: Actually Amit’s an MIT alum, so this talk of bionic appendages may be more based on reality than the latest chapter in the Deus Ex videogame franchise.)

Defensively, the #Hashtags had contributions all over the field despite the chill. In the later innings, Shelby made a Top Ten-worthy snag at her shoe laces in the middle infield to stop a promising Mustache rally.

“I’m still reeling from that catch!” exulted Shelby. “I can't believe I actually caught it; I don't think I realized that I even went for it until I caught the ball!”

The #Problems don’t have long to revel in their win, however, as a short week means they have a quick turnaround for their much-anticipated matchup against bitter(-ish?) rivals: ExPresidents 2: Frontier Justice.

“Matrix: Reloaded, Temple of Doom, Rush Hour 2, Shanghai Knights: These are the sort of sequels we expect to see out of these guys,” said Big. “All sequels are terrible is what I’m saying… well, except for Two Towers… And Back to the Future 2… D2: The Mighty Ducks was pretty good, they got Keenan…”