Spices Get On Their Horse: Kick Season Off With a Bam

As advertised, The Team Your Team Could Smell Like came to MA Patriot’s Opening Day ready to play as they began their 2010 Founders' Cup campaign.

With a final score of 12-1, the slightly-more-maroon-and-less-cardinal-red-than-expected Spices gave Where My Pitches At a veritable trouncing as both teams shook off the rust and reacquainted themselves with Cambridge Common.

The scoring came fast and heavy in the first, starting with a grand slam by Big before the Pitches had recorded an out. RBIs by Phil, JP and Spartacus piled it on.

The Pitches managed to get on the board in the bottom of the frame with a run of their own, but the fresh defense snuffed any thought of an answering rally.

The Spices then got back into the swing of the things in the second with a two run single by Thug and an RBI double by rookie Melanie.

“Wait, I got an RBI? Awesome!” said Melanie.

Heads up baserunning, all-around hustle and the new kickballs served the Spices well as the team managed to get through the entire kicking order twice; a rare feat in WAKA kickball.

“It felt good getting back out there and putting a charge into the ball,” panted Captain Big, fresh from rounding the bases. “They’re new, so it’s like we’re kicking with corked bats. Give it two weeks and the balls will flab out and it’ll be like kicking a water balloon.”

The Team Your Team Could Smell Like didn’t reserve all of its adventures for the basepaths, however. The veteran kickballers fielded like two-time champions, as well.

Captain Monkeybutt made a pair of strong grabs in the hot corner and would’ve had a great heads up tag out had the runner not exhibited the reflexes of a ninja cat.

The Pitches’ bunt threat was shut down by heads up play behind the plate as Brow chased down a short-kick and tagged the Pitches’ captain out himself.

The play of the night, however, came in the third when, with runners on and two outs, the Pitches’ kicker caught all of a Big slider and sent the ball bombing into deep center. CF Ray, who had taken his first step in when the ball was kicked (A cardinal sin in the outfield), quickly back-pedaled, tripped over his own feet and, as he fell, caught and held onto the plummeting ball. All of Cambridge Common erupted as Ray got to his feet, still clutching the ball to his chest.

“I just saw the ball was going to hit me in the face (that’s what she said) so I closed my eyes (that’s what she said) and the next thing I knew I was on my back (that’s what she said) and the ball was in my hands (that’s what she said),” said the game MVP.

Co-Captain Colin “Man of” Steele was jubilant. “This game showed just how dominant we can be when we're not drunk on the field. Maybe we should stay sober all season... Oh, who am I kidding?”

The Spices celebrated deep into the night, showing off the new Glass Dildo Memorial MVP trophy. Big bought a pitcher for the Pitches’ first baseman whose nose Asian managed to bloody during the game. And the Spices found themselves fighting off a pair of drunk Russian Bond girls who (understandably) took a shine to their trademark socks. The Team Your Team Could Smell Like isn’t about to give up their footwear without a fight, however, which is what makes them champions… Though, hearing that a player from another team sold his socks to the girls for a pair of pitchers may change some minds…

The Spices are looking forward to carrying this momentum into next week when they face the upstart Ballstars 4.0.

Captain's Note: Booze and Rain

Greetings Kickballers!

As promised, I wanted to send out an email to everyone regarding alcohol.

Again, I'd ask that, this week, everyone refrain from bringing any sort of alcohol to the field, be it mixed, jello-d or hidden in a paper bag. I asked and, even bringing Solo cups to the field that aren't filled with alcohol is banned as it was ubiquitous red cups that led to another league having their permits pulled when suspicious neighbors called the cops and parks department to complain.

Tippi did say that people might be able to bring stuff mixed in store-bought bottles, but maybe we'll consider that for future weeks. For the time being: NO booze on the fields, plzkthx!

In other news...

Predictably, Tippi's been less than sympathetic to concerns regarding Harvard's commencement, falling to her well-worn excuse: "We've played on Commencement before and it wasn't a problem."

So, while it's infuriating, it may also be moot as the weather gauge is dropping and we may be rained out, anyway.

If that's the case, Tippi's promised to call all the captains by 4 pm on Thursday so that we can let our players know before they head for the fields.

If, for some reason, you don't think an email sent out around 4 in the afternoon will be in time to keep you from heading out to the field, lemme know and I'll call/text you (If I don't already have your number, lemme know that, as well).

All right, on these downer notes, let's get pumped for Thursday! I heard that Where My Pitches At hate freedom and all drive Hummer3s. They're fans of the Yankees' AAA baseball team the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Yankees, but only because they like the hats. They know only two facts about ducks and both of them are wrong. They fill their kickballs with pure carbon dioxide and then, when they kick, try to pop the balls so that they can contribute to global warming because they think it means they won't have to wear the lovely knit sweater their aunt gave them at Christmas/Hanukkah... which they don't celebrate!!!

Let's get these jerks!

Captain Big
The Team Your Team Could Smell Like

"It's like O'Henry, and Alanis Morissette had a baby, and named it THIS EXACT SITUATION!"


Greetings Spices!

Opening day cometh! We are now 7 days away! It's the Final Countdown! (You are encouraged to listen in another tab while you read on.)

First, for the short attention spans (*cough* Brennan)...

  • WHEN: 6:30(5/27)


  • WHO: WHERE MY PITCHES AT (Texas Orange... ewwww)


  • Note: We will ref the 7:15 game on Field 2 between Blue Steel and Ballstars 4.0

  • Please let me know if you can or cannot make it!

  • Please remember to bring $8 (in cash, please) for socks and the iron-ons.

  • Remember, also, to bring a red shirt you can wear to the bar OTHER than your WAKA shirt, since that will be coming back with Amanda and I to be washed and ironed-on!

Now, ladies and gentlemen, if you'll indulge me, I'd just like to share a few thoughts...

I've got a good feeling about this season. With all the trials and tribulations the team has been through already -- before a ball has even been kicked -- due to registration issues, communication problems and the Red Sox and Revolution's rocky starts, I think we've been tempered in the fires of a hellish early Spring.

We're ready.

We've had our training montage. We've climbed our Russian mountain (in the snow). We've sanded a Japanese veteran's entire backyard porch/garden/fence/thing. We've sung Greased Lightening and managed to hold off the "That's what she saids" until after the curtain call. We're almost as well-prepared as Jackie Chan... almost

I look back on past successes and I see the future. Why, all one has to do is watch the video to see that there's greatness here. We've made awesomeness a tradition. We're a gosh darn INSTITUTION, people! Tonight (This season), we are the greatest [kickball] team in the world (Cambridge Common... on Thursdays)!

Let's get pumped! It's kickball time, my friends!

Captain Big
The Team Your Team Could Smell Like

“[Kickball] is 90% mental. The other half is physical.” –Yogi Berra... if Yogi had played kickball...