Robbies Slime Kickelodeon in Quarterfinal Blowout

The Rampaging Trilobites entered the 2012 MA Patriot Playoffs riding high on an 8 game win streak in which they consistently exhibited a comfortable dominance over the rest of the league.

Tom goes deep.
However, if Munt and Flip history has taught us anything, the team’s biggest enemy has been complacence. So the Robbies took the field on Thursday night with a self-assured determination, confident but resolute. Fans tuning in to see a close-fought duel, however, saw a game end almost before it had begun.

 Kickelodeon, who had easily dispatched Gettin’ Cider in their first round, were unprepared for the Robbies’ defensive coolness and offensive ferocity.

With three of the first four Trilobites kickers reaching base, Game MVP Tom stepped into the kicking box with a full plate. One pitch was all he needed to send the ball into deep right center for a grand slam.

The Robbies would then score five more in the bottom of the frame, including a two run triple by Pete.

Allow a ball to drop, then *you* have to drop!
“Being able to kick a triple is no easy feat,” said the breathless first baseman. “Lots of hardwork and practice go into learning just how to handle the ball with your toes. Typically, I lack the forethought to play enough to watch for signs of whether or not I should continue and end up just blowing past in excited anticipation of getting home.  Today, however, I stopped at third for a tease. The extra time spent at third led to a greater climax in the end.”

If the nine run first inning wasn’t enough to take the wind out of the orange team’s sails, a nearly impenetrable Robbie defense did. The defensive star of the night went to catcher Chris, who had three put-outs, including the night’s only double play. When asked what he’s been spiking his muscle milk with, he said, “Saints Flow! If cocaine and coffee fucked in an alley, this would be the baby they left in the trashcan.”

So there’s that.

The Trilobites’ offense would come alive, again, in the bottom of the third inning for six more runs, including RBIs by Big, Nick, two for Charles and two more for Tom.

Reporters caught up with Tom in the locker room after the offensive explosion.

“I knew that if I could get 6 RBIs in the playoffs, I could complain about arbitration in the off season,” said the plucky third baseman. “So the decision to kick a grand slam was purely a financial one, but damn if it didn't feel good.”

With a 14 run deficit, Kick-At-Night developed a keen interest in a refreshing beer and abruptly abandoned their 2012 playoff run after the top of the fourth inning.

Many of the Trilobites joined them, while others descended on the Harvard Square JP Licks where they horrified other ice cream enthusiasts with Internet video tales and Coconut Butter fights.

The Robbies will face off against Das Boot in their Semi-Final match. The Booters will be looking for revenge after their regular season defeat. The Trilobites will not be able to take their foot off the gas if they hope to earn an invite to the storied 2012 WAKA Founders Cup in Las Vegas.

Robbies Mow Down Grass Kickers

The Rampaging Trilobites came into Thursday night’s match against the Grass Kickers in high spirits as they looked to complete their perfect season and go into the 2012 MA Patriot Playoffs with an 8-0 record. 

The Robbies’ offense came out of the gate swinging in the bottom of the first, plating seven runs on RBIs by Phil, Colin, Asian, a triple by Bala and a homerun by Big.

Captain Big attributed the offensive explosion to veteran cunning, physical prowess, and a dogged persistence.

“That, and we kicked the crap out of the ball, today,” he added.

With a commanding lead against a team that was clearly eyeing their bus with longing, the Trilobites would take their foot off the gas and go to a “Kick-away-no-munting” strategy through the rest of the game. The seven runs would prove more than enough to guarantee the win, but the relaxed mindset may have cost Nancy her perfect kicking record on the season, as she had a foul ball caught in the bottom of the fourth inning.

Defensively, the Trilobites were, at times, fighting over scraps, as Phil largely held the Grass Kickers’ offense silent.

Game MVP JP, playing a rare game in the Hot Corner at third base, was given numerous opportunities and he made the most of them, single-handedly accounting for all three outs in the third inning, including an impressive one-armed snag on a roped kick in foul territory.

"Watch and learn Youk/Middlebrooks, see how it's done!" exclaimed the Breathless Buddha. JP holds the distinction of being the only player to win the Game MVP award twice this season.

When reached for comment, Youkilis only said, “I’m over it.”

On the other side of the diamond, Asian had a number of catches of her own, as her competitive streak pushed her to outperform the “other Asian person on the team”. While she nearly had all three outs in the fourth, a short fly that resulted in the third out was caught by a dutifully oblivious Colin at first base.

“The ball belonged to Colin, I was being greedy,” Asian said when asked about calling for a ball that was clearly the first baseman’s to play. “After seeing JP take all three outs in one inning, I had to prove I was the better Asian. I mean, I am the Asian!”

“I'm like a ball magnet,” said Colin. “Whenever balls are in the area, they'll find their way into my hands.”

An otherwise unremarkable game, however, did see the return of the oft-absent Pete at the Lobster Claw position. Pete has missed an unusually large number of games this season for various reasons. When asked how he managed to find the field again, Pete said:

“It was really never about me finding the field. The real story is how the field found me. Fade into a montage of kickball players walking out of a crop of marijuana, and you'll find me at 1st base.”

The Trilobites succeeded in finishing the MA Patriot 2012 season with the maximum possible points, easily earning a first seed placement going into playoffs. A Munt and Flip team has not taken home the Championship hardware since 2009, so the Trilobites will be hoping that this is the year they will earn their third star.

Playoffs will commence on Thursday, July 12. Fans of the Robbies should stay tuned for updates as to when they’ll next see their favorite kickball team in action on Cambridge Common!