As we await word on where this Spring's debauchery and glory will occur, we're forced to live vicariously through the WAKA newsletter.
This last letter was of the Superlative nature as awards were handed out to teams we don't know for a competition we hadn't heard of.
The top spot for "Overall Best Team" went to Relax and Let It Happen from the TX Capital Division in Austin.
On the field, Relax and Let It Happen from the TX Capital Division in Austin has won five consecutive regular season titles and four consecutive division tournament titles, was the 2009 Texas Cup champs going 4-0 and outscored their opponents by a combined score of 20-3 all while closing down the bar the evening before. In their first appearance at the Founders Cup© World Kickball Championship© tournament, they won their first five games by a combined score of 44-0 before losing in the Quarterfinals to the eventual runner-up Best Coast Ballers. Congrats!
Is it unfair for me to look at this photo and immediately recoil? Should I feel guilty for automatically labeling this crew as "Kickball Douchebags"?
What about this photo earns earns the squad that disgust? Is it the shiny shoes? The smug, self-satisfied smiles? The conspicuous lack of girls?
Normally, I'd like to think, I'd pass off this unfiltered assumption-fest as unfair and unwarranted. But this time I hesitate to jump down my own throat so quickly, because we've seen this picture before, often as it's being taken.
Not wearing light blue, of course. Alternatively it's been orange, black and even a ridiculous red camouflage.
These are teams that have been built and designed and, at one time, I had ideas of following a similar strategy (in addition to our already wildly successful squad). They sacrifice the fun for a glory which, at its original core, was a mockery of those that now seek it too seriously. I have, since, abandoned that long-smoldering-but-never-fanned idea, but reading about these choadscrotes only re-enforces that decision.
Their real crime is that, not only do they suck the life out of their own squads, they trod over the spirits of teams who are loyal to the frivolous and pure origins of Adult Co-Ed Recreational Kickball. Our squad, with its ever-changing identity, has been consistent in a few things. Not the least of which, is in an iron-willed grip on reality: We're there to have fun. We are a recreational team that happens to be back-to-back Champions.
I'm looking forward to this coming kickball season because, this season, we're playing with a purpose. We're playing for Vegas.
We're going to do all we can to take all 26 of our team to the Founders' Cup. Not with the idea of winning the whole thing, but with the objective of packing the most ridiculous fun into one long weekend as humanly possible.
Is it defeatist to go in without the objective of bringing home the cup? No, I don't think so, just as not all Olympians are going to Vancouver this month with the plan of bringing home the gold. The goal is the experience. The goal is being there with 25 of your best kickball friends and making that hotel earn its security deposit.
I know there's snow on the ground and a few more dreary chilled months before we can venture, safely, out onto the kickball field without our Jello-shoes turning into Jello-cubes, but I want you to start kindling your kickball fire. Start thinking about what color you want to wear. Better yet, start trolling Boston Globe advice columns and Internet memes for name ideas. We're taking this name to Vegas and putting it up on the board next to any number of tired and overused puns, so this's gonna hafta be a winner.
I look forward to sharing the field with you all this season! For the moment: Stay Frosty!