Spaceballs Shelve Dewey Decimators

It was a damp field that Gone to Plaid stepped onto on Thursday for the second game of the fledgling 2011 MA Patriot season. Spirits were high coming off a decisive victory over Gettin' Cider the previous week and the red-hot Assholes offense was eager to get their kick on, no matter what Mother Nature threw at them.

A slow start saw the Decimators take an early lead in the first with effective bunting and heads up baserunning.

However, the Spaceballs broke through in the second, plating three off of a sac fly by Asian and an impressive two RBI single by game MVP Tristan.

Tristan wasn’t able to hang around to celebrate his career day at the plate, but when reached for comment he said: “It was wet (like your mom). It was slippery (like your mom). But we were raring to go (like your mom). And we scored over and over again (like your mom).”

Gone to Plaid then broke it open with a nine run fourth inning with RBIs by Josh, Nancy, (the recently betrothed and pictured) Kevin, Seamus and Brennan. Captain Big brought home three with his first homerun of the season.

The Decimators would bring in three in the bottom of the inning, but the Spaceballs were able to rely on some uncommon teamwork in the field that helped ensure victory.

First, the recently engaged Kevin and Catie paired up for a catch in shallow left center when Kevin reached up for a pop-up and couldn’t find a grip. Catie, backing up her partner, was able to pluck the falling ball out of the air before it hit the ground to make the out.

“It was wet out there, which is how I like it,” said the blushing bride-to-be. “I was just glad I could get behind my fiancĂ© and catch his slippery ball! Feeling great now that I have a Schwartz all my own!”

The defensive adventures continued in the next inning when Kevin was able to help out teammate Kate in right center. As the ball floated, threatening to land behind her, Kate was able to tip the ball right into Kevin’s arms.

“It’s much easier to pitch a ball game when you know you’ve got fielders out there who are so willing to work together,” said Big, who would do well to follow his own advice. It was his gaff in the infield that led to a pair of opportunistic runs for the Decimators in the fourth.

The jubilant Assholes made their way to a mercifully crowded Tommy Doyle’s to raise a glass. Seamus, after raising a few glasses, said “We hope to continue to bring the spirit, and the beard, of Thomas Doyle to each and every game for the remainder of the season.”

Words to live by… I think…

Gone to Plaid will hit the field next week against long-time rivals Blue St- erm Big Blue WINNING! MaSheen.


  1. Look at those stats...they're so sexy.

  2. I'm glad you had fun times at the damp field. Sounds like kickball was fun, too!