The Munt and Flip: 2009

Thanks for the Memories.

Friday will be the New Year, a new decade, and eventually a new season. I'm already thinking about being drunk in some uncut city park grass on a Sunday afternoon, working on a tan I'll never get.

Part of the reason i keep playing is the drinking and the friends, but the majority is I’ve always been a big fan of the underdog. We’ve talked about making a competitive team for the 2010 season, but part of me thinks we should still take a handful of randoms, a hibachi and some Sunday field space and make a competitive team – not assemble one.

The memories I hold onto are the ones in the playoffs, where the struggling outfielders who had little success all season come up with the big catches in the clutch moments, or when an unexpected frozen rope to the shortfield gap rips a close game wide open. All of this is never more fun than when its shoved down the throat of the planned teams, the kickball equivalent of a cul-de-sac community who never saw the team with a 7-3 record on the periphery, gaining ground and still having more fun than the rest of the teams out there. As they say in politics “David’s still getting good press for beating Goliath.”

I think what most teams miss about kickball is a community they’d ignore unless shoved in their face. I remember being invited to finish a cooler of “skip and go naked” another team was trying to finish before heading to the bar. We sat in the shade, watching the ice cubes melt into the grass, getting progressively drunker, while our future bar tab got progressively smaller.

I hope this isn’t one of those things where I remember it better than it was, but as I walked the overpass catching the wind from passing busses on the pike I for whatever reason went back to that grass in some tucked away park in Somerville, near a highway and a parking plaza and life felt better for some reason. I guess I’ll hold out until April to find out.

All the best,
Brow

Final Grilled Cheese Sandwiches statistics

Congratulations to everyone for a great season, especially these team leaders:

Kicking average: Kern (.769)
Kicks: Kern (10)
RKIs: Eric (8)
Runs: Phil, Eric and Pete (5)

Grilled Cheeses cream the competition

The Grilled Cheese Sandwiches rebounded from a lackluster performance in the first round of the playoffs to handily defeat Kickin' It Old School in last night's Elite Eight, 5-1, and advance to Monday's Final Four.

The second-ranked Sammies next face No. 3 Chicks Like It Tickled, their toughest foe to date, with the winner earning a spot in the championship game that same night.

"We were definitely playing like ourselves again last night," said Frey, who returned to the top of the order with a clutch first-inning single. "The momentum we had last night will carry us into next week's Final Four."

Spartacus agreed, adding, "Nothing's gonna stop us now!"

The GCS crew showed an unusual display of power against KIOS, belting two home runs in the three-run second inning. Kevin led off the inning with a blast to center, and following a perfectly executed bunt single by FBJ, Pete connected on a dinger of his own.

The scoring started an inning earlier, though, as Big drove in leadoff kicker Yuval with a line drive single to left, and Colin plated Phil with a sacrifice fly to shallow, shallow right.

"OK, it was to first base," Colin sheepishly admitted after the game. "But whatever. The run scored, didn't it?"

The Grilled Cheeses' legs fell silent after the second inning, but strong defense carried them through the rest of the game. Rob's great catch in left field, Kevin's sliding catch at third and a heads-up play by Big and Max to throw a runner out at third were highlights in the field.

Grilled Cheeses not sharp, but make muenster comeback

The Grilled Cheese Sandwiches narrowly avoided one of the greatest upsets in kickball history, staging a two-run rally in the bottom of the fifth inning to defeat Haay Chicken 6-5 in the first round of the playoffs.

Trailing 5-4 with two outs in the final frame, the Sammies' Kern kicked a seemingly innocuous ball back to the pitcher, who started a series of missed throws around the infield that led to Seamus scoring the tying run and then Lindsey scoring the winning run. The heroics won Kern game MVP honors, and she set a record for "game-winning triple that traveled the shortest distance."

The second-ranked Sammies improved to 6-1-1 on the year and will play in the Elite Eight on Wednesday night. If they want to advance, they will have to improve on their play against Haay Chicken, who had not won a game and scored only four runs all season.

"Our cheese got browned, but we didn't let it burn," said Nick, who had a second-inning single taken away on a controversial foul call. "We cut the crust off our Grilled Cheese tonight."

The GCS found themselves in a hole early...

"They were also losing," said Captain Colin. "Hey-o!"

... as a series of defensive blunders led to three Haay Chicken runs in the top of the first. The favorites struck back in the bottom of the inning on a two-run home run by Big. RKIs by Yuval in the second inning and Marisa in the third gave them a 4-3 lead, but that quickly disappeared as Haay Chicken scored twice in the top of the fourth to go ahead 5-4.

A great catch by Tomato in the outfield stopped any more runs from scoring, setting the stage for the Sammies' comeback. The other run scorers were Pete, Max and Phil.

Final regular season stats

Grilled Cheeses finish season on a gouda note

The Grilled Cheese Sandwiches did not let a depleted roster or a frigid night stop them from downing the One Kick Wonders, 7-1, in last night's regular season finale.

The Sammies now eagerly await the results of tomorrow night's games to determine their final spot in the standings and their first-round playoff matchup.

"We now eagerly await the results of tomorrow night's games to determine our final spot in the standings and our first-round playoff matchup," said Captain Colin, who went 2-for-2 with two runs scored against the Wonders.

The Grilled Cheeses celebrated a late Halloween at the game, with costume highlights provided by Big (Trojan Man), Steve (Viet Cong), Phil (a rat), Ray (Mickey Mouse), Lisa (Mario) and Kevin (rookie Teemu Selanne).

Phil got the scoring started in the first inning with a booming home run to right field. He added a fifth-inning double -- scoring for a second time on an RBI single by Kern -- and pitched one shutout inning to earn game MVP honors.

"Phil's rat costume was the shiznit," said J.P., who dressed up as a ninja.

The GCS blew the game wide open in the second inning, when three consecutive hits from Colin, Rob and Kevin loaded the bases. Frey followed with an RBI groundout, and Yuval then delivered with a two-run single.

Pope Seamus drove in Erin to increase the lead in the fourth, although his mere presence at the game was enough to will the Sammies on to victory, FBJ said.

"How could we have lost with the pope on our side?" she asked.

Kevin added the final RBI in the fifth inning, and Joba Kernberlain took the mound in the fourth to record the hold.

Grilled Cheese Sandwiches warming up

Our passing circles impress and intimidate.

Also, I already know my rule number was wrong.

Week 2 stats update

After every week's games, we'll get an update on our team's individual statistics. Of course, the only stat that matters is 2-0.

Grilled Cheeses avoid meltdown, hold on for win

The Grilled Cheese Sandwiches came out kickin' last night, scoring nine runs in the first two innings and holding on for a 9-6 win over Kickin' It Old School.

The Sammies' first five kickers all reached base, including Sierra Navarra, who started the scoring onslaught with a two-run triple out of the cleanup spot. Kern followed with an RKI double and later scored on a single by Yuval, sliding into home and cutting up her leg. She is listed as probable for next week's game.

"She was pussing," Kern's roommate Squints reported this morning, in a probable HIPAA violation. The league is investigating.

Big added a first-inning RKI as well, then he and Yuval shared a really awkward post-game moment involving a french fry.

"Sweet mother of mercy this just ruined my morning," said co-captain Ray after viewing photographic evidence of said event.

The Grilled Cheeses added four runs in the next inning, including a two-run blast by Rob, who cemented his status as game MVP by stopping a fourth-inning KIOS blast that was bound to be a home run, thus preserving the lead.

"There were a lot of things that contributed to our win, but I think the key factor was that we scored more runs than the other team," said Tristan, who made his own contribution by purchasing an authentic Oktoberfest stein to be used as the team MVP trophy this season.

Asian, Seamus, Erin, Lindsey, J.P., Marshall, Marisa and Phil also played a part on offense for the Sammies, who improved to 2-0 on the year. Their next game is Monday against the Bootleggers, whose team motto is, "Some teams have kickball references in their names. Others have alcohol references. We have both."

Grilled Cheese Sandwiches don't loaf around

The World Adult Kickball Association Massachusetts Minuteman Fall 2009 division got off to a glorious, uproarious and victorious start for the Grilled Cheese Sandwiches, who used a four-run, first-inning rally to catapult themselves to a 6-2 victory over Balls Deep last night.

Looking resplendent in their yellow shirts and matching socks, the Sammies showed that they will be a force to be reckoned with in all three aspects of the game: offense, defense and flip cup.

"We will be a force to be reckoned with in all three aspects of the game: offense, defense and flip cup," said Colin, who returns to the captaincy this year for the first time since guiding the Middlesex Panthers to a second-place finish in 2007.

Frey made a triumphant return to the leadoff spot, sparking the offense with a 2-for-2 performance. After a walk by Amanda and single by Sierra Navarra loaded the bases, Big delivered with a two-run double. Those two runs would be all the GCS crew needed, but they piled on two more that inning with RKIs from FBJ and Colin.

"I'm feeling good about the season!" FBJ said. "And I think we have a good team and spirit! But I have nothing clever to add."

The next inning, Lindsey drove in Seamus. (Tee hee.) And rookie J.P. made a mad scramble around the bases following Frey's fourth-inning double to score the sixth and final run, earning him game MVP honors.

"It was a great game, like Velveeta great!" J.P. said.

Gold-glover Kevin anchored a strong Grilled Cheese defense, which also featured a great catch in left field by newcomer Meghan. And starting centerfielder Kern took the mound in the fifth inning to shut down Balls Deep and earn the save.

GCS takes the field next Monday against Kicking It Old School.

2009 MA Minutemen Grilled Cheese Sandwiches Schedule

New and Improved!

(click to expand)

SWEET REPEAT! King Hippos Champions!

It was a banner night for the plucky and courageous King Hippos on Thursday, as the Orange stampeded to kickball glory over the course of two exciting matches.

Due to permit issues, the regularly scheduled semifinals and championship match, normally held on two fields, were confined to a single, makeshift field in the corner of the Common that led to a degree of adventure for all teams involved.

The semi-final match between the Blue Steel and league winner Scoregasm was scrubbed when Scoregasm were forced to forfeit due to a dearth of registered players.

The King Hippos then took the field against Gettin’ Cider. Cider had defeated the Hippos handily during the regular season, so the Orange were in the mood for payback.

The Hippos struck first in the bottom of the opening inning. Cider tied it in the bottom of the frame, but they would never lead.

The Hippos’ offense came to life in the second inning as the middle of the order pushed five runs across the plate.

Explosive offense, combined with cracker jack defense appeared to cow the normally feisty Cider.

The game’s webgems both went to gold glove third baseman Kevin who managed to steal a sure base kick and probable RBI with a wild diving catch. The second came on a close play at third as Reilly collected a relayed throw and, in mid-air, fired the ball into the diving runner’s back. The runner was safe, but was forced to earn it on what had no right being a close play.

“It was a thing to see, really impressive,” said Captain Big. “I’ll tell you what, you gotta love that spirit!”

The Cider managed to score three runs in the bottom of the fourth, but by then, the mood in the park showed the game’s result was a forgone conclusion. The Hippos were charging and wouldn’t be denied their triumph.

Defeating their rivals left the Hippos nearly rabid, so one almost felt sorry for their next opponents.

Fate, it would seem, is not without a sense of humor, as the 2009 MA Patriot Summer Championship turned out to be a replay of the 2008 final.

Blue Steel, the team that the then Green Team had squeaked by the previous year and managed to defeat in both of their regular season meetings this year, stepped up to the plate and the still-thundering Hippos quickly made it clear they were not about to be silenced.

The Hippos’ defense remained solid and the offense remained potent.

The Orange plated three runs in the first and another two in the second off of Season and Playoff MVP Colin “The Man Of” Steele’s first career homerun.

Steele had four RBIs on the day, his foot coming alive at just the right time for the Hippos. He was awarded the season MVP award, not solely for off-field contributions, but for a near perfect on-field performance throughout the playoffs.

“The MVP award wouldn't mean anything if we hadn't won the championship,” panted Steele. “That's always the main goal. And there's no ‘MVP’ in ‘team’. OK, there's an ‘M’, but whatever. Anyways, as I was saying, I'm honored I could help finish on top… That's what she said.”

As the light left the field, both teams began to struggle and safety, in the bottom of the fourth, became an issue. Before the Steel were able to record an out, the officials called the game to a halt for safety concerns: The final score, a convincing 10-1 for the Hippos.

Despite the game’s abbreviated nature, the Hippos were jubilant.

“It's freakin’ awesome!” cried Asian. “Hippos win! Woohoo! I'm hungry!”

“I feel fantastic!” shouted Shookie. “Like the happiest hippo alive!!”

“In Africa hippos are responsible for more deaths among humans than crocodiles,” counseled BK. “The hippo will wait just below the surface of the water and flip a passing boat, destroying the vessel and, often times, killing or seriously injuring anyone in the craft. Well, tonght, a special breed of hippos -- The Champion King Hippos -- waited just below the surface and didn't miss the chance to destroy a couple of boats named Gettin' Cider and Blue Steel.”

“I’d say that was a pretty successful season,” laughed Captain Big, eyes moist. “What a great group of players. I look forward to playing with these guys for many seasons to come.”

Most of the Hippos squad will reconvene on the hallowed fields of MA Minutemen in Somerville this fall under the banner of Grilled Cheese Sandwich. We all wish the squad continued success and spirit as they carry forth the spirit of kickball at its best and most fun.

Getting hungrier...

Gettin' Hungry

Captain's Note: Week Finals

Greetings Hippos!

I hope you're all well-rested after a nice weekend of mild conditioning and coordination drills, no drinking or carousing, early curfews and light reading.

This week, we face our deadliest foe in Semi-Final battle: Gettin' Cider.

Never has the Common seen a team filled with such scum and villainy. Never has a kickball team been so reviled and spat upon. Never has this guy (with two thumbs) enjoyed seeing two players run smack into each other resulting in a lot of trauma over a lightly blooded lip.

The Cider are a solid team. They have a strategy. They have skill.

But they have been beaten. And according to one source, they have their own Hippo... and not the good kind. She stands over by second base and can't catch a ball to save her life.

But that all aside: We are the King Hippos, the noblest of all Hippos. We will go out there, heads held high, confident in our own skills and strategy, and in the fact that Captain Big has properly walked off the base paths.

We can adapt if their infielders prove too adept at fielding the bunt, or we can show them what a real bunt looks like.

Regardless of what happens, I want you all to know this season has been fantastic. You're the best group of kickballers I've played with since... since... well, since last season.

Go time this week is 6:30. We play on the grass field, which has been our house all season.

The Final will be played at 7:15 on the dirt between the winner of our match and the victor of the Scoregasm-Blue Steel matchup.

In other news, last week's recap is up.

As always, please let me know if you're in or if you're going to be watching us on TV from your hospital bed after being side-swiped by a pick-up after a big win and turning down your friend-from-the-other-side-of-the-tracks' offer to come out partying and then going on to compete in the Special Olympics and then dying in another car accident this time with a drunk driver.

Bummer.

GET PUMPED!

HIP HIP!

Captain Big
King Hippos

"It was Bruce Banner, not David Banner, you oppitwat."

Hippos Find Pitches – Move on to Semis

Thursday saw the Hippos squad move on to the MA Patriot Summer Semis for the second consecutive year as they rumbled over the upstart Where My Pitches At, 6-1.

A late start due to equipment issues meant both sides were a little stiff as the first inning kicked off. The Hippos defense held strong all night, however, preventing the Pitches from getting anything going.

In the bottom of the first, newcomer to the top of the lineup, FBJ, kicked in her second RBI of the season as Asian was able to come around.

The third inning saw the Hippos add two more runs as both Tristan and Ray plated Tangerine and Tomato for their own RBIs.

The Pitches were able to pull one back in the top of the fourth, but the Hippos then broke it open in the bottom of the inning. The Giant part of the lineup: Big, BK and Reilly, managed to knock in three runs, including Asian, who scored twice on the night.

Her base running combined with an important catch on a towering fly ball in the Cambridge dark earned Asian the Game MVP belt which she wore with pride.

“It was a big game,” said Captain Big afterwards. “But the Hippos are big. They’ve got big hearts, big teeth and big haunches... I mean consciences. They live in big rivers and take big bites out of anyone who comes too close.”

After the victory, the Hippos are looking forward to their semi-final matchup against Gettin’ Cider.

"Right now, my focus is entirely on beating Gettin' Cider,” said team Security Specialist Tristan. “And going to the bar. Possibly not in that order."

Some are looking harder than others.

"We came. We saw. Then we didn't see too good,” spouted Brow. “We caught some balls in the face. Then I think we won. They just told me to get off the field."

Yes...this is a real song.

HIPPO STOMP

From the 1971 release "Steppenwolf 7"

Words and music by Larry Byrom and John Kay

If I should go astray and say "I lost my way" nobody would know me
But if I don't believe I can and still say "Hear my plan"
Somebody would follow just because it's free

We're all Hippos rollin' down the river
Sometimes we can't touch the ground
Like Hippos slidin' in the water
Somehow we're stompin' around

If you should go astray and say "I lost my way" nobody will know you
But if you don't believe you can and still say "I'm your man"
Somebody will follow just because it's free

We're all Hippos rollin' down the river
Sometimes we can't touch the ground
Like Hippos slindin' in the water
Somehow we're stompin' around

Now you can see me lyin' down in my swamp
Any time I feel disgusted
You'll see me do the hippo stomp

You stop and watch me while you're out on your midnite romp
And I can feel the silent question
What the heck is the Hippo Stomp?

Hey! Hey! You should try it when you're feelin' blue
Let me answer you and let me tell ya true
Just how I feel when I'm down
Sometimes I wonder
You'll see me stumblin' around
But you just point and stare
Come on let me hear ya
Somewhere there's a voice down inside
And when you find it let it teach you how to ask the question "why"
Just because we live together
We don't have to like each other
So please don't fall asleep on me again
Nobody, nobody, nobody knows for sure
You just might never wake up from the dream
Hey! Speak up let me hear ya
Let me show you 'round the reservation
I know my way around these parts
I've lived here long enough
Now you can have a taste, an indication
Of things and times to come
Early in the morning, late at night
Somebody seems to know just how this thing work's right
'Cause every time I come around the corner somebody's looking out my door
He's been snoopin' like a hound
I'll grab his neck and shake him on down

Repeat Chorus

Now you can see me lyin' down in my swamp
Any time I feel disgusted
You'll see me do the Hippo Stomp

Captain's Note: PLAYOFFS

Greetings Hippos!

Congratulations! You've made it! You chosen few! You band of brothers (and sisters)!

The King Hippos shall rumble into playoffs this season seeded third.

This Thursday will see the first round of playoffs as teams strive for kickball glory. It's a familiar thing, glory. We were the lucky number who held that glory last season and I think we're hungry hungry enough to grasp it again.

On Thursday we play Where My Pitches At!

We defeated this plucky squad in week three, but your captain insists you take nothing for granted. We'll take the field this week knowing there are no guarantees in kickball. There's a reason the sport isn't played on paper.

Game time is at 7:15 on field two. Let's bring our game!

Lemme know if you're in or if you're the kind of person who misses the first game of kickball playoffs (even if you've already told, me plzkthx).

We also have reffing duties for game one on field one between Scoregasm and Charity Case. I'll take whatever help I can get!

In other news: The recap for last Thursday's contest is up at the Munt And Flip.

In other other news: the End of Season Party Blowout has been planned for August 22nd, 2009 at Jose Mac's from 7PM - 10PM. We've joined forces (and budgets) with MA-Ivy division allowing us to provide not only FREE BEER, but also a host of finger food goodies for party-go-er's to nibble on. As usual, the Guest fee will be $10 a guest, and we will be holding a 50/50 raffle drawing as well, with all proceeds going towards the divisions charities!

All right boys and germs, let's take it to the Pitches this week so we can play some MORE kickball NEXT week!!!

Captain Big
King Hippos

"M1A1... thousand miles an hour..."

Hippos Meringue Key Lime Killahs

Thursday was stoppage time kickball for the MA Patriot Summer 2009 kickball division as teams made up their rainout games from Week 5.

The Hippos came into the match riding high on a two game winning streak, looking to make it three. After a close game in the long grass of Cambridge Common, the plucky Hippos came out on top, 5-1.

The first four innings saw limited offensive production on both sides as both teams showed excellence on the defensive front.

Cracks began to show in the foundation, however, when the Hippos struck in the fourth as Zach managed to come home on a bunt triple by Asian which had one bench scratching their heads and the other nearly rabid with excitement.

When asked about the adventurous baserunning, Zach panted: “I dunno, I just kept running. I probably could have left third a few seconds early but, really, it’s way more fun to lunge for home you really shouldn’t.”

Karma struck back at the Hippos in the bottom of the inning, however, when Asian made a play on a high fly ball in the outfield, slipped in the swamp and managed to bicycle kick the ball further into left field, allowing the Killahs to plate their own ill-earned run.

“I don’t know where my feet went!” exclaimed Asian.

Despite the setback, the Hippos remained resolute and their drive immediately paid dividends in the top of the fifth inning.

New to the top of the order, FBJ made her way on base with a smart bunt, followed by Big who reached with a munt of his own. After Brow popped out, game MVP BK broke it open with a two run double. He and Kevin would later score on a two run triple booted by Aimee, which might been a two out double, had she not run her housemate Squints into a tag out between third and home.

Four runs, as it happened, was enough to fend off the Killahs in the bottom of the fifth, as Colin doused the Killahs comeback hopes with an impressive single handed double-play. The victory gave the Hippos their third win in a row and an extra boost to their morale as they go into playoffs the confident third seed.

“There was a great spirit out there,” said Squints. “We had an awesome crowd rooting for us and, in the end, that’s why we play kickball: for the fans.”

“I dunno about fans,” said Pete. “I play for the healthy competition. And nothing healthy isn’t better without a nice serving of dessert. This week on the menu: Key Lime Pie."

The Murderous Tom Doyle (An idea I stole…)

So as you know, I play kickball on the greatest kickball team in the world (king hippos). We have multiple world kickball association records, and many more drinking records. So we join this WAKA league to grace them with our presence. As we take the field everyone’s cheering and they hand us solo cups of awesome. It’s raining but we don’t care because we’re Hippo’s and that just makes us better anyhow.

So we suit up, we take the field we get the briefing from Cap’n Big and we’re eating some “shoes” Shookie was kind enough to make and the refs call for the teams to Ro-Sham –Bo. Some teams would concern themselves with such a match up, but we’re hippos and it doesn’t bother us. We stare “away” in the face, and “away” backs down.

So we send in our delegate and he goes through the 1,2,3 and

BAM Scissors!!!

This guy doesn’t even know what hit him. Who throws scissors? This game is centered around rock right? Its paper or its rock…so he shoots again and

BAM SCISSORS!!!!

AGAIN? Who is this guy, who the fuck throws scissors TWICE???!?!?!! Scissors is barely in the rules. And just when he’s coming to grips with the reality of the situation, the Hippo looks him in the eyes and whispers

“Away…”

And now the dude doesn’t even know what to think. He gets back to his huddle and their like “how we lookin” and the guys just stammering. And his teammates grab him by the shoulders and their like “SPEAK TO ME MAN – WHAT HAPPENED” and he’s like the beat me with Scissors…

“WHAT?”

They beat me with scissors…

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE SCISSORS?”

They beat me…

“Alright team well collect yourselves, Joey you’re kicking first”

“no…they took away”

The teammate slaps him. “Collect yourself man, no one takes away”

And they guy, looking downward like his dog had been killed says “…but they did”

And Teammate glares across the field through the pouring rain. He tries to stare us down but we’ve already suited up and we’re wearing our tornados. And he turns to his buddy Jim and he’s like

“jesus Jim…their like orange zebra”

“No Diego…they are hippos”

“God help us all.”

And the top of the order lines up in the box. The pitch is thrown and it goes blowing by the hippo at

30 MPH!!!!!

The catcher tries to stop it but its going

30 MPH!!!!

It rolls into the street and cars are diving out of the way, trying to avoid the children behind said ball, there’s carnage everywhere. The pitcher opens his eyes…but it was a ball. And he took a cone in the process. He realizes the Hippo also blend in with the cones, and you can’t see it in the rain but he starts to sweat.

The hippo drops one sock down, to both show that he is in a Hippo gang, and as a direct challenge to the pitcher. With skin exposed, he assumes he can find the batter in the field of orange.

The ball approaches, the hippo drops a bunt into the dead zone. For a brief moment the world stops. The catcher looks to the pitcher. The Pitcher looks at the catcher. Third base is screaming you but no one looks to see who he’s signaling. Eventually the catcher mounds it. The hippo has been debating agricultural practices for the last 2 mins on first with Colin, who sips his “diet coke.” The option for second was there, but we’re a classy team.

The assault continues, the rain continues. Due to some poorly placed pop-fliers, the Bottom of the inning approaches. The game trucks along in a similar fashion, Ray’s name echos through the Harvard Coop and a thousane tweed jackets spin in horror. “Who is this ray.” Owen Anderson writes an anthropology paper on how Ray is all of us, and the screaming is a collective disinvolvement with a modern coporate culture. Its Harvard – he gets an “A.”

When the game is finally over, they call in an astrophysicist to make sure the comma’s for the scores are in the correct place. The Hippos march in celebratory victory toward the bar, we walk in and the bouncers and clapping, they don’t even question my expired license. I’m a hippo and age is irrelevant.

We mount the staircase, someones wearing the MVP belt – people are demanding photos with them. We’ve settled in, we’re downing Calimari, everything is wonderful…

And then the lite jazz trio beings. The clarinet

CLARINET! IN A JAZZ TRIO!!!! WTF?!?!?!!?

Begins to blow “take five” with his eyes close like only a white guy can “feel it.” His sweater is Cosby in nature. Jaws are agape, The flashing sign says “no flip cup.” The Kitchen is exploding in fire, and their shoving tables and good times into a closet in the corner, presumably to break their ribs and give them cancer.

The waitress is disinterested.

“I asked for Mozzarella Sticks” I said.

"Those are cheese fries” she snaps as she walks off.

Even in their hour of glory, even in the herd of Hazy Orange, Tommy Doyle’s has managed to take the soul from Gods.

She turns and whispers “and you’re not getting you 15% discount” she whispers. She disappears into a mob of drunk “Where my Pitches at” players and a wall of Kenny G.

Captain's Note: Week 5-... er... 9

Greetings Hippos!

Welcome to stoppage time! It is time to finish what was left undone!

Week 5 kickball has risen from the dead under the guise of "Week 9 Kickball", and it couldn't have happened at a better time.

This Thursday we battle "Warriors are Back" who, aside from possibly being named after a forgettable 70s movie with an unfortunate video game re-make, are known for toppling the giants that are Scoregasm last week.

They are led by all-around nice and cool guy and Raining Sideways veteran Eric "Heat" Heaton who we HATE HATE HATE!!! (I've included him on this email)

[WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INTERRUPTION. THIS JUST IN: THE 2009 SUMMER MA PATRIOT KICKBALL TEAM FORMERLY KNOWN AS "WARRIORS ARE BACK" ARE NOW KNOWN AS "KEY LIME KILLAHS". NOW BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED CAPTAIN'S NOTE]

o.0

"Key Lime Killahs"? "Key Lime Killahs"?!?!

Who... What... I mean... How...

I'm sorry. I just can't... It's just not fair... It's like an ebonic Jimmy Buffet, I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna try and make fun of their name because it's just too much.

The deets for this week:

When: 7:15
Where: Field 2
How: With verve!

We are currently 4-3 on the season. This is the last game of the regular season. A win this week will be huge for our post-season goals. Let's bring the awesome this week!

Lemme know if you're in or if you're unconscious!

Additionally, we are slated to ref the first game on field 2 betwixt Gettin Cider (hisssss) and Where My Pitches At (yay). Any help available would be appreciated!

In other news: Brow at his best.

Captain Big
King Hippos

"Waaarriorrrrs! Come out and plaaaaAAAAaaaaaaay!!"

Blue Steel Can’t Hold Back Rampaging Hippos

The King Hippos continued their winning ways against Blue Steel on Thursday when, shorthanded, they held on through a wet and wild match for a 6-1 victory.

The match started quietly as both teams acclimated to the slick surface and slippy ball. The Hippos had runners on in the first and managed to score two, but would’ve scored more had the Steel’s center fielder not wowed the crowd, reeling in a ball over his head.

The Hippos’ defense also held strong through the game, though the conditions did, at times, challenge them.

“It was a wet one out there,” griped catcher Squints. “But by the second inning, nothing was getting by me… or maybe the third…”

The Steel managed to pull a run back in the third, cutting the Hippos’ lead in half.

The fourth inning saw the Hippos break it open, however, as the offense advanced through the order for the second time, plating four runs on RBIs by Big, Squints and Catie.

It took the defensive highlight of the game, however, to prevent the Steel from rallying back in the bottom of the fourth.

With Blue Steel boasting runners at first and second with no outs, their kicker smacked a liner into left center. A hard-charging Aimee made the narrow catch in the dwindling twilight and got the ball to second to catch the runner off the bag. Big was then able to tag the runner going from first to second completing an unlikely and rare triple play.

“It would’ve been, like, 200 achievement points on Xbox Live!” crowed Big.

With vision becoming a problem on the darkening common, the Steel threatened again in the bottom of the fifth. At times, it looked like the royal blue might take some karma from their loss in the dark in the summer of 2008 final and convert a victory on Thursday.

However, the Hippos’ defense relied on their instincts and managed to frustrate the Steel’s efforts.

After the invigorating victory, the Hippos’ morale is high going into the final game of the regular season next Thursday.

Third baseman Fox was jubilant. “That Dalai Llama dude was lucky that Blue Steel only had to block a shuriken instead of stopping our herd of Hippos, because that guy would’ve been toast.”

"That was Magnum, you bombastic heliotrope," Tristan retorted.

"It was," stammered Fox. "I apologize, I was working with imperfect data."

“We all had to dig deep,” said game MVP Aimee. “We put on our game faces and embraced the monsoon. When things were looking grim with the conditions, the Hippos powered through!”

“The Hippos love playin’ in the wet,” agreed Asian.

Week 8: Captain's Note

Good Morning Hippos,

I hope you had a nice sleep. I hope yer all rested up. Hope yer refreshed.

Because this week, we're administering a refresher on our opponent: Blue Steel.

That's right, they didn't get enough of a whuppin' in Week 4. They're back for more. And you know what? I think we have enough leftovers in the fridge to give 'em a second helping, AM I RIGHT?!

Hopefully, this go-round, the officiating will be a bit more... well... a bit less "Cider-ish".

Oh wait, Scoregasm is reffing... That's it's own flavor of crazy. Hopefully, this week, we won't have to put up with the Zac Drach Social Hour as he welcomes guests from all over Boston for a quick chat and movie plug.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is our second-to-last regular season game of the season. I believe our current record is 3-3. So let's finish up on a strong note, finish the season over .500!

Game time is: 7:15
We're playing: on Field 2 (Grass)
Refreshments: ???

We have no other obligations this week, either, so no need for refs or peeps to grab equipment.

Lemme know if you're Inn or vacant!

Captain Big
King Hippos

"In a car with bluetooth capabilities, the car is the headpiece!"

P.S. Sorry for the tardy recap for last week's soaring victory. I hope to have that up this afternoon. Thank you for your patience!

Hippos Back in Form at the Expense of Those in Need

The Hippos returned to their winning ways on Thursday, putting together a solid victory over the upstart Charity Case, 5-2.

After Captain Big “intentionally” chose to be Away, the Hippos quickly pulled four runners across the plate, taking the pressure off the team’s pitching staff and defense before they ever took the field.

Overall, the Hippos’ offense combined for a whopping 20 hits on the day, a good sign for the rest of the season and through the post-season.

Defensively, the team was solid.

The first kick for Charity Case, however, did leave the team with the Benny Hill theme song whirling through their heads as the kicker managed to reach first and then, against all better sense, squirreled for second. When miscommunication at the middle corner led to another bobble, she headed for third and reached. However, she overran the base into foul territory and was promptly (and finally) tagged out.

After that, however, the field settled down. Kevin continued to excel at third with a number of seams that, at times, tested first baseman BK’s lobster claws. The outfield firmly prevented anything from getting behind them and were quick to get the ball back in to prevent undeserved runs and bases.

The Hippos were glad to be the mongoose(?) to the Cases’ bear. The strong win brought the team back to .500 on the season.

"Well you know,” slurred game MVP Brennan. “I don't want to say their name encouraged it, but our strat this week was to play big casino. We took 'away'. We took and held onto the lead like champs. I think when it comes down to the Hippos and any other team it just matters who’s the most hungry...hungry."

Week 7: Captain's Note

Hip hip

Chin chin

HIPPOS!

Welcome to Week 7 of King Hippos Kickball!

Apologies for the tardy captain's note.

Game time fast approaches, and I know a lot of you have a fire in your bellies from last weeks teeth-grating loss.

The rest of you all have a fire in your bellies from... an alien life form that has taken root in your tummy, waiting to burst out at an inopportune time, like during a presentation at work and while talking up a girl/boy at the bar.

ANYway, here're the deets:

WHO: Charity Case (Dark red, consisting of a number of players from T's League dodgeball this past winter)
WHERE: Field 1 (the dirt!)
WHEN: 7:15 p.m.
WHY: Because we like you

According to the schedge, we have no other duties this week other than to kick ass on the field and at the bar. We're being reffed by "Where My Pitches At" (dark blue).

Lemme know who's in and who's not going to have much fun tomorrow night because there's simply not enough kickball in their life.

Charity Case is what their name implies: A group that deserves pity but is mostly ignored. Most people only talk to them because they know it'll look good on their taxes.

But let's not rule them out. Let's go in there as we always do: Heads held high, drinks also held high, perhaps being siphoned out of our cups by our tubular spectacles.

Ray, bring you that kickin' banner!

And did we have a volunteer for this week's refreshments?

Captain Big
King Hippos

Squints: come on Big
Big: where're we going? can I drive?
Squints : no you cant drive and we are going to hell im clearly in charge here
Big: OOOO! Are we taking the highway?

Hippos Rolled by Thinly Veiled Innuendo

The Hippos’ hot streak came to a halt on Thursday when they were trumped on the field by Getting’ Cider, 0-4.

Despite their best efforts at showing Third Baseman Wayne a good time on his birthday, not many balls bounced the Hippos’ way on the night.

Where the Hippos will never be beat, however, is in spirit, as MVP Ray earned his belt with a fantastic banner sporting the team’s name and mascot.

“We’ll bounce back,” said Captain Big. “We’ve got a lot of fight left in us. It’ll take a lot more than that to drop us to the mat.”

By Friday evening, the loss was all but forgotten as the Hippos took the class out of the Hong Kong with arm wrestling and spilt scorpion bowls.

“I can’t wait to hit the field next Thursday,” said Asian. “We’re gonna show ‘em that the Hippos are made of harder stuff!”

Week 6: Captain's Note

Greetings Hippos!

It's Week 6 and it's looking a bit more dry. So let's start getting amped up!

This week we play at 7:15 on Field 1... wait for it... against... GETTIN' CIDER!

/Pause for pandemonium

That's right, we're playing our favorite team to hate! I don't think any more need be said. Bring your A game! No, fuck that, bring your A+ game!

And, of course, the icing on the cake is that we're reffing the 6:30 game on field two featuring... WAIT FOR IT... Blue Steel!

I'll need some help, but I look forward to showing them what a properly officiated game looks like!

People it's been 13 days since we've played kickball! I know you're hungry! I know you're eager! The Hippos are agitated! Now is NOT a good time or place for Cider to cross the river! Did we give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor! Fuck no!!

Lemme know if you're in or if you're not feeling awesome this week!

Captain Big
King Hippos

"We love you Nomar!"

Week 5: Captain's Note - RAINOUT

Hullo Hippos,

Tragically, the games have been called and rescheduled for the end of the season. So, stay dry tonight (Physically, if not... erm... drink-ally).

Try and channel the testosterone and energy you stored up for today's matchup into something constructive, like beer pong, or chores... preferably beer pong.

Let's have a good holiday weekend!

Captain Big
King Hippos

"Brian, don't let this girl out of the house, ever. Just keep her at home and f**k her all day long! Don't be an idiot and bring her out to see Richard Cheese!"

Week 5: Captain's Note

Greetings Hippos!

It's Week 5! We're officially on the back nine of the 2009 Patriot Summer Season and, frankly, things are looking up.

We're on a two game hot streak and I really like what I'm seeing out there. The recap for last week's tragi-comedy is up on the Munt and Flip.

This week, we play "Key Lime Killas" (Formerly "Warriors are Back!"). Frankly, I don't like either of their chosen team names, so we're going to have to put it to 'em.

Game time is at 7:15 on Field 2 (grass), so let's try and gather by around 7:00.

Let me know if you're in or out.

If it's after about 4:45 on Thursday and you find out you can't make it, shoot me a text or give me a call. My phone number is: 508-789-9282.

We also have reffing duties this week at 6:30 on field 2. I'd love to have some volunteers.

Anybody wanna come out and officiate Gettin' Cider? (he asked, knowingly)

They're playing "Where My Pitches At", who've proven themselves a fun team this season. Let's make sure the game is clean.

All right ladies and pachyderms: Let's GET IT ON!

Captain Big
King Hippos

"Don't switch the blade on the man in shades, oh no."

Hippos are Streaking!

The King Hippos pulled together for their second-straight victory, vanquishing Blue Steel 4-2.

A rematch of the 2008 Patriot Summer Division Finals, Steel vs. Hippos was the game of the week.

In their previous outing, the then-Green Team defeated Blue Steel with a walk-off kick in the Cambridge twilight to take the Division Championship.

The two teams respect each other and their histories, and approached this week’s match conservatively.

Both teams struggled to find a groove early on, though the Hippos’ offense managed to put together a string of base hits and drove in a run in the first and second innings. Aimee and Pete came through with each of those RBI strikes, driving in Brow and Colin respectively.

The Hippos then broke it open in the third inning, plating two runs off kicks by Rachael and Zach, driving in Seamus (with an run-saving home plate slide) and Ray.

Blue Steel’s offense kicked it into overdrive in the last two innings, however, plating a run in each. They also managed to consistently put runners on base, making things interesting. Fans of the Orange Tornados held their collective breath.

The Hippos’ defense came up huge, however, thwarting two Blue Steel rallies which could have snatched victory away from the up-start Hippopotami.

Game MVP Lisa channeled her inner Pedroia, standing up to a large, on-rushing baserunner to hold onto a throw from third for the put-out at second. She was also involved in a number of other plays at second, proving herself a plucky infielder who we’ll enjoy watching throughout the rest of the season.

The outfield play of the night went to last week’s MVP, Tangerine. Her Ken-Griffey-Jr-esque snag in Right Center, not only took away a number of Blue Steel runs and, at the very least, extra bases for the kicker, but is also worthy of a spot on the season’s highlight reel.

A third close play prevented another Blue Steel run when Kevin managed to peg a runner a bare step from home between the shoulder blades. After the match, the runner, who had slid safely into both second and third that inning, wondered aloud why he didn’t do the same at home plate.

In spite of some… adventurous officiating, this match lived up to the pre-game hype and is definitely a highlight of the season’s first half. As the Patriot division moves past the All-Star Break, however, the Hippos are looking forward.

“That win puts us back at .500 -- the first stop on our march to taking the championship in this league two seasons running,” said BK, the Hippos’ veteran center fielder and all-around nice guy. “After beating Blue Steel, I feel that we're hitting our stride. These Hippos are hungry, hungry and repeat words words. Watch out.”

Celebrating Diversity!

Given the diversity of kickball in general, and our team in particular (two asians!), I felt that I should share this important message from the Delaware Department of Transportation.

Seriously. They actually published this.

Comments you never want to make to a coworker

Week 4: Captain's Note

Greetings Hippos,

It is Week 4 of the Summer Patriot Division and you know what that means:

We play Blue Steel!

Blue Steel is the team that the Green Team defeated in the 2008 Summer Division Championship. Not only have they held on their same old boring name, they've also held onto the grudge of last year's defeat.

We've got our work cut out for us, Hippos. Evidently, the Steel gave Charity Case a pretty good drubbing last week. But you know what? I have faith in you. Each and every one of you. Because you know what? You got heart. And you got pride. You're not afraid to get your socks dirty but keep your game clean. You're already champions in my book.

Let's win this one for those who couldn't play with us this Thursday. The Yuvals. The Hinses. Hell, let's win it for a Weintraub. Let's do
em all proud.

Game time is at 6:30 on Field 2. We've been pushed back to the grass this week, but at least we don't have to worry about reffing or equipment this week. Let's beat em on the field and then beat them to the bar.

The weather forecast, currently isn't too good. But you know what? We're tough. We come to play and, I've been told, Frey and FBJ will be providing warming refreshments. If you still doubt, just listen to Brow-han. He's lived the nightmare of the canceled game. If that doesn't give you the willies, I don't know what will. So let his inspiring words warm your heart and put some pop in your step!

Finally, the Recap for last week's victory is up. We're on a roll, Hippos! Let's keep it goin'!

Captain Big
King Hippos

"I play Golden Tee better when I'm wasted! I want another shot at the Fox!"

The Munt for Cold October

As you may know, I play in a Sunday league as well. I am nothing if not adulterous. After our Thursday game, I had to conclude that this new breed of sportsman; the Kickballer, was made of tougher things, a throwback to the greatest generation, we were tight with our trophies, the rain wasn’t an obstacle it was an ushering in of new strategy. (Rain = kickaway). But Sunday I was inches from the park when I received a text message. It was one of our own, retracting her lament of absence because the games had been cancelled due to weather.

Frustrations aside, I had time to contemplate my positioning in the athletic world, and what it meant to play Kickball, or any co-ed recreational sport for that matter. There was a time where I thought to play seriously, you had to admit a few things: you were never getting a professional contract so you were playing for fun; you risked injury, roughed work on 3 hours sleep hungover for the love of the game. That you played co-ed sports, and with the patriarchy being what it is, no Basketball-dream was ever going to pull you to the promised land of professional sports. And that because of this love, come hell or high-water, snow or rain, 90-degree heat waves or the 5 day mist-storms that give everyone the flu, you were going to play regardless.

But Sunday was cancelled. Sunday, unlike Thursday, plays on two grass fields. I’m no Botanist but does grass absorb the water? Shouldn’t our fields be resilient like we were? I will concede some points. For those who aren’t aware, I should point out two things:

1. I am a die-hard Yankee. I feel that being born here means we’re of a higher bloodline than most other people. And if you’re not from here, take heart that you had to good foresight to move here. We live through shit weather on a regular basis. We eat seafood, we have basements. American runs on Dunkin – think of that arrogance. New England runs on Dunkin, we just believe the rest of the world should be like us.

2. Our league rep (who shall remain nameless) is from CA. I’m sure every day here looks like a “call the game, the weathers miserable” day.

Can I fault a man of such dimensions? Being the open locationalist that I am, I’ve come to expect as much from those who think 70 degrees demands a sweater. But we’re talking about a national interest here. There’s an honor is reefing with a solo cup, there’s a pride in walking through commercial traffic in sherbet-colored knee-highs, and who wouldn’t want to walk around with the MVP belt this season. I know I certainly aim to in all aspects of play.

But if we’re prepared to defend our way of life and culture in the herds in Harvard Square, I believe we should too defend our right to damn the weather patterns attempt to prohibit us from play. We’ve been resolute in our determination to never go another week without something to look forward to, we’ve been stalwart in circumventing the prohibition that still lingers in PC-Cambridge’s public land, and here too we should take a stand. A stand against perfect conditions and manicured fields, a resistance to government intervention for our alcoholism, and a stand against giving up the only thing that gives us hope in our otherwise miserable so-this-is-the-real-world lives.

Stay hungry Hippo’s, and kick away.

The Brow

Hippos Get First Taste of Victory

As the rain drizzled on Thursday, many wondered if the week's matches would be happening.

"Games are a go!! Good Luck!!" was the word from the division's Twitter account, however, and the adventure began.

The noble Hippos were ready for a win, by golly, and they'd play in the rain and mud to get it. At the end of the day, their soggy resolve was rewarded as they defeated Where My Pitches At 5-0.

The defense held strong all day, frustrating the Pitches' offensive efforts at every turn.

Brow started off the on-field heroics with a great catch in right field and then a heads up throw to first, leading to a key double play.

Spartacus showed her inner-Pedroia, fielding a sharply kicked ball and getting the put-out at first.

Game MVP Tangerine used arms and face to reel in a line drive up the middle.

Offensively, the Hippos brought their A-game. The bottom half of the lineup rallied for two runs in the third inning. FBJ and Ray combined for the game-winning run and RBI.

Big then connected for his first hit of the season, a three run homer in the fourth that slipped through center field.

As a team, the Hippos combined for 14 hits. Tristan, Asian and Frey's hot streaks continued as they've maintained 1.00 batting averages through three games.

Overall, it was a very satisfying win for players and fans alike.

"It was nice to get a win under our belts," said manager and team bookkeeper Asian. "I think we just needed a couple of weeks to warm up. Victory is mine!!" She then shuffled off, legs churning like Stewie Griffin's.

Week 3: Captain's Note

Hello Hippos!

I hope you're ready. I hope you're hungry. I hope you're thirsty.

Because, once again, it's week 3 of Patriot Summer Division Kickball.

This week we're playing at 7:30 on Field 1 (DIRT! YES!) against "Where My Pitches At".

Aside from being a new team with a completely unoriginal moniker, these guys also aren't perfect. They lost to Spanking Machine during week one play, 1-2. They are eminently beatable, as long as we play our game. So I want you guys pumped up for some Killer Kickball (tm)!

We also have equipment and reffing duties this week. So I could use some help in the form of corner refs at the 6:30 game, and if anyone is willing to grab the equipment gab from Tommy Doyles, that would also be awesome.

In other news: News!

Both Tristan and Colin posted entries to the team blog. Tristan has offered us insight into a world where drinking games aren't limited to just ONE table. Nay, Tristan writes, let us play a game with not one, not two, not three but FOUR tables! It's Epic.

Colin has contributed to the madness not Once but Twice! Come see the infamy!

Finally, the recap for last week's game has also been posted.

SO, lemme know if you're gonna make it to this week's game! And lemme know if you are willing to help out with equipment and/or reffing duties! Let's get ready to run on the dirt!

Captain Big
King Hippos

"I met a kitten on the penthouse deck / into my ear he whispered kill me kill me / I walked straight over to the penthouse ledge / but then a crowd began to gather round me "

Hippos Foiled in Last Second Rally

It was Mustache Day at the park this week, but the Hippos’ early season woes continued on Thursday, when they fell to the Spanking Machine, 3-4.

The Orange Shirts’ offense came alive this week, plating runs in over half of the game’s innings. Though the score might not be impressive, only a few unlucky bounces prevented the Hippos from breaking the game wide open.

Tristan led off with a single in the first inning, and came around to score on a well-placed RBI bunt by Asian. Bold and heads-up baserunning by Frey almost cherry-picked a second run on the same play, exploiting the Machine’s confused fielders. However, she was tagged out at the very last second.

“She ran like a gazelle,” beamed Captain Big. “A little dancer’s stutter step at the end is the only thing that gave the Machines a chance to recover. She may have been tagged, but she went out with undeniable style. Only an alumnus of the Jeanette Neill Dance Studio could almost cross home with such grace.”

The defense held strong during the game, with continued solid play at the corners. The games’ Webgem, however, came in the fourth inning when game MVP Catie, the Hippos’ diminutive left-fielder, reeled in a high pop-fly that might have eaten up a lesser fielder.

“I've spent three seasons just looking cute in the outfield,” Catie said. “I'm glad I could finally contribute to the team!”

In the end, however, The Spanking Machine were able to take advantage of some lucky bounces and produce just enough offense to eek out a victory over the home team. The King Hippos remain resolute, however; confident of their destiny as Division Champions.

Veteran Hippos First Baseman Colin "Paul Konerko" Steele said, “It's not how you start. It's how you finish -- that's what she said -- and I'm sure the King Hippos will finish strong."

Week 2: Captain's Note

Greetings Hippos!

Welcome to Week 2 of Summer kickball!

This week's opponent: Spanking Machine! (Boo! Hiss!)

Game time is at 6.30 pm (again) on Field 2 (again).

Let's enact some Corporal Punishment on Spanking Machine! Can we do it? Yes we CANE!

Sounds like Squints and Kern are on booze duty this week, so make sure you have something in your stomach. These people are reckless!

The weather says it's going to be wet, so bring something waterproof. If you have cleats, bring 'em. If you thought the grass was slick last week, it'll be even more so in the wet.

Once again, please let me know if you'll be able to make it this week so I can put together the lineups!

Captain Big
King Hippos

"Mr. FAY: Yes. The flogger tested the cane a few times, to make sure. He would whip it. Yeah, whip it in the air. "