Roberts and His Dread Pirates Schedule

The Pink Team Has A Nice Little Wednesday

The Pink Team showed some offensive mettle on Wednesday with a resounding 7-3 victory over Kicking it Old School.

#trollstrong

The game wasn't as close as the final score would suggest, as the Slappies' defense was solid all night aside from two lapses in concentration which resulted in two scoring plays for KiOS.

"We'll clear up those miscommunications and come out stronger next week," said Captain Big. "I'm less concerned about the defense and more pleased with our performance on the other side of the ball tonight."

Game MVP Breast knocked in two on one hit, helping the Slappies put the game out of reach.

Despite their continued success on the field, however, The Pink Team's Bar Olympics woes continued with a dismal showing from Big and Nyer in the Kickball Limbo contest. Some fans were left scratching their heads when the two tallest members of the team at the bar were selected to compete in a Limbo contest, but team managers assure us that it's all part of the master plan. "We're just staying fresh for the week the Bar Game is more suitable to our very specific set of skills.

Next week the Slappies face off against second place -- and perennial league powerhouse -- Stewies' Sexy Party.

Slappies Raid Salute Your Shorts' Bunkhouse, Step on Glasses

It was a chilly Monday evening as The Pink Team took to the field for their second game of the young Minuteman season. A quick turnaround from the Wednesday season-opener, an infusion of Inner Tube Waterpolo-ers helped freshen the Slappies' lineup.

Despite tired legs The Pink Team got out to a quick start; scoring runs in the first two innings on an RBI double by Game MVP Pete and a timely single by Colin. Pete would later add another RBI in the fifth.

Perhaps it was the chill, or the fact that the Bruins were playing in a do-or-die Game 7 playoff game, but the Slappies' defense locked down, so the game fairly flew by. The Triangle was clinical on the day, and the middle infield made key plays, including a solid catch by Morgan at Shortstop.

"Super proud of her," said a super proud Captain Big. "Almost makes up for the fact that she committed the first NO PINK infraction of the season by wearing a blatantly pink sweatshirt. We were able to cover it up with my own jacket, but that means that, on her first catch of the season, she dirtied my jacket. Oy vey!"

Big's clothing judgment is not without flaw, however, as the lanky bastard was seen capering around the Slappies' bench in a ridiculously tight zip-up hoodie.

When they weren't being distracted by wardrobe malarkey  The Pink Team was content to play the part of bully Camp Mohawk.

Big threw at Shorts kicker Blum in the second, though the umpire didn't appear to notice. Tom "Donkylips" McCarthy railroaded the Shorts' shortstop at second. And Monkeybutt would add insult to injury by head-tagging a kicker as he writhed on the ground after tweaking his ankle coming out of the kickers' box.

Basically, we were big fat jerks, you guys.

It's all good, though, cuz the Bruins won and Tom bought the injured girl a beer, and that other kid's black eye had nothing to do with us!

Also, everyone loves a highlight reel. Special thanks to Chris for putting together a neato video with his fancy-pants phone!

The Pink Team Week 2 Highlights

Finally, the Slappies made a much-needed redemption effort at Bar Olympics, finishing a close second in the Tan Mom competition. A strategic decision to send the brown kid up to have the cheese puffs on him almost paid off, had it not been for Stewies' liberal use of beer-as-glue.

So we didn't win the Bar Olympics again, but we made it out of Sambas without injury for the first time this season, so we're calling it a victory.

Next week, the Slappies are back in action on Wednesday against Kicking it Old School.

The Pink Team Starts 2013 Minuteman Season with a Win

At times it wasn't pretty. At times some wondered if, perhaps, we hadn't trained in the off-season. At times the same song repeated itself on the abbreviated shuffle playlist.

But in the end, a win is a win, and The Pink Team was happy to walk away from Wednesday's Minutemen season-opener with the points.

"I'm happy with the result," said Captain Big. "It was an adventure at times, but our team never lacks heart and drive, and they got the win they deserved on the night."

The Slappies started strong, putting their first five kickers on base, plating two of them. Yuval was pegged out at home plate in a close play on Asian's first career triple. The ball grazed his trailing hand a step away from the plate.

"If he'd run like the t-rex like I've been telling him, he'd've been safe," said Big.

Phil would then drive in The Pink Team's only two runs with a meandering home run which included a near miss at third base when he avoided a tag by spreading his legs.

Defensively, the Slappies had to brush off some rust, but among the flakes were some diamonds, including a ranging catch by Bri, charging in from left center to snag a dropping pop-fly and then completing the double play with a heads up throw to first base.

The defensive play of the game, however, went to Game MVP Nancy who did well to scoop up a driven grounder at shortstop and make the quick flip to Asian at second to get the lead runner and end a rally.

Despite the on-field uncertainty, it was business-as-usual at the bar, where The Pink Team's slap-a-bitch table was torn beyond recognition, much like Tox and Breast's toilet paper roll in the Bar Olympics, whose effort was described by some as "a travesty" and "the most pathetic display of toilet-paper unrolling I've witnessed in my professional career."

The Pink Team has a short turnaround, with their second match coming on Monday against the ascendant Salute Your Shorts. The Slappies will hope to see a spark on offense and a respectable Bar Olympics performance to redeem them after Wednesday's showing which was, if we're all honest, pretty shitty.

The Pink Team Season Stats

Regular Season Stats

Click to Enlarge
This page will be updated as the season progresses.

AB - At Bats

R - Runs Scored

H - Hits

2B - Doubles

3B - Triples

HR - Home Runs

RBI - Runs Batted In

TB - Total Bases

BB - Base on Balls

OBP - On-Base Percentage

SLG - Slugging Average

AVG - Batting Average

The Pink Team Schedule

Robbies Slime Kickelodeon in Quarterfinal Blowout

The Rampaging Trilobites entered the 2012 MA Patriot Playoffs riding high on an 8 game win streak in which they consistently exhibited a comfortable dominance over the rest of the league.

Tom goes deep.

However, if Munt and Flip history has taught us anything, the team’s biggest enemy has been complacence. So the Robbies took the field on Thursday night with a self-assured determination, confident but resolute. Fans tuning in to see a close-fought duel, however, saw a game end almost before it had begun.

 Kickelodeon, who had easily dispatched Gettin’ Cider in their first round, were unprepared for the Robbies’ defensive coolness and offensive ferocity.

With three of the first four Trilobites kickers reaching base, Game MVP Tom stepped into the kicking box with a full plate. One pitch was all he needed to send the ball into deep right center for a grand slam.

The Robbies would then score five more in the bottom of the frame, including a two run triple by Pete.

Allow a ball to drop, then *you* have to drop!

“Being able to kick a triple is no easy feat,” said the breathless first baseman. “Lots of hardwork and practice go into learning just how to handle the ball with your toes. Typically, I lack the forethought to play enough to watch for signs of whether or not I should continue and end up just blowing past in excited anticipation of getting home.  Today, however, I stopped at third for a tease. The extra time spent at third led to a greater climax in the end.”

If the nine run first inning wasn’t enough to take the wind out of the orange team’s sails, a nearly impenetrable Robbie defense did. The defensive star of the night went to catcher Chris, who had three put-outs, including the night’s only double play. When asked what he’s been spiking his muscle milk with, he said, “Saints Flow! If cocaine and coffee fucked in an alley, this would be the baby they left in the trashcan.”

So there’s that.

The Trilobites’ offense would come alive, again, in the bottom of the third inning for six more runs, including RBIs by Big, Nick, two for Charles and two more for Tom.

Reporters caught up with Tom in the locker room after the offensive explosion.

“I knew that if I could get 6 RBIs in the playoffs, I could complain about arbitration in the off season,” said the plucky third baseman. “So the decision to kick a grand slam was purely a financial one, but damn if it didn't feel good.”

With a 14 run deficit, Kick-At-Night developed a keen interest in a refreshing beer and abruptly abandoned their 2012 playoff run after the top of the fourth inning.

Many of the Trilobites joined them, while others descended on the Harvard Square JP Licks where they horrified other ice cream enthusiasts with Internet video tales and Coconut Butter fights.

The Robbies will face off against Das Boot in their Semi-Final match. The Booters will be looking for revenge after their regular season defeat. The Trilobites will not be able to take their foot off the gas if they hope to earn an invite to the storied 2012 WAKA Founders Cup in Las Vegas.