The Munt and Flip

Hashtags restore order against Controlled Chaos

2011-11-07T12:06:00.000-08:00

Veteran kickballer Rob had the best game of his career, driving in three runs to lead #FirstWorldProblems to a 9-1 victory over Controlled Chaos last week.

The win left the Hashtags in second place with 5.5 points and in strong position to earn a first-round bye in the upcoming playoffs.

"We are in strong position to earn a first-round bye in the upcoming playoffs," Captain Colin said.

Los Problemos got the run-scorin' off to an early start as Big drove in Amit from the clean-up spot and then scored on a RKI single from Seamus. Controlled Chaos chipped away with one run in the bottom of the first, but that would be all they scored for the night. Rob drove in Amanda with a sacrifice in the second, and Brad added two RKI the next inning.

The floodgates opened in the fourth as Seamus, Barrett, Amanda and Shelby all crossed the plate, with the latter two scoring on a single from Rob.

"I wasn't there, but I could smell Hashtag greatness from 14.4 miles away," said Drew, #FWP's absentee pitcher.

#FirstWorldProblems close out the regular season tonight with a rivalry game against Gettin' Cider. A win will guarantee the team at least a second-place finish, while a tie or loss will plunge them into a math-filled haze of tiebreaker confusion.

#FirstWorldProblems tie up their Heroes

2011-10-31T07:46:00.000-07:00

#FirstWorldProblems continued their three-game unbeaten streak Wednesday night, holding on for a 2-2 tie against Kickball Heroes.

The Hashtags faced almost certain defeat in the bottom of the fifth inning, as the Heroes loaded the bases with only one out. But strong pitching and defense got them out of the jam.

"Strong pitching and defense got us out of the jam," Captain Colin said.

#FirstWorldProblems jumped out to a 1-0 lead in the top of the first, with Seamus driving in the speedy Yuval. The Heroes fired back with two runs in the bottom of the inning and held the lead until the fourth. Game MVP Eric led off with a double and scored the tying run on a sacrifice by outfielder Jamie, whose father was not impressed.

"Isn't the outfield where you hide your players that are terrible?" he said.

The tie put #FWP's record at 4-1-1 for the season, good enough for fifth place, with two games left in the regular season.

"We should be given more credit," said the vociferous Brow. "We held them to a tie. Only other team to do so is Stewie's [Sexy Party]."

Problems Take Presidents To the Polls: Vote For the Other Guy

2011-10-16T08:31:00.000-07:00

The rivalry between the #FirstWorldProblems and Ex-Presidents goes back years (in kickball time, so a year), so this season’s meeting promised to be an exciting matchup.

When the dust settled, leaving the Hashtags 8-5 victors, both participants and observers knew they’d seen something special.

“It was an amazing game,” said Co-Captain Big. “Two like teams with similar rosters and drives to win, you knew it was going to be close. I’m just glad we were able to pull out a W.”

Other players were invigorated by the Lily Whites’ success.

“When the going gets tough, the #Problems get going,” crowed RF Tristan. “Unless the going gets really tough, like when the barista messes up your order. That just ruins your day.”

“In order to take down these Presidents, we knew we had to bring all our Problems to the field,” said Asian.

Through the first three innings, the teams were locked together, with defensive and offensive contributions coming from all corners. In the fourth inning, however, the #Problems were able to take the lead for good with a two run-sacrifice by game MVP Angela.

“I like kickball!” shouted Angela. “I also enjoy dancing, drinks and long walks on the beach at sunset! I also like Matthew McConaughey! I thought he was excellent in The Lincoln Lawyer!”

With the win, the #Problems are rolling going into week 6 when they will face off against perennial rivals Gettin’ Cider.

#FirstWorldProblems Split Banana Mustache, Put Up Runs in Bunches

2011-10-07T10:23:00.000-07:00

The coldest Wednesday of the young season saw the #Hashtags face off against plucky Banana Mustache.

It didn’t take long to see that the #Problems were in rare form as they plated 12 runs in the first two innings.

“I think there must’ve been something in the light beer we drank before the game,” said a winded Co-Captain Big, who connected for three homeruns and 10 RKIs on the night. “But we clearly need to drink more of it.”

Nick, also on a tear this season after posting a goose-egg average this summer, connected for a homerun of his own in the second inning.

“Days after that blast to right field and I’m still catching my breath,” he said. “This is one of the few times I’ve actually kicked the ball where I intended and was glad I could contribute to the team’s success. I’ve never had to run around so many bases before and I’ve been looking for ways to shorten the trip.”

The offensive explosion was also helped along in the second inning by a booming triple by Amit who channeled his inner Adam Jensen: “I finally learned how to use my bionic leg!” (Editor’s note: Actually Amit’s an MIT alum, so this talk of bionic appendages may be more based on reality than the latest chapter in the Deus Ex videogame franchise.)

Defensively, the #Hashtags had contributions all over the field despite the chill. In the later innings, Shelby made a Top Ten-worthy snag at her shoe laces in the middle infield to stop a promising Mustache rally.

“I’m still reeling from that catch!” exulted Shelby. “I can't believe I actually caught it; I don't think I realized that I even went for it until I caught the ball!”

The #Problems don’t have long to revel in their win, however, as a short week means they have a quick turnaround for their much-anticipated matchup against bitter(-ish?) rivals: ExPresidents 2: Frontier Justice.

“Matrix: Reloaded, Temple of Doom, Rush Hour 2, Shanghai Knights: These are the sort of sequels we expect to see out of these guys,” said Big. “All sequels are terrible is what I’m saying… well, except for Two Towers… And Back to the Future 2… D2: The Mighty Ducks was pretty good, they got Keenan…”

#FirstWorldProblems Find Pitches, Place in Lost and Found

2011-09-22T09:09:00.000-07:00

Still riding the momentum of their big opening night win, the #Problems came out swinging Wednesday night against the seasoned Pitches.

Fielding an unusually light roster of only 17, the #Problems’ bench felt positively sparse at times. The lily whites would not be discouraged, however, making up for numbers with volume. And with the help of honorary #Problem (and actual Ex-President) Phil and the callback Team Your Team Could Smell Like playlist on his Loud box, the away team was able to plate four quick runs in the first to give the Pitches an uphill battle for the rest of the game.

The Benny Hill moment of the night came in the top of the fourth when, with bases loaded, the #Problems were able to capitalize on a couple of rare Pitches throwing errors and some base path errors of their own to plate two runs thanks to some overeager running by Jamie and an opportunistic (and squirrely) Asian.

“We call it the ‘Crouching Asian, Hidden Jamie!’” said Jamie. “Yeah, we're special. We got what it takes!”

Game MVP Seamus, who initiated the play and drove in three of the #Problems’ runs on the night, was elated. “It makes me feel, um, good...”

Rookie Lara (“Doctor P”) saw her first WAKA action on the night, having finally been lured into kickball by husband Tristan. Sambas may have outshone her on-field experience on the night, however. “Whenever I go to Sambas, I know I can expect marital advice from the bartender and unbelievably delicious cake (or at least one of the two?).”

The #FirstWorldProblems are off to a fast start this season. Kickball, cake and pitchers are a good Wednesday night by anybody’s standards.

Free agents shine in #FirstWorldProblems debut

2011-09-16T09:20:00.000-07:00

#FirstWorldProblems got off to a strong start with a 12-1 victory Wednesday night. Newcomers Brad (game MVP) and Jamie made instant impacts, going a combined 4-for-4 with 3 RKI and 3 runs scored.

"We're coming out strong this season," said Big, who reached base twice, with 1 RKI and 2 runs scored. "We clearly won the off-season race, picking up a handful of future kickball superstars. Those moves are already paying dividends. The top teams in the league are soon going to realize they've got #Problems to deal with."

#FWP put up seven runs in the first inning and relied on strong defense and Big's pitching to keep the opposition at bay. When asked for comment, star infielder Nancy replied, "Really? Did I do something special?"

When informed that she went 1-for-2 with 2 RKI, Nancy added, "Oh. Right."

The win was a strong team effort, with other run producers and scorers including Amanda, Pete, Frey, Colin, Big, Seamus and Shelby.

The #Hashtag Revolution

2011-09-14T21:05:00.000-07:00

"Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive and don't ever apologize for anything." - Harry S. Truman

As stolen from a better speech:

Let's set the record straight. There is no argument over the choice between winning and fun, but there is only one guaranteed way you can have winning--and you can have it in the next second--sobriety.

Admittedly there is a risk in any course we follow other than this, but every lesson in history tells us that the greater risk lies in apathy, and this is the specter our well-meaning sober friends refuse to face--that their policy of seriousness is assanine, and it gives no choice between winning and fun, only between play and apathy. If we continue to accommodate, continue to back and retreat from these tea tottlers, eventually we have to face the final demand--the ultimatum. And what then? When Stewies Sexy Party has told their people he knows what our answer will be? He has told them that we are retreating under the pressure of the Vegas Cup, and someday when the time comes to deliver the ultimatum, our sobriety will be voluntary because by that time we will have weakened from within spiritually, morally, and economically. They believe this because from our side he has heard voices pleading for "winning at any price" or "better Win than Fun," or as one commentator put it, he would rather "win on his feet than fuck on his back." And therein lies the road to apathy, because those voices don't speak for the rest of us. You and I know and do not believe that winning is so dear and playing so sweet as to be purchased at the price of boredom and sobriety. If nothing in life is worth drinking for, when did this begin--just in the face of this enemy? Or should Shookie not have made "shoes" for the Hippos? Should Ray have never shown up? Should Tristan and Seamus not have shown up slinging rum and Diet Coke? The drunks of our history were not fools, and our honored retired who gave their drinks to stop the advance of Gettin' Cider didn't die in vain. Where, then, is the road to fun? Well, it's a simple answer after all.

You and I have the courage to say to our enemies, "There is a price we will not pay." There is a point beyond which they must not advance. Winston Churchill said "I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly." And he said, "There is something going on in time and space, and beyond time and space, which, whether we like it or not, spells Happy Hour."

You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this, the last best hope of drinking in WAKA, or we will sentence them to take the last step into a thousand years of sobriety.

#FirstWorldProblems Schedule

2011-09-10T11:35:00.000-07:00

Regular Season Stats

2011-07-15T19:57:00.000-07:00

The Superlatives (Kickball Achievements)

Silver Boot (Highest Average): Brennan (.900)
The Youkilis (Most Walks): Nancy (2)
Drive 'Em In (Most RBIs): Big (13)
Go On Without Me! (Most Sacrifice RBIs): Tie Brennan and Asian (2)
Boom-Goes-The-Dynamite (Most HRs): Big (4)
Oh-Fer (Lowest Average): Nick (.000)*
The Jackson (Most Hits): Tie Seamus and Big (10)

Complete Stats (Click to Enlarge)

Gone to Plaid 2011

* Kelly's .000 Average exempted because she managed to drive in a run.

Gone to Plaid Shoot Shoot Til Yah Boot Til They Boot

2011-07-15T18:07:00.000-07:00

The Spaceballs arrived at the final game of the 2011 MA Patriot season the same way they started the first, at full throat and in high spirits. With the prospect of an undefeated season at hand, they took the field with pride, determination and verve.

While the offense had an uncharacteristically slow first inning, they started cooking in the second with a 2 RBI double by Game MVP Nancy.

“After two weeks of walking, my legs were itching for a big kick,” said Nancy. “My opportunity came in the 2nd with bases loaded and one out. It has been my goal to one day kick a home run. Well I got the next best thing!”

Chris then brought in Wayne and Rob finished the attach with a sac fly to score Nancy.

The scoring continued in the fourth with a 3 RBI single by Pete. Vapok then scored on a single by Brennan.

The final Asshole run would come in the fifth off of a Big Home Run.

Defensively, Gone to Plaid were clearly relaxed. However, the play of the night went to Kate, who saved a certain run-scoring boot to left center with a solid catch.

“I have been working on improving my reception skills, and I suppose all of the four-leaf clovers that I have been hunting out there have come in handy!” said Radio. “It was nice to get my hands on that ball! I may not be able to kick, but apparently I can catch! I’m a much more feminine Carl Crawford!”

At the other end of the spectrum, a missed tag by Big that rolled into centerfield resulted in a pair of runs for the Green in the fifth. Asian’s “Swim Move” finally failed her as a twisting pop-up managed to spin out of her hands. Seamus, however, put the most gray hair on his captain’s head, spending the better part of the fifth inning lying on his side and picking daisies in right field.

When reached for comment, Seamus allowed only: “Rum.”

One of the plays of the season, however, has to go to the final out of the game. A perfectly placed bunt down the third baseline forced Kevin to charge hard from third. Instead of scooping the ball up for the throw, however, he chose to shoe the ball over to first to get the runner.

“I never want to see him do that again,” said Big. “But I have to admit, that was freaking awesome!”

Though the performance wasn’t flawless, its larger meaning for the season is clear. Gone to Plaid finish the regular season undefeated and take the first place seed going into the playoffs, with a bye round.

“I’m enormously proud,” said a tearful Captain Big. “This is a great squad. I couldn’t ask for better. The sky’s the limit for the Spaceballs!”

Spaceballs Temper the Bootleggers

2011-07-08T13:32:00.000-07:00

Thursday saw an “Original 8” matchup between a pair of MA Patriot veterans and longtime rivals. With a tight race for the top spot in the division at stake, Gone to Plaid took the field with purpose against a seasoned foe.

With a final score of 4-1, it came down to the stronger defense. The Assholes were nearly impeccable in the field, playing with the class and level-headedness of an experienced squad.

The outfield was rock solid, letting not a single fly drop. Pete and Colin at first base were steel traps through the match, keeping everything close and not giving up free passes. Many of those throws came from home plate as the Bootleggers proved themselves to be excellent bunters.

"Brow made some really strong, clutch throws to first,” said Colin. “I was worried he'd throw out his shoulder (again), but then I remembered all the steroids and HGH he took during his recovery. Thank God WAKA doesn't have drug testing!"

Brow’s performance on the field, along with a 2 for 2 day at the plate with two runs and an RBI earned him the Game MVP (entirely on merit, no pity award this season). As always, though, the catcher was humble:

“That might have been the best game we've had in awhile. Everyone brought their A game: a big catch by Rob, Chris had a fantastic shot and we saw some great crying… from the pitcher when I incorrectly told Radio to bat.”

As Madden said, however, if you don’t put any points on the board, you’ll have a hard time winning the game. While the defense was sparkling, the Spaceballs, again, proved themselves to have the mettle to squeeze runs out of the tightest of defenses.

They plated their first run in the opening frame with a triple by Big. But the fireworks came out in the fourth with an extended rally that started with Nancy’s second walk of the season. When asked about her capacity for working deep counts and ability to lay off those outside pitches she said:

“I've been quite lucky getting into the pitcher's head lately. Last year, the pitcher couldn't find the strike zone and threw meatballs, last week I walked; and this week I walked on a rare kickball full count. I guess patience really is a virtue.”

Nancy would eventually come around to score on a double by Brennan. Chris continued his recent hot streak, lacing a single scoring on Matty’s single a few at-bats later.

It proved to be one of the tightest games of Gone to Plaid’s season thus far and leaves them in excellent position to finish the season strong.

With the victory, Gone to Plaid continue their season-long undefeated streak while the Bootleggers suffered only their second loss of the season. Both teams look to be strong contenders in the playoffs this season.

And now: My favorite picture of the season...

Thanks Matty!

Gone to Plaid to Fresh Kicks: ‘That’s what I call a close encounter!’

2011-07-01T12:13:00.000-07:00

A rare clear sky greeted the Spaceballs as they took to the field on Thursday against the vaunted Fresh Kicks of Ball(Air). After a two week kickball drought, Gone to Plaid were champing at the bit to do some ballin’ and it showed.

After a quiet first inning, the Spaceballs put their first runs on the board with RBIs by Brennan and Kate, scoring Shelby and Asian.

The Assholes would break it open in the fourth, however, with a two out rally that plated 7 runs, including two by Game MVP Wayne and a three run home run by Captain Big.

Wayne doesn’t like the limelight, so refrained from comment after the match, though he expressed affection for his teammates and was proud of their performance.

Defensively, Gone to Plaid were sparkling. Aside from Big throwing the ball into the weeds in the fifth, the Assholes played an error-free game, with contributions coming from all over the field. Shelby and Angela made big catches at their positions but the defensive play of the game went to Asian, who made a phenomenal one-handed snag at second robbing the Kicks of at least a single.

“I’m so proud of myself for catching that ball! I went like this then I went like that and held on to it!” she said, breathlessly.

The Plaid took advantage of the superb conditions to try some players at new positions. Matty finally got his start behind the plate and excelled.

“Getting’ a shot behind the plate was awesome,” said Matty. “The bums were nice, of course, but I'm more concerned whether or not they give good helmet. Having such a great fielding team was instrumental in this win when our opponents tried to mount a rally, and it was GREAT to watch it all from home plate!”

Due to some last minute scratches, Colin “Man of” found himself in shallow center, again. However, he played the position like a true vet, making a key out in the late going at second base.

“I know hick I was playing center field, but I hadn't hick been to second base in a while, so when the opportunity hick presented itself, I reached out and grabbed hick it!”

The Fresh Kicks managed a brief rally in the fifth to put two runs across when Big (again, insisting on being solely responsible for all runs allowed this season) threw the ball into the weeds.

Gone to Plaid hopes to hold on to this momentum as they move into the last few weeks of the season, their eyes on the coveted Division Title and the glory of the MA Patriot Championship beyond that.

Next week they will face off against the veteran and streaking Bootleggers.

Spaceballs Drain 40oz Tiger Bloods

2011-06-19T15:55:00.000-07:00

The night was warm as the black and pinks faced off on the dirt field at Cambridge Common. Many of the Spaceballs sported a gold-ringed sock on their right legs to commemorate the Boston Bruin’s historic Stanley Cup victory (though the “Bruin Fan Award” goes to Munt & Flip Vet JP who brought his replica Stanley Cup to the field and bar).

The game started quickly with both teams plating runners in the first. Matty kicked in Rob to put up the Assholes’ first run.

With bases loaded, Brennan then laced a sac fly into left field scoring fleet-footed Chris from third.

“Well at the time I got up there,” said Brennan. “I had just realized that the bases were loaded which didn't leave me a ton of room to bunt. So true to form I said, ‘Well, let’s just shoe the SOB and see where she lands.’ No fly is better than a fly with a sac behind it.”

With two men on, Big then kicked his second home run of the season to open up a comfortable lead over the fresh-faced Tiger Bloods. Shelby would then kick in Josh in the top of the third to close out the scoring for Gone to Plaid.

While it wasn’t a blow out, it never felt particularly close as the Spaceballs’ defense was sparkling, their only allowed run coming on an overthrow by Big to first.

Game MVP and “Hero for a Day” Chris had the catch of the day in left field saving at least one run.

“It felt nice to make that catch, awkward as it may have been,” said Chris. “I used my big fat head to clamp the ball against it. I’m a big damn hero.”

Other players on the team stepped up, as well, as the Spaceballs were faced with an unprecedented number of absent fielders, leading to a stretched depth chart. Rookie Matty played his first game at third base and excelled despite the pressure.

“Nerves? There’s ice in these veins!” said Matty. “Being thrown into the hot corner last minute was a pleasant surprise. While the corner wasn't particularly ‘hot’ for this game, it was a great challenge that I was happy to accept. When you got so much Schwartz in ya, it's easy to fight adversity.”

Many of Gone to Plaid then made their way to the bar where they, once again, dominated rivals Blue Steel at the flip cup table, led by the plucky Angel, who was unmatched in first flip landings.

The Spaceballs look forward to their next game against the Fresh Kicks of BallAir.

Gone to Plaid Scrimmage Pitch Intense, Take Notes

2011-06-05T14:04:00.000-07:00

The drama of Thursday night’s match-up was short-lived when it became clear that the league’s competitive squad, Pitch Intense, would be unable to field a full squad and were forced to take a paper forfeit.

Because of their passion for the sport, however, both teams decided to give the crowd a show and play for nothing but honor and bragging rights.

With a final score of 4-0, Gone to Plaid was blanked for the first time in six seasons of kickball, but Captain Big was optimistic.

“It’s tough to take a rec team up against a squad like Pitch Intense and expect to put up crooked numbers,” said the captain. “It’s like triple-A against the Major League. That said, I’m really happy with our team’s defense tonight. We showed a lot of pluck and tenacity to stay after it despite being the overwhelming underdogs.”

Game MVP Leigh Tangerine, Esq. started her first game all season and was immediately challenged in center field, taking a ball off the face in the early going. Shortly afterwards, another bomb came her way and, without blinking, she stepped up and made a big catch.

“It was wonderful to have kickball back in my life,” said Leigh. “I learned that it is better to catch the ball instead of trying to direct it to the second basewoman with your eye socket. But I still hope to bring that same aggression to the base paths next week. I also learned that it is hard to hear cute guys make fun of your outfit when you are wearing a hollowed-out kickball on your head.”

The other outfielder to come up huge making use of both arms and face on a run-stealing catch was rookie Shelby. Shelby missed last week with a nasty case of Dengue Fever, so most sources were doubtful of her match fitness. However, the gutsy fielder took her spot in left field and came up big with a tough catch on a hard-kicked ball that she did will to hold onto.

When asked about her technique, Shelby quipped, “All I know is that, for most of us, the kickball field isn't the first or last place we'll be getting hit in the face by a ball.”

The Spaceballs learned lessons all night, on the field and off.

“I learned a valuable lesson last night,” said Seamus. “A personal 2 liters of rum & coke are a bad idea unless you are planning to pick up an order of Crab Rangoon from the Mexican Chinese place and a chicken parm calzone from a pizza shop on the walk home from the T.”

Words to live by.

Gone to Plaid is looking forward to a return to form the second half of the season with an eye on a rematch against Intense in the Finals.

“We’ll be ready,” said Big. “Our strategy may include the addition of fast-acting laxatives to their Gatorade or itching powder in their jock straps, but we’ll be ready.”

Spaceballs to Warlocks: “You Shall Not Pass!”

2011-05-27T12:04:00.000-07:00

Perennial MA Patriot giants Gone To Plaid and Blue Steel (this year masquerading as Big Blue WINNING! MaSheen) took the field on Thursday, and as they did the tremors could be felt as far away as the Sheraton Commander. The rivalry between these teams is as deep as any in kickball, going back almost four years in a history that is both storied and legendary.

It was Blue Steel that Gone to Plaid (then the Green Team) had to triumph over in an epic overtime-into-the dark match to achieve their first league Championship. Their games, as captains for both squads have said, are never blow-outs. They’re always close as both teams bring out the best in their opponents. Thursday’s match was no different.

It had the makings of a pitchers’ duel as both hurlers appeared to be dialed in at the start. The only run for the first half of the game came in the first off an RBI single by Big with bases loaded.

After that, scoring ground to a halt as the defenses for both squads turned in sparkling performances. Nick, moving across the diamond from his normal position, had a stellar performance at first, earning him the season’s first defensive-based Game MVP award.

“With our star first basemen out of the lineup, I knew there was a big challenge ahead of me and I put Operation Vacu-Suck into action,” said Nick. “Megamaid was huge, but we would be nothing without my fellow Assholes. It was truly an honor to don the helmet!”

In the end, it took heads-up and aggressive baserunning from FBJ and Matty to give the Spaceballs a pair of insurance runs in the top of the fourth. Both managed to scoot home when the MaSheen’s infielders paid a little too much attention to other runners, including Asian who made yet another diving play on the basepaths.

“I knew our opponents were top notch and that we'd need every run we could get,” said Matty when. “You can't be Prince Valium out there on the bases, you have to be on your toes. I saw that they let their guard down for a moment and knew I had my chance. I took only what I needed to survive.”

In the end, those bare three runs turned out to be enough as Gone To Plaid’s defense managed to prevent the potent Blue Steel offense from getting a rally going.

Veteran fielder Rob “R-Squared” Rogers said, “That was probably one of the better games I've played in a while because we basically were evenly matched, it was like a chess match. Leading 1-0 we couldn't figure out what to do in order to score more points. But we as team strategized and took the other team out of their element! That was an intense game...and next week will only be that more intense!”

Gone To Plaid’s official boosters club enjoyed the nail biter. “It was better than going to a Red Sox game,” said Mari Frey.

The WINNING MaSheen weren’t about to let the Assholes off the hook that easily, however. Challenging the Plaid at the bar, Big Blue were a force to be reckoned with at the flip cup table, probably winning the majority of the races. However, the Spaceballs came up big in the final race which, Big points out, the Blues, themselves, announced was the “winner take all” contest. Maybe next time, friends.

The Spaceballs are now looking to next week when they’ll match up against league leaders, Pitch Intense, with former Munt & Flip-er: Captain Phil Monkeybutt.

Photos courtesy of Matty Stevenson

Where do we go from here?

2011-05-20T06:31:00.000-07:00

WARNING: The following ideas, thoughts, and statements are solely those of the author and do not represent the thoughts of feelings of the team, the team captains, the Patriot League 2011, or league management. Readers should recall this was written by an asshole and all statements should be taken with a grain of salt.

So far, this season has been a good one for the team. Our first week out we shutout what might be our arch-rivals, we stick it out through our second, rain-soaked week and we even made it to the bar. People seem to be getting along and so far theres been no injuries.

But the seasons Volta leaves no time for waste, week 3 stands to be a complete sea-change. According to reports our Week 3 opponents were beaten by our Week 4 opponents 7-1. That sounds like we’re in for an easy week on the 26th but last nights score masks the reality of the situation. Pitchin’ Tents (Week 4) was a team farmed from last years teams, a VIP collection of occasionally good-natured, but none-the-less ruthless players who were upset they didn’t shutout Big Blue WINNING! MaSheen (Week 3). If that sounds like a dick statement on their part, it is. But that’s mostly irrelevant. After the game they’re actually pretty nice people, but they came into this season with a plan that did not include mercy.

First off, MaSheen is not nearly as bad as their name or that score from last night implies. They themselves are a team comprised of two previously competitive teams who did all right on their own. Rain can throw a lot of teams for a loop, and when you play against Tents, you’re going to need to be on you’re a-game. Its evident from watching them that they’ve got some big guns and they aren’t always pop-flies. Teams who’s outfielders don’t back one another up often end up chasing balls into adjacent games. According to the Standings, they won their previous game 7-1.

Tents is a different ball game all together. Unlike regular teams where you hope to outplay them, Tents as a team (in this league) is impossible to outplay. There will be no weak portion of their line-up, there won’t be sloppy errors or players who grab the ball and don’t know where it’s supposed to be thrown, or where the smartest play is. I think its reasonable to expect them to hold runners back, rather than go for outs, and just pick off much easier players via fly balls. Double-plays are not an impossibility here.

But Tents is, after all, mortal and there are going to be exploits we should work. I’d remind folks that they aren’t going to give quarter here, so its best to force them to try for things they aren’t good at. The major weakness of teams like this: Tents, C.L.I.T., the Cider of old, or any other team who might be found to be too serious is the thought that they might lose. If you come out of the second inning beating them and getting them frustrated about their winning potential, the wheels tend to come off. Smart opposition will often dash this with some indirect, arrogant chatter to get under their skin. All-star teams do exist, but if you force them to beat themselves, your chances improve ten-fold.

The reality of the situation is anything could happen, and while the next two weeks are going to be a test of will, they shouldn’t hamper the season. Lets just say, for the sake of strategic advancement, that we lose the next two weeks. The chances are good that well finish the season 6-2 in that unfortunate situation leaving us mid-pack for the playoffs. I haven’t looked at how they intend to deal with the 2 extra teams (likely a bye round). But Mid-pack is a great place for us to be. A lot of math is done during the season to establish X,Y, & Z but the truth is regular season stats don’t matter much in the playoffs, and a team with momentum is often tough to beat. The Volta’s here, the cake-walk won’t be back until Mid-June, but if nothing else the next two weeks will tell us who we are as a team, and more importantly where we can improve. Knowing this before the playoffs might be the best thing we could have on our side.

Aside from a radio this season, a backstop on the grass fields, a booze cooler, and a bigger bar. But hey, who’s complaining?

Spaceballs Shelve Dewey Decimators

2011-05-19T20:03:00.000-07:00

It was a damp field that Gone to Plaid stepped onto on Thursday for the second game of the fledgling 2011 MA Patriot season. Spirits were high coming off a decisive victory over Gettin' Cider the previous week and the red-hot Assholes offense was eager to get their kick on, no matter what Mother Nature threw at them.

A slow start saw the Decimators take an early lead in the first with effective bunting and heads up baserunning.

However, the Spaceballs broke through in the second, plating three off of a sac fly by Asian and an impressive two RBI single by game MVP Tristan.

Tristan wasn’t able to hang around to celebrate his career day at the plate, but when reached for comment he said: “It was wet (like your mom). It was slippery (like your mom). But we were raring to go (like your mom). And we scored over and over again (like your mom).”

Gone to Plaid then broke it open with a nine run fourth inning with RBIs by Josh, Nancy, (the recently betrothed and pictured) Kevin, Seamus and Brennan. Captain Big brought home three with his first homerun of the season.

The Decimators would bring in three in the bottom of the inning, but the Spaceballs were able to rely on some uncommon teamwork in the field that helped ensure victory.

First, the recently engaged Kevin and Catie paired up for a catch in shallow left center when Kevin reached up for a pop-up and couldn’t find a grip. Catie, backing up her partner, was able to pluck the falling ball out of the air before it hit the ground to make the out.

“It was wet out there, which is how I like it,” said the blushing bride-to-be. “I was just glad I could get behind my fiancé and catch his slippery ball! Feeling great now that I have a Schwartz all my own!”

The defensive adventures continued in the next inning when Kevin was able to help out teammate Kate in right center. As the ball floated, threatening to land behind her, Kate was able to tip the ball right into Kevin’s arms.

“It’s much easier to pitch a ball game when you know you’ve got fielders out there who are so willing to work together,” said Big, who would do well to follow his own advice. It was his gaff in the infield that led to a pair of opportunistic runs for the Decimators in the fourth.

The jubilant Assholes made their way to a mercifully crowded Tommy Doyle’s to raise a glass. Seamus, after raising a few glasses, said “We hope to continue to bring the spirit, and the beard, of Thomas Doyle to each and every game for the remainder of the season.”

Words to live by… I think…

Gone to Plaid will hit the field next week against long-time rivals Blue St- erm Big Blue WINNING! MaSheen.

Gone to Plaid Take off at Ludicrous Speed

2011-05-13T09:41:00.000-07:00

With a squad bigger than Spaceball One, Gone to Plaid stepped onto the hallowed fields of Cambridge Common ready to get their kick on. And with a decisive 10-0 victory over dreaded Gettin’ Cider, they sent a message to the rest of the league: “Dreams of victory? We’re here to take the air out of those sails.”

“The Schwartz was definitely with us,” said Co-Captain and Game MVP Colin. “We beamed Gettin’ Cider 10 times last night. It was wonderful.”

In a night of too many stars, Colin was the offensive leader, getting on base twice, scoring his first run of the season and kicking in two RBIs in the fourth inning.

Seamus played his first game in the lead off spot and reached twice. “It’s amazing to see those giant calves wrapped in those twisty socks churn down that line.” said Captain Big.

The defensive play of the night went to Wayne in the hot corner, with the season’s first fabled seam from third to first, hitting Colin right in the Lobster claws. “My arm went all tingly after that throw,” said Thumper. “All of me went tingly,” replied Captain Big.

The other defensive standout of the day was behind the dish. After a season-ending dislocated shoulder last season, there was talk in the off-season of a trade or early retirement. However, The Brow shucked the doubters and took his place behind the plate and had one of his best games in recent memory. “I think I have boner for this season,” Brennan said after the win.

Veteran Angela was perfect at the plate and on the bases, beating out a perfect bunt and scoring a run from second. “When I saw my bunt go right down the first base line, I thought I was done,” said Angela. “But months of training have proven successful and I was able to outrun the throw. I'm hoping that this first game sets the tone for the rest of the season.”

Co-Captain Asian earned the season’s first band-aid, sliding not once, but twice on the bases, picking up a couple of scuffs and cuts for her troubles. “I bled for the team!,” she aid. “I bled before you did,” she accused.

Even rookie Matty is confident, (though his kicking style leaves something to be desired, according to a petulant Captain Big). “Gone to Plaid is where it's at; the team to watch out for this season.”

Fans of the club went home happy on Thursday night, happy to see their team start the season off with a bang. Everyone is now nurturing high hopes for the year as Gone to Plaid has already positioned themselves in the league as the team to beat.

~Photos courtesy of Matty Stevenson

Gone To Plaid - MA Patriot 2011 Schedule

2011-05-04T10:00:00.000-07:00

Spaceballs: The Flow Chart

2011-05-03T07:20:00.000-07:00

Four years ago, a ragtag group of co-workers had a friend whose boyfriend's co-workers were starting a kickball team. They all joined together and formed the Middlesex Panthers, a team which paid no mind to its inexperience on the kickball diamond, focused on its deep expertise at the bar and rode this combination to a rousingly successful second-place finish.

Every kickball season since then, members of that original team have trudged along, losing many players but gaining even more new ones along the way -- other co-workers, high school friends, college roommates, significant others and kickball castaways looking for new homes.

With this constant change, it can be difficult for even the most veteran kickballer to keep track of how everyone originally knew everyone else. And for the many newbies on Gone to Plaid, following these relationships would be downright impossible. Well, not anymore. I am proud to present "Spaceballs: The Flow Chart."

"Spaceballs: The Flow Chart," although more confusing than a Tokyo subway map, is the easiest way to show how everyone originally knew everyone else. (It does not track current connections, like the fact that Angela and Leigh are roommates now, or that Brennan and Tristan have a little fling that they think we don't know about.) Special thanks to Catie for helping me put this together and to Eric for fixing my mistakes and making it look all nice like.

Baseball Fundamentals

2011-04-22T07:21:00.000-07:00

or, Everything I really needed to know I learned back at Tri-Valley Baseball Camp on the West side of Taunton.

Maybe its because my mother went to college to be a gym teacher, or because like most other white suburban kids, I was the heir apparent to an athletic throne that never existed. The prodigal son returning home to reclaim a lost glory for every adult male who never played D-1. But I spent my summers learning "fundamentals" for any sport that would offer a camp. Fundamentals, by the by, is Orwellian for child-labor drills. There is nothing fun about them, and to further turn the screw, you are barked at constantly until you perfect things like "the crow hop" or where the correct location for a layup to hit the backboard is. As any good prodigal knows, the backboard is the root of good fundamentals. Swishes are mistakes or arrogance displayed by hotshots.

Because of my brutal conditioning, I moved over to a-traditional sports as soon as I hit high school. And while Kickball is certainly a-traditional, and could be one of the most subversive sports in america (can you really contort the American Game so brazenly on public property?) the basics are too close to baseball for me to not get all Manchurian Candidate on people when they make mistakes born form a lack of brutal discipline.

I was once told by some military buff that untrained armies will retreat after only 10% causalities incurred; the nerve! I don't know if those figures are exactly right, but the point there is fear and adrenaline will fuck your ass up, and if you don't have a Pavlovian response to a grounder coming at you with a man on 1 & 2, you're likely going to make a mistake.

For kids fundamentals, like beatings, are necessary. Kids are dopes and if it isn't instinctual, it probably isn't done. What 9 year old in their right mind powers through a gnat in the throat while chasing a fly into right field? Exactly. But adults have the ability to internalize things they should be doing. Heres a list of the top X number of mistakes I see on the kickball field that, If I were 9, I would be screamed at for. There would also be laps...fatty.

1. Don't throw the ball before you have the ball in your hands.

I can't tell you, if you're looking at it analytically, how stupid this makes people look. The balls making a bee-line for them and they're trying to arrange themselves in such a fashion to get the ball to an appropriate base before they even have it. WTF are you doing?

If you don't have a secure hold on the ball you are either bobbling it or throwing it into the weeds. Both are shitty responses to a grounder and you ought to be benched. Yes, waiting for the ball to come completely into your paws does waste valuable second (not pluralized intentionally) but thats life. If the ball didn't get to you quick enough, you should have either charged it, or you settle for the defensive holding. Now, people are going to read "settle" as pejorative. It should be taken that way only in the event your offense sucks. Holding the line is often better than an out. In the long haul, you maintain a lot better stats than the goofy, bobbled throws that might make it. This isn't Fievel, quit dreaming.

2. Back up your base

The outfield for new kids is scary. The kickball, the last time you played, was your size, and catching a pop-fly meant taking it in the teeth and a possible nurse visit. But you're an adult now, so sack up and get after it. Once you've achieved dignity again, your next move is to start backing up the bases. As I've shown above, you already have some idiot on third throwing it 45 feet over the head of the first basement. I know the position in right field is cushy, but jog over in preparation. You know who's playing third, and he's a train wreck as is, never mind the 5th he had before the game. Make moves.

Same goes for everyone else except first base who really should not go anywhere.

3. Know where the play is

You should always assume its coming to you. Because it is coming to you. And not the easy way, the "everyone's going to tell you 'its ok' but we all know they think you're an asshole" way. When you get it (because you knew it was coming to you) and you wait until you actually have it (because we do not throw early) you should know which base the ball ought to be thrown at. Don't over think it. In kickball, if you threw it where it should have gone, and by some odd aberration things went awry, those issues are settled in two ways:

a. rethrowing, which is achievable because you got the throw off early and didn't dally with it and...

b. arguing with ref's/rock,paper,scissor. The captains handle this, you don't need to worry about it.

If you were caught sleeping, throw it to first. Great news, theres always a play at first. But you should not be sleeping.

4. Saccing it in.

By the Top of the 2nd you know who you're playing. If its going to be a low scoring game, don't shy away from the sac runs. If theres someone on 2nd or 3rd, you have no to 1 out recorded, launch a fat one out as far as it can go. If they catch it, you still get a run, and thats harder to recover from than an out. Which brings me to my final point.

5. Tag up. This is not a joke.

Kickball is a lot of fun. Unless you don't tag up and fuck things up for everyone. This is not a joke. If its in the air, and you leave the bag before its caught, when its caught, you have to come back and touch the base again. This is easily solved by not leaving the bag until its caught. That can confuse some folks so I'll write it again. Don't leave the bag until the ball is caught. I hope we're clear on this. Its not a joke. The guy just sacced it to the outfield so our children could eat tonight, and you're pissing on their cornmeal. No one is happy.

I hope you found this lesson interesting and informative. If you don't have the time to read it, don't worry, 25 other people will be screaming these lessons at you as you play.

Gone To Plaid: Introduction

2011-03-31T10:23:00.000-07:00

Greetings Kickballers!

Welcome to Summer kickball! I hope you're all getting pumped for the return to the hallowed fields of Cambridge Common, where glory is won and alcohol is surreptitiously consumed.

This season we are Gone To Plaid! If You have no idea what we're talking about, shame on you for your lack of Mel Brooks education. In a nutshell, however, check it. We may have to do a Spaceballs team viewing in the season lead up. Drinking game is every time there's a penis joke (spoken or physical)? We can work out the specifics on the night.

As you know, the season starts on May 12, but I know many of you would like to get out there and shake some rust off, kick around and practice before being thrown into the pressure-cooker that is game time. I figure it'll be easiest to all descend on a field somewhere, but when people are available is the tough part. Any preferences? Prolly a weekend'll be easiest.

Next item of business is probably the most important. Socks. I've looked for plaid/argyle socks online that'll meet our needs (full calf-length, preferably athletic), but the few options I've found are exorbitantly expensive. I've heard the suggestion that I make a run to Target and see what they have, so I'll do that this weekend. If I can't beat a ~$6/pair price, though, we'll go back to soccer socks. I've heard the suggestion to return to the tornado/stripe styles. If the Target option doesn't pan out, I'll put together another survey, since that worked pretty well before.

We are, officially, black. I don't know how many of you ordered the Dry Fit option (I did), but I wouldn't worry too much about overheating. Games are late enough in the afternoon that the color of our shirts shouldn't be too much of a problem.

Once again, the team site is up and running. The Munt And Flip will be your resource for game recaps, season schedule, etc. If you wish to contribute to the blog, let me know and I'll give you write permissions (if you don't already have them).

There're a few addresses on the list that aren't Gmail accounts. Though I don't anticipate having another 300 email outburst like we did in the registration process, we still get pretty long-winded, so if you have a Gmail account, I'd recommend using it (just send it to me and I'll update your contact info in my list). If you don't, make one. It's free and it's awesome. I'll (or somebody will) also probably create a Google Calendar of our schedule which'll be handy.

SO! Who's up for some freaking KICKBALL this year!? Let get out there and kick some balls!

Captain Big
Gone To Plaid

"Smoke 'em if you got 'em"

Snowman!

2010-12-08T12:44:00.000-08:00

☃

Happy Holidays from the Munt And Flip.

Snowman courtesy of Unicode and the much-learned Yuval.

Bandits Come Up Short in Close Match Against Former Leaders of the Free World

2010-10-14T08:57:00.000-07:00

Monday night’s matchup between the Wet Bandits and the Ex-Presidents was a true corker. With big plays, big scores and even bigger collisions, the fans were treated to one of the more exciting games of the 2010 Fall Season.

The mayhem started in the top of the first inning, when Bandits Big and Frey collided spectacularly in the outfield.

A slightly woozy Frey later said, "They say that when you’re about to die, the most important people in your life flash before your eyes. Last night, in the moments before I collided with Big, I had a vision. And that vision was Catie Mills."

“Wait,” said Catie. “Who are you? How’d you get in my house?”

“Also wait,” added Big. “I ran into someone? Is that what that bump was? I really didn’t think anything of it…”

The Ex-Presidents managed to put five runs across in the first inning, but the Bandits began chipping into that lead right away, with a run in the first, when Big managed to push the speedy Yuval across.

The Bandits’ defense then held strong through the rest of the game, only allowing one more run in the fourth inning. Meanwhile, the offense got two more runs back in both the third and fourth innings off of enterprising running by Nancy, Nathan and Asian.

The second collision came in the top of the third at second base when Nathan’s knee met Ex-President Paul’s head. Like half of the NFL quarterbacks this season, it was quickly determined that Paul was concussed and he was led off the field to a round of applause from both sides.

“It was pretty scary,” said Big. “Kickball can sometimes get a bit heavy, but you hate to see anyone get hurt. We hope to see Paul out on the fields next week, if only so that Nathan can buy him a pitcher!”

The Bandits’ Nancy also had a somewhat rocky night as she, first, jammed a finger on a fly ball in the first and later caught it in the face in the third.

“I really had a rough night,” said Nancy. “Apparently two weeks off was too much for me because clearly I wasn't in catching mode. Not only did I sprain my finger in the first inning trying to catch a fly ball, that same ball decided it didn't do enough damage and smacked me in the face in the third.”

The play in the third should make the highlight reel, though, as the high pop-up floated on her, came off her hands, then face and bounced up behind her where Game MVP BK caught it before it hit the ground.

As the plucky Bandits kept the pressure on, the Ex-Presidents’ early lead shrank to one run in the fifth. Some of the chatter got a bit personal.

“You're going down Jen ‘Baseball Pants’ Eaton!!!” cried Phil.

The Presidents were able hold off the Bandits, though, ending the nail-biter in the bottom of the fifth with some solid defense.

The Bandits will be looking to bounce back next week when they face off against Chicks Like It Tickled.

Wet Bandits hang tough to beat New Kicks on the Block

2010-09-23T09:20:00.000-07:00

The Wet Bandits improved to 3-0 on the young kickball season with a rousing 7-3 victory over New Kicks on the Block on Monday night.

The back-and-forth battle featured two ties and two lead changes before the Bandits broke it open with a four-run fourth inning. The rally saw the first three kickers -- Helen, Amit and Amanda -- reach base and eventually score, with RKIs from Zach, Phil (who also scored later) and Big.

"They had an awesome pitcher, but at the end of the night, the Bandits proved they had the right stuff," said Big, who went 2-for-2 with 3 RKIs on the night. "Also, judging by the credit cards Asian found in the dirt by second base, we've moved beyond robbing houses and into identity theft!"

NKOTB got off to an early 2-0 lead as Big struggled with his command on the mound, but he helped his own cause in the bottom half of the inning with a single to drive in Amanda. The Bandits tied the game in the bottom of the second as Nancy followed Marshall's embarrassing strikeout with a single that scored Yuval. Frey added an RKI in the third inning to give the Bandits their first lead of the game.

On the defensive side, Kevin made several impressive throws from third base to first base, keeping his arm and shoulder fully attached each time.

But the play of the game came in the fifth inning, when Nancy and Marshall nearly collided on a pop-up to short center field. The ball bounced off Nancy and over her head, where Marshall bobbled it and was forced to make a diving catch. The play earned Marshall game MVP honors and help take some of the sting out of his earlier strikeout.

"Just when I think he couldn't possibly be any dumber, he goes and does something like this ... and TOTALLY REDEEMS HIMSELF!" said FBJ.

Bandits get wet with Schweaty Balls, come out on top

2010-09-14T15:22:00.000-07:00

The Wet Bandits staged a three-run rally to overcome an early deficit and defeat the Schweaty Balls, 4-1, in Week 2 of WAKA Minuteman Division action.

Just hours before first pitch, there were questions if the game would even take place, thanks to thunderstorms in the greater Somerville area. But the skies cleared, leaving the field just how the Bandits like it: wet.

The Schweaty Balls got off to a 1-0 lead in the second inning and held Los Banditos scoreless through three innings, but the "Triple N" bottom of the order -- Nancy, Nathan and Nick -- got things going in the fourth with three consecutive hits. Amanda added a fourth at the top of the order, and Yuval, Colin and Captain Monkeybutt followed with three consecutive RKI to take the lead for good. Big added an insurance home run in the fifth, and Sierra Navarra made a great stab at first base in the bottom of the inning to seal the deal.

"It was a close fought game out there," said Big. "It was wet. At times it was sassy. But in the end, we licked 'em. We licked those Schweaty Balls!"

The Bandits could have scored more runs in the fourth inning but fell victim to an extremely rare triple play on a low line drive that caused confusion among the baserunners.

"I gotta say, the Schweaty pitcher scooped that ball up within a millimeter of the ground," said Zach. "It was a pretty awesome catch. But the best part was the old-timey banjo hoedown that played in my head while the runners shuffled hilariously back and forth along the basepath."

The wet grass made fielding an adventure, but the Bandits did a great job keeping the ball in front of them and preventing big plays, even when they couldn't make a catch. Nathan, Zach and Spartacus were among the defenders who made big heads-up plays in the field.

"It was great to be back after a seven-week kickball hiatus, albeit at times rough," said Spartacus. "I think I heard people singing circus music around me at one point. But we Won! And that is all that matters."

Yuval's 2-for-2 day at the plate, with an RKI and run scored, earned him game MVP honors as the Bandits improved to 2-0 on the young season. They next take on New Kicks on the Block on Monday night.

Wet Bandits Come East! Chicago Suburbs Breathe Easy

2010-09-02T09:34:00.000-07:00

It was a muggy evening in Somerville as the Wet Bandits and Playground Legends took the field. Fresh off an undefeated regular season in the Patriot summer division as The Team Your Team Could Smell Like, the Wet Bandits were eager to climb into the panel van and start casing joints.

Their first challenge would be the upstart Playground Legends who are, by far, the loudest and greenest team they’ve played all season.

Despite the Legends’ intimidating place in recess folklore, the Bandits were able to push two quick runs across in the first with RBIs by Asian and the still-injured Brow, acting as DH, scoring Frey and Captain Monkeybutt (who still maintains that Randy Munkay should also count as a run… well, maybe half a run…)

The Bandits then opened the taps in the second, with a six run rally on the strength of RBI doubles by BK and Nancy (her first career two-bagger) and run-scoring singles by Ray, Barry and Tristan.

While the Legends got on the board in the bottom of the second, Big kicked a three run homer in the top of the third to keep them on the ropes. BK then drove in his third RBI on the night in the top of the fourth.

The Legends, however, were not done, as they muscled three runs across in the bottom of the fifth before the Bandits were able to finally shut the door on their first victim of the season.

“It was a fun game,” said Co-Captain Big, who filled in for the absent Captain Colin “Man of” Steele. “They were a great team to play with. Nick’s honesty at second base – though really only serving to confuse things by insisting, himself, that he was out when he should’ve just stood on the bag until a ref told him to leave – was a perfect example of the best kind of kickball sportsmanship.”

Both teams’ defenses benefited from the fresh balls, with accurate throws that made for close calls all over the infield. First baseman BK, returning to Somerville after a three year hiatus was happy with the conditions. “"Somerville has lights, so that's cool. And Samba has beer and flip cup, something I haven't seen in a divisional bar since, well, the last time I played at Samba in Somerville."

Kevin earned the Bandits’ game MVP award (trophy pending) for his efforts in the hot corner, with a couple of seams, an over the shoulder catch in shallow left and holding onto a bullet down the line to end the game. In lieu of a Wet Bandits trophy, Kevin took home (again) the Team Your Team Could Smell Like MVP Clam. “I will be heading to JC Penny over the weekend to take a family portrait with the clam,” he said proudly. “It will hang over my TV for many years to come.” This can only result in more material for AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.

With a final of 12-4, the two teams repaired to Samba’s where a few of the Bandits made some attempt at proving themselves at the flip cup table. While team newcomers Helen and Barry (traded from the Ballstars in the offseason) flipped like veterans, Tristan struggled to find his form and Big was, literally, embarrassed by his visiting younger sister.

Helen, who was voted the “Hottest Kickballer” during the summer Patriot division, played the game without her trademark suspenders.

"Well, to be honest, I felt naked without my pink polka-dot suspenders,” she said. “They may have to make a comeback next week. There might be some unicorn-shaped pigtails too...perhaps. But the lack of suspenders may not be the most disappointing part of tonight, though. Our victory is no victory unless Tristan can flip a cup in less than 10 tries. Another week, I hope."

After the hurry up and stop of the coming bye week, the Bandits look forward to facing off against the Schweaty Balls when play resumes in two weeks. It's been noted that the Schweaty Balls, like The Team Your Team Could Smell Like were undefeated in their respective previous regular seasons. This should be a monster match-up!

Wet Bandits: Week One Co-Captain's Note

2010-09-01T07:45:00.000-07:00

Good Morning Bandits!

I hope you all had a good sleep and a wholesome breakfast. I trust you all brushed your teeth (including the gold one) and looked both ways before crossing the street.

You did? Good, because 9 out of 10 kickballers agree that a good start to the day is the best way to prepare yourself for the evening's game. (The tenth guy got hit by a plumber's van on his way to take the survey so didn't get to answer).

And, my friends, I want everyone prepared: Prepared to RAWK!

Colin's Coach Boone is unavailable tonight so, as co-captain, I'm filling in as Coach Yoast. While Yoast didn't have a lot of inspiring speeches, he did have, essentially, the title lines. And I tell you tonight, like our namesakes' propensity for leaving the tap running as a calling card, we will make sure to leave our own calling card of excellence so that they remember, forever, the night they played the Wet Bandits!

... I know, I'm mixing and bastardizing movie references... Just go with it, he's rolling...

Remember: Meet on the field at 8 to collect your shirts. Also, be sure to bring something to change into afterwards as Brennan may be collecting shirts so that they may be sent to the screeners and we can get our logo put on.

Above all, come ready to get your kick on! We'll catch 'em unawares! They're going to be on vacation (perhaps in Paris) in their minds and we're going to come in and steal the glory!

Every game is the Silver Tuna, people! Let go out and TAKE it!

Big
Wet Bandits

"We will be perfect in every aspect of the game. You drop a pass, [Yuval] runs a mile. You [swing and miss], [Yuval] runs a mile. You fumble the [kick]ball, and I will break my foot off in your John Brown hind parts and then [Yuval] will run a mile. Perfection. Let's go to work"

Wet Bandits Season Schedule

2010-08-31T11:19:00.001-07:00

Click "Agenda" in the upper-right hand corner to see the full schedule listed.

Spices Season Highlight Reel

2010-08-08T22:36:00.000-07:00

Create your own video slideshow at animoto.com.

Full Screen for Full Effect!

Spices Head Home Early: Resting Up For Fall Season

2010-08-06T09:55:00.001-07:00

The Team Your Team Could Smell Like’s playoff run came to a surprisingly early end in the Semifinals on Thursday as the resurgent Balls Deep squad rose to the challenge and sent the top seeds home.

It was a tightly played game with strong efforts by both teams. While there were no improbable heroics by the underdogs like a one handed helmet catch to look back on, there will be those that will long question some of the decisions made on the field.

“Yeah, I think there are some sour grapes rolling around,” said Captain Big after the game. “When it comes down to it, though, I’m proud of my guys. They played their hearts out. Asian’s got a concussion, JP may have cracked some ribs, I strained a hip flexor. We left everything out there. We didn’t lose this game for lack of heart, that’s for sure.”

“Emotions were very high with all teams but things fell the way they fell,” said Phil. “That's the fun and simultaneous sucking of kickball.”

FBJ took home the Game MVP trophy and will hold onto it until Spartacus returns. Lindsey, despite being missed on the day, was awarded the Spices’ Season MVP Award for lifetime contributions to the team (and for being the one to find what many consider to be the best Munt and Flip Squad MVP trophy of all time).

It’s worth noting that an 8-0 regular season record with a +60 Run Differential is no fluke. While this loss stings, the frustration is undoubtedly exacerbated by the novelty of the sensation, this being the team’s first loss all year. Players and fans should remember that they already achieved greatness with their efforts during the regular season and quarterfinals.

Munt and Flip teams have proven themselves to be like fine wines. They improve with time, and it certainly doesn’t look like they’ve reached their peak. They’ll be back next Summer to reclaim their throne and are looking forward to starting the ball rolling this Fall in the Minuteman Division.

All the great ones leave their mark. We are (now) The Wet Bandits!

The Team Your Team Could Smell Like Season Statistics

O'Doyle, I've got a feeling your whole family's going down

2010-08-06T07:08:00.000-07:00

“He moves in circles of friends who just pretend that they like him

He does the same to them and when you put it all together
There's the model of a charmless man” - Blur

“Put this on your blog. Put this on YouTube.”

Ok.

I can’t say I’m proud of myself for barking a few expletives on my way out of the bar last night. As usual, cooler heads prevail but never in my house.

What I can say is that I’m proud of this team. We ran an amazing season, for sure, sailing a 9-0 record to lose in a tight game with some tight calls.

But what’s most heartening is the way we did it. This kickball thing is about so much more than a handful of at-bats. In those matters, The Team Your Team Could Smell Like has proved itself an able and inspiring leader.

I like this blog. I like our YouTube videos. Big’s weekly updates provide great positive reinforcement and solidify this team as a group. He often takes the time to include other teams and players in the fun. They usually appreciate it.

And say what you will about Brennan’s rants (and I have) but I’ll never dismiss earnest pursuit of the craft of writing. The world’s better for this stuff. History is littered with the corpses of humorless fascists terrified by their failure to comprehend any literature more challenging than a Teddy Ruxpin book.

The editing job on the team video? I know newspaper staffs that couldn’t pull that off. Well done, sir.

I’ve also never heard anyone on this team say anything cruel or condescending during line-up. Thankfully, our meaningful recitation of “Good game” is rarely a struggle. We’ve gained a reputation as a fun team to play, always giving a shout-out to our opponents and buying a pitcher for our refs. We’ve adopted players from teams along the way, like a snowballing foster family of kickball misfits.

The day is rare, then, that we arrive on the field and can’t honestly say we’re lining up against friends. I’m thinking back to the last game I left angry, a rather absurd 2008 match against Gettin’ Cider. These days, I look forward to playing that team both because they are really, really good and because they are our compatriots.

We’ve also shown the utmost respect for the safety of other players (I’m turning a blind eye to Tristan’s pre-season ways) and compassion for the injured ones. A few years ago, after great and reasoned discussion, this team went in favor of the extra-base rule. We’ve suffered significant injuries, going years back to BK’s busted shoulder. I didn’t even know the guy then. That’s how long this has been going on.

This year, we took an especially hard hit when Brow dislocated his shoulder. To watch a friend in that much pain, to know the long-term effects on his body and his pocketbook - and I do believe Brow carries a pocketbook – was a terrible feeling.

Because of these experiences, I can’t imagine anyone on this team ever starting a sentence “I know she’s hurt, but…” and I certainly can’t imagine anyone else on this team standing cowardly in the background using the words “I don’t care.”

I’m also proud of the support this team receives from our former players. Yuval and Rob both made showings last night because they care about this team. And we’ve had countless significant others and family members show up and join in the fun. That says so much about the constitution of our people.

Which brings me to a final word about that banner. Cap worked really hard on that out of a love for this team and the people on it. So forgive me if a lot of my bad attitude last night came out of the mocking of it by a member of the opposing team, complete with a cruel, disgusting and small crotch pump. Where I come from, you don’t speak ill of a person’s family or friends, even unknowingly. Responding to those who have has caused me to fight against reason and act like a grunt on a number of occasions.

So it was last night that I acted out when provoked about the banner on the way out the door. Sorry, but the only person I’m giving that thing to is Seamus, so he can take it to Vegas with him (a few turns of fate and I’ll be there too). “So what if all my heroes are the losing kind?” the phenomenal rock band Lucero once asked. “So what?” I say. “Let’s take the damn thing to Vegas anyway.”

Whatever good reasons for my anger, though, doesn't excuse my decision to drop to a combative level. That Blur quote back at the beginning is directed at myself just as much as anybody who upset me. Maintaining composure can be a challenge for me, so much so that my unofficial New Year’s resolution was to act more like a gentleman (the official and much more fun one was to become an expert on Peter Gabriel – success there, so far). I’ve got a ways to go, but with this team I know I’m in the right company to do that.

I'm Mr. Opportunity, and I'm Knockin'

2010-08-03T07:00:00.000-07:00

Separated at birth?

Spices On Fire: Advance to Semifinals

2010-07-30T20:06:00.001-07:00

The Team Your Team Could Smell Like’s 2010 Playoff Campaign started on a friendly note as the captains exchanged gifts before kick-off. By exchange, that means that Mark gave Big a Bafana Bafana South African soccer scarf straight from the recent World Cup. Thinking quickly, Big gave Mark one of his wristbands… Frankly, and almost-insulting trade…

“I didn’t know we were exchanging gifts!” he later cried.

The Pitches’ captains also presented the Spices with an Old Spice poster they’d apparently ripped off the ground near the Broadway T-stop – something Big would’ve appreciated being told before he made a show of hugging it close to his face…

In the Pre-Game Ceremony, Team Martyr Brennan was also honored for his efforts in the final game of the regular season in which he suffered a season-ending shoulder injury.

There was an atmosphere of levity and fun as the teams took the field, both ready to make the most of their kickball hijinks as the season’s finale draws nearer.

“It was great to finally play the ‘Pitches since I missed our regular season game for a graduation,” said Bayewitch. “I was actually supposed to play on that team, but they filled up too fast and Steph helped me get adopted by the Spices. Although they didn’t come to the game expecting to win, they had great energy and sportsmanship and were definitely the most fun team we’ve played."

With eyes for Vegas, however, the Spices knew they had a job to do: Score as many runs as possible in order to qualify for this year’s Founders’ Cup. A slow start, however, saw the Spices’ kickers go down in order in the top of the first.

Things got rolling – literally – in the second, however, as Big led off with a bunt that, after a series of plays deserving a Benny Hill soundtrack, would result in the Captain coming all the way home. The Spices then plated four more with a triple by Phil and RBIs by Kevin, Amy and Chris.

The Red team would then score three in the third (RBIs by Squints and Ray) and break the game fully open with an impressive eight run fourth, with a second homerun by Big (this time with the bases loaded), another triple by Phil (this time with an RBI to boot), an RBI double by Kevin and a sacrifice by Brown.

For his offensive efforts, Captain Big was awarded the Game MVP trophy.

“I don’t know what to say,” he said. “Kicka-the-ball ‘az alwayz been beddy beddy guud to me.”

Defensively, the Spices were sparkling. Tristan was busy in right field with a number of catches as well as covering throws to first.

“I would like to pretend that I'm confident enough in my hand-eye coordination to relax in those situations,” he said after the game. “In reality I just shout in my head ‘CatchitcatchitcatchitcatchitcatchitcaughtitbreathethrowtoBig.’”

As the game progressed, the ever-observant Pitches noticed Captain Big and Umpire Charlie looking parched and insisted on providing refreshments. Both men were driven to a knee with gratitude…

The match finally ended with a bang, as the Pitches kicker lofted a difficult spinning ball into foul territory near the Spices’ bench. First baseman Colin, however, ranged over and made the play, with a little double-touch flair.

"As a first baseman, I'm used to just standing there and catching the ball,” said Colin. “So having to run for that foul ball was a new challenge – one that I wasn't particularly up for, considering it involved physical exertion and, quite frankly, it was pretty hot out. When you throw in the fact that it was a foul ball, and I could have just let it land over by our bench harmlessly, it's a minor miracle that play even happened."

With that confidence-builder, both teams repaired to the bar (though, not before returning the ice-cold refreshment favor to the Pitches’ player who had, previously, been so generous) where they heard the Catty Awards results and played around with Tommy Doyles’ thermostat so that it would cool the room, rather than heat it.

The Spices are now looking forward to carrying this momentum into the Quarterfinals and, Spaghetti Monster-willing, their third Championship match in as many years, next Thursday. They welcome any and all of their friends and fans to come out and support them in their historic run to Vegas!

Old Spice Commercial Remixes

2010-07-27T14:35:00.000-07:00

BartBaKer

Relm Vision

Regular Season Statistics for The Team Your Team Could Smell Like

2010-07-27T08:34:00.001-07:00

Team Average: .629
- Compare this to the King Hippos’ Team Average: .599

Average Team At-Bats Per Game: 30.6
- Compare this to the King Hippos’ AB Average: 24.6

Average Runs Scored: 8.9
- Compare this to the King Hippos’ Runs Scored: 3.5

Average Runs Allowed: 1.5

Average Attendance: 19 Players per game

Perfect Attendance Stars:

Brennan
JP
Lindsey
Seamus
Asian
Big

Best Attendance From A Newb

Colleen

Best Average

1.000 – Seamus *Played all 8 games
1.000 – Chris
.818 – JP

Most Hits

13 – Asian
11 – Big
10 – Colin
10 – Seamus

Most Runs

9 – Asian
6 – Angela
6 – Big
6 – Phil

Most RBIs

16 – Big
7 – BK
6 – Colin

Total Bases

21 – Big
15 – Asian
12 – Colin
12 – Phil

Spices Broom Clean Blue Steel

2010-07-26T12:24:00.000-07:00

A diminished Team Your Team Could Smell Like took the field, Thursday, against the resurgent Blue Steel, looking to put a cap on their perfect season. The Steel, on the other hand, were looking for revenge after the Spices took the series opener in a tense and shortened match back on June 24th.

Though their defense held strong, the Spices’ offense was uncharacteristically quiet on the night. As a result, all of the scoring came in the first inning. First, the Spices plated five runs in the top of the inning, then the Blues pushed two across in the bottom half of the frame.

Spices infielder Bayewitch kicked in two runners, earning her a season high single game RBI-tally. JP went two for two on the day, though he suffered an out of character lapse of judgment on the base paths in the later innings when he was doubled up off a pop fly.

“DOH,” said JP. “My perfect regular season record is ruined!”

JP more than redeemed himself, however, with numerous strong plays in the field, including a key catch in left center after a long run that prevented a Blue Steel rally.

The story of the night, however, went to Brennan, who made his first career start at third base. The Spices were missing all three of their potential third basemen on the day, leading to the late change to the lineup.

Brow performed admirably through the course of the game, coming close on numerous throws to first and not allowing any cheap runs or shots down the third base line.

In the fifth inning, however, fate caught up with him. Charging a roller down the baseline, Brennan scooped up the ball and made a strong heave to first where the runner narrowly beat the ball to the bag.

In the act of throwing, however, Brennan managed to dislodge his arm from its housing. The arm remained dislocated despite the efforts of the on-field medics and required professional attention. Brennan was bussed off the field to a thunderous applause.

“Well, I threw to first, and the entire right side of my body felt like it got punched,” said Brennan (seen below during happier times). “My whole arm went numb so I had it in me to feel my ‘shoulder.’ Judging by the bone jutting out of my back, I was guessing it was dislocated.

“Thanks to all the Spices and the Spices’ cheering section (‘Herbs?’) who helped out last night. No sports for four weeks, though, good luck in the playoffs.”

The Spices would hold on in the bottom half of the inning to complete the victory and their perfect 8-0 regular season record, though the celebration was somewhat dampened by the injury. Brennan was posthumously awarded the game MVP trophy.

“I don’t want people to think it was a pity award,” said Captain Big. “We asked a lot of Brennan tonight. We asked him to play a position he’s never played before, to make throws he hasn’t had to throw and to bear pressure he hasn’t been asked to bear before.

“I think he held up admirably... well, until his body literally started to fall apart... then, of course, there was a degree of whimpering and sobbing. But I think he can be forgiven a little bit of whining when his arm isn’t in the place where it should be.”

With the loss of The Brow for the rest of the season, the Spices will need to make some changes to the lineup, but they remain confident that they can carry their regular season momentum through the playoffs and earn an unprecedented third-straight championship.

This author would also like to issue an apology to the Balls Deep player who was mentioned in last week’s recap. No offense was intended and we hope that she can forgive us for the ribbing she received from her teammates when they learned that her exploits had been highlighted in another team’s pages. When the writer ran into the player on the field, he readily offered an apology and asked to confirm her name, in the event a misnomer might also have contributed to the player’s aggravation. The player then proceeded to lie about her identity. This is understandable, the player wishes to remain anonymous. In the interest of meeting the players’ wishes, in any future mention in these pages, the player shall be known as “Fizzie”. We would like to wish Fizzie and her Xena-trill luck in all her future ventures.

Old Spice Man Ads!

2010-07-22T06:36:00.000-07:00

They're all here!

Spices Go Deep Against Balls… Deep

2010-07-19T13:06:00.000-07:00

The Spices were well-rested as they made their way to the field on Thursday. After a successful Mid-Season party and some therapeutic Old Spice Man ad watching, The Team Your Team Could Smell Like was refreshed and ready to get their kick on.

The upstart Balls Deep fielded a slightly diminished squad but gamely took the field, ready to give the current Division leaders a run for their money.

Spices fans, of course, were expecting some fireworks and the Red team eagerly obliged them, pushing six runs across the plate in the first. Included in the impressive rally was a two-run sac fly by Big, scoring both Angela and Asian, who churned her way around from second before the ball could make its way back into the mound.

The first inning was just the tip of the iceberg as the Spices’ offense managed to score a season high 15 points on the game, including two RBIs-each from Zach and BK.

"We played kickball last week?” asked BK when asked for comment. “Who? Balls Deep? Those clowns? I don't even remember them. But my two glorious, perfectly executed hits and RBIs? Yeah, I don't remember them either."

"I'm not saying it was the Reuben pizza and $4 pitchers of PBR that a group of Spices consumed pre-game that accounted for my better-than-usual kicking on Thursday,” said Zach about his efficient kicking. “Seriously, I'm not saying that. That's ludicrous. There's no possible connection between what I had for dinner and how one particular kick turned out."

With five doubles in the game, the Spices have clearly found their rhythm this season. It was an instance of Small Ball, however, that threw Asian off during the game against Balls Deep.

“Big bunted!” she said. “He never bunts! I wasn’t ready for that! I barely made it to second!”

Defensively, the Spices, again, proved their strengths, with a trademark swim-move catch by Asian and more quick footwork by Brow.

The play of the day – perhaps of the season – went to Kevin at third (seen here, reenacting the play with his MVP trophy).

The Balls Deep kicker laced a rope down the third base line, destined to go foul. However, Kevin made a fantastic (some might say reckless) dive to his right, going completely horizontal to snatch the ball out of the air and make the out.

"When the ball was kicked my way, I thought, 'Nope, not gonna try,’” said Kevin. “Then my instincts took over and I heard myself internally yell, '110%!!!!'."

"Kevin's swan dive catch was the greatest thing I've ever seen,” said Co-Captain Colin. “Except for the gourmet cake that I baked in the kitchen I built for you with my own hands."

The award for “Funniest Sound Effects” went to Liz of Balls Deep whose Xena-like trills whenever the ball was pitched to her had everyone either laughing or scratching their heads.

Liz also won the award for “Most-Times-To-Touch-The-Ball-In-One-Pitch” when she logged no less than four touches to the ball (including, possibly, one to the back of the head, though we’re still not sure how that’s physically possible) when she swung at one of Phil’s patented “Swizzlers”.

All in all, it was a solid outing for the Spices and, at the risk of sounding patronizing, an admirable effort by the short-handed Balls Deep who managed, in their three runs, to plate the most kickers allowed by The Team Your Team Could Smell Like all season.

The Spices now look forward to their final game of the season and a matchup against perennial rivals Blue Steel.

The Boston Invitational

2010-07-19T09:18:00.000-07:00

Vegas is the Valhalla of our sport. You go there if you're a little more than serious about this game. But with the recent hack-and-slash they've done to the invitations that go out, its only fair that regionally, we start picking the cream of the crop. In preparing for the Fall Leagues, I looked and noticed that in Massachusetts there are 15 leagues. At worst they have 8 teams a piece but most are going to at least 12 or 16.

Lets say for the sake of the math they all have only 8. 8 x 15 = 120.

Those are just the teams. There are 26 slots on each roster. That's 3,120 kickball players in this region alone. (for those miserable grouches out there, that [at $65 a pop] $202,800.00 they make in one season in just Eastern Massachusetts).

Logically, there's no way to account for, or balance around, any aberrations in league strength, talent balance amongst the teams. There's also no way to enforce that the three people showing up to ref even know the rules, let alone if they called the game fairly. Life isn't fair, we can't make this perfect but we can refine it.

A Boston Invitation would take, from each league, the playoff winner there and place them in a bracket. No run differentials, no rankings. If you're in, it should be assumed that you could be the best or the worst depending on who showed up to play.

Why Create an Invitational?

There was a point in time where the Final Four in college basketball was just that - final. They all claimed to be Champions, if only in their region, and who of them were actually capable of beating the other 3 was all speculation. I shouldn't need to tell you that this has long ago gone the way of the buffalo. The questions and speculations in this league are only made worse by the pre-season scramble to figure out where C.L.I.T. and Electric Mayhem are playing this seasons so you can figure out where the competitive teams are.

If you don't land in those leagues, Champions are never Champions. Your kickers could never kick as well against Marcello's pitching, and they certainly couldn't get past the defensive wall on C.L.I.T. But says who? The factors are too innumerate to mention but everything is based on the size of the field, the size of the batters box with the Umpire that day and it goes on and on and on.

I can't speak for them, but I'd guess our WAKA overloards are looking to make this business (many of them having full-time jobs devoted to it) about as lucrative as possible. Why not then move to make this sport as "sporty" and as streamlined as possible? You'd have a breeding ground for decent umpires on your way to Vegas, and it would garner some strong attention for this regions players. I think if the future is going to be defined by the rising of Kickball from cultural quirk to legitimate sport, it needs to be done with a cleaner, smarter elimination process and where better to start than in the Cradle of Liberty?

Spices Squeeze the Juice Out of Cider

2010-07-09T13:08:00.000-07:00

The Common was a dustbowl as The Team Your Team Could Smell Like and Gettin' Cider took the field on Thursday. Neither team complained, though, as they welcomed dry weather after the monsoon that dominated the first half of the season.

The Spices have been carrying momentum since the first week and it showed itself again last night as the Reds pushed six runs across the plate in the first inning with RBIs by Big, Phil, Kevin and Seamus before the Cider were able to stop the bleeding. BK and Colin then drove in Seamus and Squints in the top of the fifth.

More impressive than their offense, the Spices continued their season-long defensive clinic. Phil and Kevin were stellar in the infield while Bayewitch and Asian made plays at second to keep the tie-dyed runners honest. Catcher Brennan had a breakout game behind the plate, recording no less than 3.5 outs through heads up play and accurate throwing.

“It was one of those games where you just go out there and you bust your ass,” said Brennan. Grabbing the microphone he continued: “Some times you end up with these 6-0 leads and you think, ‘Is this a syphilitic fever dream or am I doing acid?’ Then you realize that you’re fine and they’re just wearing tie-dye and you happened to not drink enough liquid at lunch.”

“You win some, you lose some and sometimes you’re caught sleeping in the outfield or playing with a dog off-field,” Brennan continued, with a surprisingly strong grip on the recorder. “But at the end of the day you have to brush your shoulders off and swan dive back onto your horse… or your motorcycle… or into the greatest game of your life… You know, whatever.

“I think, when it comes down to it, we’ve played a great season so far and a lot of our fans have really come in support of our attempts. It is a little disappointing LeBron rejected us for Miami. But what can you say to him? Cambridge just doesn’t bring the Yayo… But what were we talking about? Oh yeah, the game.

“Great first inning. Great second inning. Not a bad third. Really nice fifth. I refuse to talk about the fourth inning, but I’m still happy with our performance.”

When asked for a comment on his 2 RBI, 1 Assist and 2 IP MVP performance, Phil took a deep breath: “What? What did I do? It was all Randy Munkay!”

In a game that included a couple of laser-beam, cross-the-diamond putouts, another foul out for Big’s tally, shut down catching and great team play in shallow center the story of the game, perhaps undeservedly and eclipsed only by some buffoon in Cleveland, had to be Seamus’ gaff in left field.

In a moonshot pop-up, it appeared that the Party King had a line on it, only to lose the ball’s flight at the last moment. The ball bounced off his hands and behind him, resulting in the first homerun Big has conceded all season.

The press caught up to Seamus after the game. “I think the catch may have gone better had Drinks Captain Ray been at the game to insist that my drink accompany me to the outfield, thus providing me with a half a second delay while putting down my beverage before coming in for the catch, meaning I would have been in perfect position and would have made the catch.”

Captain Big chimed in, “I’ve had a chance to talk to Seamus and, you know, he’s absolutely right. Ray missed today’s game and then didn’t come out to the bar afterwards. He’s totally at fault here. The team will probably fine him and that’ll be end of it. We’ll move on and put this unfortunate incident – which was all Ray’s fault – behind us.”

In off the field news, most of the Spices players will be attending the MA Patriot 2010 Mid Season party this Saturday and will be available for autographs and photos. Don’t miss this chance at getting your hands on a great piece of kickball and historical memorabilia!

Bootleggers take on Spices, End up Rum-less

2010-07-07T07:37:00.000-07:00

Tensions were high as the Spices squared off against the Bootleggers for the fourth straight season, as a few transplants had some more than sporting words for the competition.

The game was a 4-based bloodbath of trench warfare as the Spices, managing to squeak a run across early in the first, were forced to simply maintain the lead for three innings while the Leggers made their way around the diamond.

But something had to give, and the Spices managed to break free from the Bootleggers stranglehold with a 4th inning swan-dive into a six run lead.

The glory of a 6-0 shutout was dashed, however, when the Booties dug deep in the bottom of the 5th to snatch a run from the jaws of scoreless ignomy.

This week's MVP, Angela Frey, had this to say: "I was rounding third and I needed to do something epic. I closed my eyes and prayed as I slid across home. My ass is still store but it's all about trying new things. Thats what she said!"

An Open Letter of Revolt to the City of Cambridge

2010-06-30T08:53:00.001-07:00

Dear Cambridge,

Its come to our attention that you've upped your parking meters from a 6 pm end time to an 8 pm end time. While I can understand the need to provide more parking this confiscatory legal piracy is not the way to go about it. What you've done amounts to third world tithes, and your secular humanist sect doesn't fit with my general beliefs. Beliefs such as the dollar I put in this parking meter should come with a hot dog and a free soda.

More importantly, you should factor in how much we give your miserable communist berg, and what we receive in return. For one thing, we contribute greatly to Harvards stature. Who are they going to scoff at condeceningly if not for drunks in rugby socks. Think about it.We also provide tremendous amount of economic stimulation well after we pay a dollar for a cramped parking space on your back alley cow paths. Does anyone really like waht you're offering in Harvard Square? We ought to get paid just to prop that dump up. If I wanted to go to a mall full of hippie jackasses I'd move to Denver. The one good burger joint you had mysteriously "burned down" and I'm sure it will conveniently be replaced by a lens Crafters. Also, its fairly evident that Tommy Doyles hasn't been up to code with its plumbing in quite sometime. In fact I'm fairly certain after 9 pm on thursday its bathrooms count as wet lands and should be protected by the Wildlife Federation. You're certainly not allowed to run a business on this Cantabridgian Everglade.

We are constnatly getting ticketed, our homeless fans are routinely harassed by police officers driving onto the commons, and you've done nothing to curb the mosquito population next to, above all things, a playground. if I were a lesser man I'd suggest that your carefree attitude toward EEE is infantaside by apathy.

But we are nothing if not cordial. We are willing to compramise but we do have some demands written into our attonrney-lookedover rider. First of all, we're sick of using that poor excuse for a bathrom you call the Sheraton Commander. We'll need plumbing (good plumbing) on the field in some capacity. We'd also like a scoreboard, especially for the games Cider is reffing. How am I to know what the count is with calls like "too bouncy." And finally, we're sick of this half-hearted space saver you call a parking-policy. The sky is the limit so start making taller parking garages. And we'd like to reserve them on Thursday nights thank you.

I hope that this letter will be found both reasonable and realistic. Our requests are above all else fair and we expect a prompt response in regard to them. If we have not heard from you in 1 weeks time, we are prepared to move forward on our suit proving you had Mr. Bartley's Burger Cottage whacked for your own commerical gain. Suck on it.

In prodigious goodwill,
The Team Your Team Could Smell Like.

SPICES: Week 5

2010-06-28T09:23:00.000-07:00

Greetings Kickballers!

It's Monday and, for perhaps the first time since week one this season, my phone's weather forecaster shows something other than a monsoon for Thursday. As I say that, I'm furiously knocking wood so as not to jinx it, but we'll see!

The deets:
Time: 6:30
Field: Field 2 (grass)
Who: Bootleggers (gray)

Please let me know if you CAN or CANNOT make it out on Thursday! This helps me put together the positions and kicking lineup!

The Bootleggers are a veteran squad, so we need to be on our A game this week. Their captain, normally a really nice guy, was involved in a bit of an incident on the basepaths last week, though, so they may be a bit shaken up going into this week. Let's take advantage and get our kick on!

So, why should you want to beat the Bootleggers? Well, they're gray, first of all. And what have we seen in the skies for half the season so far? Gray! So let's take our frustrations with Mother Nature out on these guys! We all hate New England weather, so I think we can tap into some deep and longstanding ill will!

Why else should we want to beat them? I'll tell you why! THEY drank ALL the PBR last week! Yup! THEY'RE the reason we were all forced to fall back on Schlitz which, aside from being far inferior to the Blue Ribbon, led to some really odd behavior on the part of some of your teammates...

So, for all that is right and good in the world, for all the sunny weather that's been bullied aside by gray-meanie clouds, and for all those forced to drink sub-par beer because of pillaged stocks, let's take these bums down!

In other, sock-related news, the Tampa Bay Rays recently introduced a new sock to their uniform in hopes of jump-starting their beleaguered offense. It looks like the sock trend continues to spread. Now, it hasn't worked for the slumping Rays which you'd think isn't a great sock motivator. But you'd be wrong. You see, we want the Rays to struggle, so the sock magic is still working in our favor! Wear your reds with pride on Thursday!

Captain Big
The Team Your Team Could Smell Like

"They're cheating! Their bags have magnets! Those bags are using magnets!" - Steve Li

Spices take the first of the season series against Blue Steel

2010-06-25T12:32:00.000-07:00

The weather gods, again, showed their displeasure with kickball this week, throwing microbursts at Cambridge Commons in an otherwise lovely week. Refusing to let a little moisture get in the way of their kickball, however, the players waited for the sunshine – as well as the equipment – and got underway late.

Many of the Spices sported call back socks to seasons past. Raining Sideways, King Hippos, Green Team, Grilled Cheese, Last Ones Picked and Strangers in The Alps were all honored on the day.

The Spices’ offense got off the ground early as Tristan advanced to third on Asian’s single where he arrived safely, but only after taking out the third baseman who was half his size. In his defense, the fielder spent most of her day standing in the basepath. Tristan, however, was apologetic. “Just call me the Kobe Bryant of kickball... I mean in the 'abuses women' way, not in the '5 time world champion' way..."

The Reds then took an early lead with RBIs by Big and a great sacrifice kick by JP, scoring Tristan and Asian, respectively.

The defense held strong in the bottom of the first, but two Blue Steel runs snuck home in the second. Blue Steel’s CF Long (sp?) got home the hard way rounding the bases after narrowly missing being tagged out by Phil and then an even closer call on the third base line when Big watched his tag miss the runner by a hair.

The teams then traded body blows in the third, each scoring a single run. The Spices’ came on a huge sacrifice kick by Seamus that scored Spartacus from third.

You could cut the tension with a knife going into the fourth inning as Bayewitch stepped to the plate. The Blue Steel pitcher, who had some trouble finding the strike zone in the third (even walking a patient Zach), got a bit cute, rolling in a few meatball pitches that still went wide. Thinking quickly, Bayewitch took advantage of the pitcher and catcher’s apparent apathy, acted disinterested until the ball finally broached the kicking box and placed an inch-perfect bunt down the third base line, catching the fielders by surprise.

"I think the pitcher thought he could psych me out by pitching another slow ball, but I fooled him,” said Bayewitch (Coriander). “The ball just stopped, I acted confused and then was like, ‘OK catcher, see ya when I round the bases!’”

Suiting actions to words, Bayewitch would then take an extra base on the subsequent at bat while the fielders weren’t paying attention to her. This heads up and enterprising play by the plucky second baseman earned her the Game MVP award. As the Blues reacted to Bayewitch’s gall, Asian was then able to take second base for her first double of the season.

As it turned out, Bayewitch’s adventures at the plate and on the basepaths were the spark that the Spices needed to start an impressive six run rally.

While at second base, Asian talked to the Steels’ speedy centerfielder. Big was able to take advantage of this distraction and boot a double to left center while Long wasn’t looking, scoring Bayewitch from third.

JP then launched another sacrifice fly that scored Asian from third for a second time. JP (After Hours), who has the team’s only triple on the season, said “Against my selfish burning desire to kick the ball and chance any double plays, I opted for the team and made sacrifice hits to bring runners home from third.”

The Spices then flashed their kicking quality. Brown singled in a run, Phil got aboard, Colin made up for an earlier baserunning gaff and drove in his fourth RBI of the season, and Kevin finished off the rally with an RBI of his own.

Team fireplug Catie also drove in a run on what could have been a double. She was forced to live with a single, however, when the game officials sent her back to first saying that the ball had been mounded and the play made dead.

“Honestly... he was over by third which was why I went... he would have had every right to try to get me out!” said Catie.

“She’s right,” said Captain Big. “If this was the playoffs, I would’ve said something. As it was, it was kind’ve funny to see her slink back to first base.”

Carrying the momentum into the bottom half of the inning, the Spices took the field against a now desperate Blue Steel offense. BK survived a play at second as the ever-dangerous Long plowed through the bag, overrunning the base. BK, kept his head and tagged the runner out.

On what was to be the final play of the game, First Baseman Ray – in his first game back since his wedding, honeymoon and mattress-shopping obligations – held onto a difficult winding liner down the first base line. Hitting the ground to make the catch, Ray then made double sure of the out by dragging himself along the wet grass to tag the base with the ball ahead of the runner.

“That hilarious play showed how much heart this guy has,” said a tearful Captain Big. “He made that catch, which was impressive enough, but then wormed his way back to the bag so there would be no doubt. I only wish I’d remembered to bring him his jersey today and he wasn’t playing in that stylish button down shirt…”

Due to the late start (partially due to weather and more due to the late arrival of equipment), the TTYTCSL/Steel match was called after only four innings, to the chagrin of both squads, especially hearing that the subsequent match played all five innings.

Ever the sportsmen, the Spices bought the Steel players a pitcher/three PBRs at the Bar.

While it was still a win and leaves the Spices undefeated on the season, it was a moderately hollow victory because of the game’s shortened nature. The Spices look forward to facing the Steel again later in the season.

Captain Big would also like to thank the Pitches’ Mark for his birthday PBR. “I found your thoughtfulness tasty and refreshing!” said Big.

SPICES: Week 4

2010-06-21T12:35:00.000-07:00

Greetings Kickballers!

Summer is here! Days of sun, fair weather, gin and tonics in hammocks and... KICKBALL!

The deets:
Time: 6:30
Field: Field 2 (grass)
Who: Blue Steel (blue)

Please let me know if you CAN or CANNOT make it out on Thursday! This helps me put together the positions and kicking lineup!

Blue Steel is the squad we're playing twice this season and, for the newcomers, we have a history with this team. We've defeated them in the Championship Match twice. They are one of the stronger sides so we should go into Thursday expecting stiffer resistance than what we've seen thus far.

HOWEVER, they have their weaknesses and we can certainly exploit them. If you need a fire lit in your belly against this squad, then know this: They wear the same color as Thierry Henry (of French handball fame). They also make a habit of parking really close to or over the line in street parking which makes it really hard to park in the spot next to theirs. ALSO, they DON'T turn their headlights on when it's RAINING!

So let's get out there and SHOW THEM WHAT FOR!

Captain Big
The Team Your Team Could Smell Like

"I know the rules of soccer. I know the rules of soccer so well that, when two Slovenian players mug an American player, the American player gets a foul." - Andy Roddick

No Velvet Rope Can Help VIP Stop the Steamrolling Spices

2010-06-18T13:45:00.000-07:00

Thursday saw The Team Your Team Could Smell Like take the field against a small VIP Let’s Kick It Squad. Going into the match undefeated had the Spices confident, but a slow offensive start deadened the team’s spirit.

Though the Spices’ feet were quiet in the first two innings, the defense held strong, giving the VIPs few chances to capitalize on.

Shortstop Catie (Nutmeg) reeled in a catch that surprised some since they didn’t even know she had a line on it.

“I promise I’ll call it next time!” cried FBJ. “Sometimes I just get in the zone and think, ‘Yeah, I can get this one…’ I didn’t want to lose that focus.”

“While I would like to hear a bit more chatter on the field than we heard last night,” said Captain Big. “There’s no denying the fact that Catie’s focus led to a solid defensive performance.”

Second baseman Squints made a pair of good plays on the right side, including a catch of her own.

“I saw the ball coming at me and all I was thinking was, ‘Geez! Don’t let it hit me in the face and knock me out!’” she said afterwards.

“It’s comments like that which really build up the captain’s confidence in his defense,” said Big. “Much like Angela’s ‘Oh crap!’ when the ball is kicked at her.”

The only defensive hiccup on the night came on a dipping drive into right field where Spartacus (Ginger) seemingly had it lined up for a catch, only to have it slip through her hands and bounce back in towards the infield. When asked what went wrong, Lindsey was quick to answer:

“I almost missed the almost catch because of Tristan's distracting dance moves,” she said. “I am glad I was able to refocus and make the almost-catch possible.”

“What a harlot!” replied Tristan. “She was totally doing an ‘I-have-to-pee’ dance and I called her on it!”

“What the hell is going on in right field?” asked Big, scratching his head.

Benny Hill antics aside, after two quiet innings, the Spices’ offense suddenly came alive in the third inning, starting with rookie and game MVP Melanie’s (Musk Mallow) RBI double.

“Being a newb, I'm glad I could get things started last night,” said Melanie. “Bunting and running like hell clearly go a long way.”

The Spices would go on to score 6 more runs in succession, with JP (AfterHours), Seamus (Cudweed), Chris (All Spice), Tristan (Scary Spice) and Spartacus all knocking in runs.

No mistake defense and enterprising kicking and running led to an 8-0 result that the Spices could be proud of.

“It was a solid result,” said Big, who added another victim to his season foul-out tally (4) on the mound. “I loved the aggression on the base paths we saw from everybody. The rally in the third was as exciting as anything we’ve seen on the field this season… Well, maybe not as exciting as Ray’s fall-on-his-ass catch.”

The rest of the week leading up to next Thursday, no doubt, will be filled with speculation about the Spices’ next match against Blue Steel. This will be a replay of last season’s Championship Final match, in which the then King Hippos took home the trophy.

When asked about the upcoming clash, Asian laughed, “They’re going down!”

Captain's note: Week 3

2010-06-14T08:42:00.000-07:00

Greetings Kickballers!

I hope your weekend was great and that your Monday has, thus far, been toothless. I hope that, though the World Cup leaves kickball as the second most-awesome thing happening this week, you're as eager to get out on the field as I am. The good news is that (at the risk of jinxing it), looking at my 7 day forecast, Thursday - for the first time in two weeks - is NOT scheduled to be a downpour! Woo hoo! (knockonwood)

The deets:
Time: 7:15
Field: Field 1 (dirt)
Who: VIP Let's Kick It (yellow)
What else: We have equipment duty

Please let me know if you CAN or CANNOT make it out on Thursday! This helps me put together the positions and kicking lineup!

From what I've heard, VIP is another expansion team. Blue Steel described them as "Not being 'new' but playing 'new'." Despite this review, we must be sure to treat them as their color suggests: With caution.

That said, I expect everyone to come out swinging on Thursday.

Why? That's easy: They're yellow-meanies. It was VIP that invited the rain two weeks ago. It was VIP that decided it would be a good idea for KFC to buck the healthy foods trend and introduce one of the most disgustingly excessive (though probably delicious) "sandwiches" in years. VIP scared my cat under the bed. I'm watching Cameroon play Japan right now. Cameroon is wearing yellow as well and, you know what? They're getting kinda chippy. More importantly, in my Pick 'Em league, I predicted a tie in this game, but Cameroon let in a soft goal, which could cost me the lead in my league. Frikkin' yellow!

In other news: In the unlikely chance you've missed Phil's posting of the Ray Tong Miracle Catch highlight, it can be found here. Such a great catch!

Next: I keep forgetting to put this in an email...

Regarding your shirts. If and when you wash them, be sure to turn them inside out and use cold water. If you use a dryer, use the "Delicate" mode.

If you see the logo lifting or wrinkling, you can re-press it. Lay a piece of parchment over the logo and, without any steam/water in the iron, place the iron on top of the logo/parchment for 20 seconds (don't rub it back and forth, just put it straight down on top).

On that rather domestic note, let's get pumped for Thursday! It's almost here!

Captain Big
The Team Your Team Could Smell Like

"I dunno, I just blanked out and, the next thing I knew, I was on the ground with the ball. I was like, 'What the [expletive deleted]?!'" - Ray Tong

Early Contender for Play of the Year

2010-06-13T09:33:00.000-07:00

The cameras were rolling when CF Ray Tong made his heroic catch in the Spices' first game of the season.

You can clearly see the slip and then the fantastic effort Ray made to stay in the play and make the catch.

"What makes it even more special for me," said a teary-eyed Captain Big. "Is that you can see him pop right back up and, true to his 'training', he gets the ball back in as quickly as he can, making it possible to complete the double play. A great play, start to finish and his MVP award was well-deserved."

Spices welcome expansion team Ballstars 4.0 with drubbing

2010-06-11T15:41:00.000-07:00

A light rain fell as the Pinks and the Reds took the dirt field on Cambridge Common on Thursday evening. The mud, wet ball and slippery grass would challenge both teams, but Captain Big was enthusiastic.

“I love playing in the wet,” he said. “That slippy ball is tough to handle, which favors the big kickers. And their third baseman is wearing a white t-shirt.”

Captain Big won Rochambeau on a rock, providing further evidence that the Brow’s “scissors-only” strategy will only win 33% of the time. Big then drew some raised eyebrows when he intentionally chose to kick first. However, he refused to answer questions regarding his strategy.

“I’m not going to answer any strategy questions,” he said.

The upstart Ballstars struck first in the bottom of the first. However, The Team Your Team Could Smell Like quickly hit back with five runs of their own in the top of the second. Game MVP BK and Colin each drove in two runs while Zach added an RBI of his own.

"I had one thing on my mind when I came to the field: Clam," said BK. "I didn't care how many balks flew in my face, I wanted to rake the clam home with me. But for a while I thought we might get rained out. I didn't care. I was ready to play in the mud. But in the end, the clam was mine."

Colin was exuberant: “Neither rain nor Ballstars will stop The Team Your Team Could Smell Like.”

The two kicks of the night that deserved more came off the feet of two of the team’s best bunters. Asian and Angela both got the rare opportunity to swing away and both made good contact. Asian’s kick, with good pop, made a seam directly at the pitcher’s chest. Angela’s kick had an eye for the turf behind the first baseman, but he was able to make a heroic catch to frustrate her chances at a single.

Defensively, the Spices were solid. The defensive Play Of The Night went to one of the newest members of the team. Amy, a last-minute signing, fought the rain to reel in a shallow fly to left center. As she formed up for the catch, however, the ball bounced in her arms and back into the air. Showing her grit, though, Amy recovered and, with a great second effort, made her second catch in one kick.

The Iron-Man Defender of the game was Asian. After having two swim-moves spoiled by encroaching fielders, Asian eventually got her chance in the fifth inning.

“As I completed my swim,” said Asian. “All I could think about was how Angela snagged the bouquet at Ray and Meghan’s wedding this weekend.”

Oooookay?

Later that night, Frey would propose to Asian, offering her a brimming cup of light beer.

“It was the happiest moment of my Thursday!”

The “Great-effort-too-bad-it-means-NOTHING” play of the game went to Phil and Nancy. Phil snagged a grounder down the third base line and winged it to second to force out the leading runner. Nancy, covering the base made a great catch to complete the play. However, the kick was ruled a foul, thus spoiling the two players’ bid for glory.

“I was bummed!” Nancy said. “After all that and it was meaningless!”

Despite it being only the second game of the season, the Spices showed the comfort and ease of veterans

One of the Ballstars’ players was heard at the bar, “We’re pretty sure you guys are, like, a professional kickball team.”

Now, with a record of 2-0, the Spices are looking forward to next week’s matchup against another expansion club: VIP Let’s Kick It.

The Team Your Team Could Smell Like 2010 Schedule

2010-06-07T07:14:00.000-07:00

Rain can't keep Spices from getting their kick on... unofficially

2010-06-03T20:44:00.000-07:00

The skies were forbidding as the Spices arrived in Cambridge on Thursday night. A sprinkle started as they trickled into Tommy Doyle’s for pre-game refreshments. Reports of thunder, lightening and a light monsoon confirmed their fears and the night’s games were unceremoniously postponed.

Team mascot Atticus Ayari was denied his triumphant debut and went home wet, along with his people.

The remaining members of The Team Your Team Could Smell Like refused to allow their spirits to be dampened. Indeed, Bayewitch (Coriander) and Paul (Jamaican Jerk) made their first appearances in Cambridge and were enthusiastically welcomed.

Captain Big (Oregano) was also thrilled to learn of two eager replacements for the tragically fallen players who were never even able to make it to the field. Newbies Amy (Peppermint) and Hannah (Crushed Red Pepper) have chosen their spices and, by all accounts, will be a great addition to the squad.

It was decided that Tristan (Scary Spice) would be made honorary MVP for his exploits off the field, being newly-engaged. "The most important thing in kickball is dependability," said Tristan. "That's why I showed up late, played for half of the first inning, kicked the ball directly to the opposing team, and left for a bar with my other friends."

As their pitchers grew light and reports of clear skies came in, the Spices resolved that some wet grass wasn’t going to keep them from getting their kick on. Their rally cry fell largely on deaf ears with the rest of the squads, but Stephanie, Travis, Diane and Mark from Where My Pitches At and Barret from Ballstars 4.0 joined the Spices on the slightly soggy Cambridge Common. Honorary Spices Seth and Rob (Curry) also came out.

The group split into two and the light-hearted scrimmage got under way.

JP (After Hours) kicked a convincing 5 base homerun (he was tagged out on his second lap between first and second). Big would’ve had a pair of home runs had the opposing team not resorted to gorilla tactics by tackling and then sitting on him until the ball was retrieved and bounced off his dome. Kevin (Swagger) also had a chance at a round-tripper, had his head not gotten in the way of the relay throw as he slid into home.

The wet conditions led to some adventures in the outfield, but Phil, Paul, Kevin, Amy and Asian all made memorable catches and plays in the waning light.

“It was nice to see so many Spices on the field tonight despite the rain,” said Asian (Paprika). “This Rack knows how to party!”

The Team Your Team Could Smell Like looks forward to returning to the regularly-scheduled season next week when they will resume their campaign for the Founders’ Cup and kickball glory!

SPICES: Week 2

2010-06-01T08:20:00.000-07:00

Greetings Spices!

I hope your holiday weekend was excellent! I also hope you didn't partake in any dangerous activities specifically forbidden by your player contract. These include: Riding sports bikes backwards, skydiving in the state of West Virginia and body surfing anywhere!

The deets:
Time: 6:30
Field: Field 1 (dirt)
Who: Ballstars 4.0 (Pink)

Please let me know if you can or cannot make it out on Thursday! This helps me put together the positions and kicking lineup!

We already know that Ray's not going to be there because he's getting married or something, so everybody wish him well!

In case you missed it, the write-up for last week can be found over at the Munt and Flip (now with corrected stats).

Sitting behind me, in the home office, are piles of shirts. Shirts with your names on them. I can tell you, without hubris, that they are the coolest shirts we've ever had for the 2010 MA Patriot Season.

Sitting on the shelf above my head, I can state, with utter confidence, is the awesomest MVP trophy we've ever had the pleasure of awarding!

I literally can't wait to hand these things out this week!

I also literally can't wait to take it to the Ballstars this week. Y'know, Pete, Zach and I reffed their game against Blue Steel last week. They held the Blue Steel to one run through 3 innings before melting down a bit in the latter half of the game and ended up losing 5-1.

But that's not what's important. You see, from behind the plate, I could hear them talking. You know what I heard them say? I'll tell you!

They said that their big brother/sister/dad could beat up your big brother/sister/dad! Yup!

They also said that the enjoy double dipping in the shared salsa! Outrageous!!

Oh, and that soda you opened that time that sprayed soda all over the place? THEY SHOOK IT UP!!

You see, what we have here is a lack of respect which needs to be corrected. We can't let these lightish red upstarts talk smack about us like that without consequences.

But we're a clean team, see? We play hard and we party hard. We don't give our socks up to anybody, no matter how much they look like that chick from that Bond movie.

So your homework for this week, due on Thursday at 6:30, is to get yourself pumped up to come out and kick some Balls!!

Let's doooo it!

Captain Big
The Team Your Team Could Smell Like

"Your toast has been burned and no amount of scraping will remove the black stuff!"

Spices Get On Their Horse: Kick Season Off With a Bam

2010-05-28T08:54:00.000-07:00

As advertised, The Team Your Team Could Smell Like came to MA Patriot’s Opening Day ready to play as they began their 2010 Founders' Cup campaign.

With a final score of 12-1, the slightly-more-maroon-and-less-cardinal-red-than-expected Spices gave Where My Pitches At a veritable trouncing as both teams shook off the rust and reacquainted themselves with Cambridge Common.

The scoring came fast and heavy in the first, starting with a grand slam by Big before the Pitches had recorded an out. RBIs by Phil, JP and Spartacus piled it on.

The Pitches managed to get on the board in the bottom of the frame with a run of their own, but the fresh defense snuffed any thought of an answering rally.

The Spices then got back into the swing of the things in the second with a two run single by Thug and an RBI double by rookie Melanie.

“Wait, I got an RBI? Awesome!” said Melanie.

Heads up baserunning, all-around hustle and the new kickballs served the Spices well as the team managed to get through the entire kicking order twice; a rare feat in WAKA kickball.

“It felt good getting back out there and putting a charge into the ball,” panted Captain Big, fresh from rounding the bases. “They’re new, so it’s like we’re kicking with corked bats. Give it two weeks and the balls will flab out and it’ll be like kicking a water balloon.”

The Team Your Team Could Smell Like didn’t reserve all of its adventures for the basepaths, however. The veteran kickballers fielded like two-time champions, as well.

Captain Monkeybutt made a pair of strong grabs in the hot corner and would’ve had a great heads up tag out had the runner not exhibited the reflexes of a ninja cat.

The Pitches’ bunt threat was shut down by heads up play behind the plate as Brow chased down a short-kick and tagged the Pitches’ captain out himself.

The play of the night, however, came in the third when, with runners on and two outs, the Pitches’ kicker caught all of a Big slider and sent the ball bombing into deep center. CF Ray, who had taken his first step in when the ball was kicked (A cardinal sin in the outfield), quickly back-pedaled, tripped over his own feet and, as he fell, caught and held onto the plummeting ball. All of Cambridge Common erupted as Ray got to his feet, still clutching the ball to his chest.

“I just saw the ball was going to hit me in the face _{(that’s what she said)} so I closed my eyes _{(that’s what she said)} and the next thing I knew I was on my back _{(that’s what she said)} and the ball was in my hands _{(that’s what she said)},” said the game MVP.

Co-Captain Colin “Man of” Steele was jubilant. “This game showed just how dominant we can be when we're not drunk on the field. Maybe we should stay sober all season... Oh, who am I kidding?”

The Spices celebrated deep into the night, showing off the new Glass Dildo Memorial MVP trophy. Big bought a pitcher for the Pitches’ first baseman whose nose Asian managed to bloody during the game. And the Spices found themselves fighting off a pair of drunk Russian Bond girls who (understandably) took a shine to their trademark socks. The Team Your Team Could Smell Like isn’t about to give up their footwear without a fight, however, which is what makes them champions… Though, hearing that a player from another team sold his socks to the girls for a pair of pitchers may change some minds…

The Spices are looking forward to carrying this momentum into next week when they face the upstart Ballstars 4.0.

Captain's Note: Booze and Rain

2010-05-26T07:08:00.000-07:00

Greetings Kickballers!

As promised, I wanted to send out an email to everyone regarding alcohol.

Again, I'd ask that, this week, everyone refrain from bringing any sort of alcohol to the field, be it mixed, jello-d or hidden in a paper bag. I asked and, even bringing Solo cups to the field that aren't filled with alcohol is banned as it was ubiquitous red cups that led to another league having their permits pulled when suspicious neighbors called the cops and parks department to complain.

Tippi did say that people might be able to bring stuff mixed in store-bought bottles, but maybe we'll consider that for future weeks. For the time being: NO booze on the fields, plzkthx!

In other news...

Predictably, Tippi's been less than sympathetic to concerns regarding Harvard's commencement, falling to her well-worn excuse: "We've played on Commencement before and it wasn't a problem."

So, while it's infuriating, it may also be moot as the weather gauge is dropping and we may be rained out, anyway.

If that's the case, Tippi's promised to call all the captains by 4 pm on Thursday so that we can let our players know before they head for the fields.

If, for some reason, you don't think an email sent out around 4 in the afternoon will be in time to keep you from heading out to the field, lemme know and I'll call/text you (If I don't already have your number, lemme know that, as well).

All right, on these downer notes, let's get pumped for Thursday! I heard that Where My Pitches At hate freedom and all drive Hummer3s. They're fans of the Yankees' AAA baseball team the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Yankees, but only because they like the hats. They know only two facts about ducks and both of them are wrong. They fill their kickballs with pure carbon dioxide and then, when they kick, try to pop the balls so that they can contribute to global warming because they think it means they won't have to wear the lovely knit sweater their aunt gave them at Christmas/Hanukkah... which they don't celebrate!!!

Let's get these jerks!

Captain Big
The Team Your Team Could Smell Like

"It's like O'Henry, and Alanis Morissette had a baby, and named it THIS EXACT SITUATION!"

THE TEAM YOUR TEAM COULD SMELL LIKE: OPENING DAY

2010-05-20T06:42:00.000-07:00

Greetings Spices!

Opening day cometh! We are now 7 days away! It's the Final Countdown! (You are encouraged to listen in another tab while you read on.)

First, for the short attention spans (*cough* Brennan)...

WHEN: 6:30(5/27)

WHERE: FIELD 2 (GRASS)

WHO: WHERE MY PITCHES AT (Texas Orange... ewwww)

REFS: BLUE STEEL

Note: We will ref the 7:15 game on Field 2 between Blue Steel and Ballstars 4.0

Please let me know if you can or cannot make it!

Please remember to bring $8 (in cash, please) for socks and the iron-ons.

Remember, also, to bring a red shirt you can wear to the bar OTHER than your WAKA shirt, since that will be coming back with Amanda and I to be washed and ironed-on!

Now, ladies and gentlemen, if you'll indulge me, I'd just like to share a few thoughts...

I've got a good feeling about this season. With all the trials and tribulations the team has been through already -- before a ball has even been kicked -- due to registration issues, communication problems and the Red Sox and Revolution's rocky starts, I think we've been tempered in the fires of a hellish early Spring.

We're ready.

We've had our training montage. We've climbed our Russian mountain (in the snow). We've sanded a Japanese veteran's entire backyard porch/garden/fence/thing. We've sung Greased Lightening and managed to hold off the "That's what she saids" until after the curtain call. We're almost as well-prepared as Jackie Chan... almost

I look back on past successes and I see the future. Why, all one has to do is watch the video to see that there's greatness here. We've made awesomeness a tradition. We're a gosh darn INSTITUTION, people! Tonight (This season), we are the greatest [kickball] team in the world (Cambridge Common... on Thursdays)!

Let's get pumped! It's kickball time, my friends!

Captain Big
The Team Your Team Could Smell Like

“[Kickball] is 90% mental. The other half is physical.” –Yogi Berra... if Yogi had played kickball...

The Team Your Team Could Smell Like: And heeeeere weeeee go!

2010-04-21T13:44:00.000-07:00

Greetings Kickballers!

Now that I have everyone's email, this our first "official" team email for the MA Patriot Summer 2010 kickball season! (pause for ovation)

Our first order of business is to welcome the new additions to the team. We have some greenhorns and a vet or two coming over.

I've already introduced you to the group that got piled in with us, but in case you missed it, please welcome Darcie Bernier, Emily Buck, Colleen Flynn, Ashley Moyes, Melanie Silverman and Paul Soucy.

Let's also welcome Nancy Bayewitch! She's a veteran of the now-defunct (maybe? unless they can get Boston to grant some permits?) Ironsides division and is jumping with both feet into the Patriot division.

Finally, the last person to join the team, but certainly not the least: Nancy Brown. You may know her from the film "BK's Fiancee". She comes with a pre-loaded nickname from her days on the elementary school fields: "The Boot".

Let's make everyone feel welcome! We are all now members of: The Team Your Team Could Smell Like.

In the interest of bringing our newbs up to speed: Our team has traditionally adopted a new moniker each season. These are typically based on topical (to varying degrees) web/movie/tv themes.

This year, we pull our names from the wildly successful (and incredibly awesome) Old Spice commercials. In case you've managed, somehow, to avoid the ads, here is the commercial of note:

Speaking of nicknames, we need one. I'm in love (literally) with this season's team name, but have to admit, it's a mouthful (TWSS) to try and fit (TWSS) into a cheer on the field.

My initial thought was "Spices", but that was a bit too easily confused with other popular references.

So then, I thought, perhaps something that's also awesome and can be linked to our name. My answer may, of course, be too awesome. I may be setting the bar too high. But here is my suggestion: "The Campbells" or "The Bruces". Eh? Ehhh? Anyway, just a thought, I welcome any and all suggestions. (Maybe "The Howsers"?

In other news, the team blog The Munt and Flip is still up and running. Here you will find game write-ups, scorelines, teammates' thoughts/ramblings, videos and other stuff. The blog is open to everyone on the team. If you'd like to contribute, lemme know and I'll add you. We've set the bar really low, so don't think whatever you have to say isn't good enough for the blog!

This season we're also going to try something new with the shirts. While the King Hippos briefly sported duct tape (ahem... *Band-Aid*) bellies at the beginning of last summer, sadly, the modifications didn't last long. This season, we'd like to try something that'll be a bit longer lasting (TWSS). Co-Captain Asian and I are going to try some iron-ons of the Old Spice ship. I've grabbed a screen shot of this t-shirt to use the ship shrunk down and placed on the chest, opposite of the WAKA emblem.

Could be awesome, could be less than. But it means, on day one, plan on wearing your team shirt during the game, but have something else you can wear to the bar. We're gonna use a permanent marker or something to put everyone's initials on their respective tags, take the shirts home, wash them, and iron the ships on. (If anyone has time during the week to come over and help out, that'd be awesome, too :) ).

Next (and I know you've all been biting your nails for this part): SOCKS! I'll order them so we can hand them out on day one, but if everyone could bring $8 (Cash, please. Exact change preferred :P ) to the field to cover the cost of socks/shipping/iron-on sheets, that'd be great.

The first game is on Thursday, May 27. No idea what the schedule looks like, yet, but I think I recognize a couple of teams from previous seasons on the Division Page (Do "Where My Pitches At?" come with a 30-something guitarist?)

We will probably, also, try and organize some pick-up games before then so people will have the chance to shake some rust off. These practices have been successful in the past and we'd love to have more. I believe Phil and his buddies generally have pick-up games most Sunday afternoons at Cambridge Common, so that's definitely worth lookin' into.

Finally, BK found a contest that Old Spice is holding that could earn us a pretty penny to put towards an epic end of season fete. It sounds like we wouldn't have to change our name or anything, we just need a picture of the squad in team regalia and maybe with a banner? (Tong?) I'll let BK educate us there.

Finally, finally: Seamus informs me that Spartacus has obtained what, and there can be no doubt, is the perfect MVP trophy for this season.

I believe the name "Glass Dildo Memorial MVP Trophy" has been suggested as a name. We need to come up with something to put inside the shell (perhaps fake tickets?) that we can write each game MVP's name on. Ideas?

A'ight, that's all I have for now, Cambells/Bruces/Howsers(?). Let the exchange commence. Thoughts, ideas, suggestions, jock jams: Keep kickin'!

Captain Big
The Team Your Team Could Smell Like

"Do you know what it's like to fall in the mud and get kicked... in the head... with an iron boot? Of course you don't, no one does. It never happens. Sorry, Ted, that's a dumb question... skip that. "

WAKA's new promotional video

2010-02-23T12:28:00.000-08:00

I'd hate to be the poor schlub they seemed to pointedly show while talking about the number of calories a man will burn during a game.

Also, am I the only one who ground my teeth everytime the PR girl misused the term "social"?

Finally: I lol'd at the video's praise of the registration system. That thing's been a joke for going on three years now from our experience.

Kickball.com looks like it's gotten another overhaul, though, so maybe this Spring'll show some improvement.

2010 Commence

2010-02-11T08:16:00.001-08:00

With a new year comes a fresh start for the Munt n' Flip kickball organization (club? treehouse?).

As we await word on where this Spring's debauchery and glory will occur, we're forced to live vicariously through the WAKA newsletter.

This last letter was of the Superlative nature as awards were handed out to teams we don't know for a competition we hadn't heard of.

The top spot for "Overall Best Team" went to Relax and Let It Happen from the TX Capital Division in Austin.

On the field, Relax and Let It Happen from the TX Capital Division in Austin has won five consecutive regular season titles and four consecutive division tournament titles, was the 2009 Texas Cup champs going 4-0 and outscored their opponents by a combined score of 20-3 all while closing down the bar the evening before. In their first appearance at the Founders Cup© World Kickball Championship© tournament, they won their first five games by a combined score of 44-0 before losing in the Quarterfinals to the eventual runner-up Best Coast Ballers. Congrats!

Is it unfair for me to look at this photo and immediately recoil? Should I feel guilty for automatically labeling this crew as "Kickball Douchebags"?

What about this photo earns earns the squad that disgust? Is it the shiny shoes? The smug, self-satisfied smiles? The conspicuous lack of girls?

Normally, I'd like to think, I'd pass off this unfiltered assumption-fest as unfair and unwarranted. But this time I hesitate to jump down my own throat so quickly, because we've seen this picture before, often as it's being taken.

Not wearing light blue, of course. Alternatively it's been orange, black and even a ridiculous red camouflage.

These are teams that have been built and designed and, at one time, I had ideas of following a similar strategy (in addition to our already wildly successful squad). They sacrifice the fun for a glory which, at its original core, was a mockery of those that now seek it too seriously. I have, since, abandoned that long-smoldering-but-never-fanned idea, but reading about these choadscrotes only re-enforces that decision.

Their real crime is that, not only do they suck the life out of their own squads, they trod over the spirits of teams who are loyal to the frivolous and pure origins of Adult Co-Ed Recreational Kickball. Our squad, with its ever-changing identity, has been consistent in a few things. Not the least of which, is in an iron-willed grip on reality: We're there to have fun. We are a recreational team that happens to be back-to-back Champions.

I'm looking forward to this coming kickball season because, this season, we're playing with a purpose. We're playing for Vegas.

We're going to do all we can to take all 26 of our team to the Founders' Cup. Not with the idea of winning the whole thing, but with the objective of packing the most ridiculous fun into one long weekend as humanly possible.

Is it defeatist to go in without the objective of bringing home the cup? No, I don't think so, just as not all Olympians are going to Vancouver this month with the plan of bringing home the gold. The goal is the experience. The goal is being there with 25 of your best kickball friends and making that hotel earn its security deposit.

I know there's snow on the ground and a few more dreary chilled months before we can venture, safely, out onto the kickball field without our Jello-shoes turning into Jello-cubes, but I want you to start kindling your kickball fire. Start thinking about what color you want to wear. Better yet, start trolling Boston Globe advice columns and Internet memes for name ideas. We're taking this name to Vegas and putting it up on the board next to any number of tired and overused puns, so this's gonna hafta be a winner.

I look forward to sharing the field with you all this season! For the moment: Stay Frosty!

Captain Big

Thanks for the Memories.

2009-12-28T11:37:00.001-08:00

Friday will be the New Year, a new decade, and eventually a new season. I'm already thinking about being drunk in some uncut city park grass on a Sunday afternoon, working on a tan I'll never get.

Part of the reason i keep playing is the drinking and the friends, but the majority is I’ve always been a big fan of the underdog. We’ve talked about making a competitive team for the 2010 season, but part of me thinks we should still take a handful of randoms, a hibachi and some Sunday field space and make a competitive team – not assemble one.

The memories I hold onto are the ones in the playoffs, where the struggling outfielders who had little success all season come up with the big catches in the clutch moments, or when an unexpected frozen rope to the shortfield gap rips a close game wide open. All of this is never more fun than when its shoved down the throat of the planned teams, the kickball equivalent of a cul-de-sac community who never saw the team with a 7-3 record on the periphery, gaining ground and still having more fun than the rest of the teams out there. As they say in politics “David’s still getting good press for beating Goliath.”

I think what most teams miss about kickball is a community they’d ignore unless shoved in their face. I remember being invited to finish a cooler of “skip and go naked” another team was trying to finish before heading to the bar. We sat in the shade, watching the ice cubes melt into the grass, getting progressively drunker, while our future bar tab got progressively smaller.

I hope this isn’t one of those things where I remember it better than it was, but as I walked the overpass catching the wind from passing busses on the pike I for whatever reason went back to that grass in some tucked away park in Somerville, near a highway and a parking plaza and life felt better for some reason. I guess I’ll hold out until April to find out.

All the best,
Brow

Final Grilled Cheese Sandwiches statistics

2009-12-08T18:19:00.001-08:00

Congratulations to everyone for a great season, especially these team leaders:

Kicking average: Kern (.769)
Kicks: Kern (10)
RKIs: Eric (8)
Runs: Phil, Eric and Pete (5)

Grilled Cheeses cream the competition

2009-11-12T06:13:00.000-08:00

The Grilled Cheese Sandwiches rebounded from a lackluster performance in the first round of the playoffs to handily defeat Kickin' It Old School in last night's Elite Eight, 5-1, and advance to Monday's Final Four.

The second-ranked Sammies next face No. 3 Chicks Like It Tickled, their toughest foe to date, with the winner earning a spot in the championship game that same night.

"We were definitely playing like ourselves again last night," said Frey, who returned to the top of the order with a clutch first-inning single. "The momentum we had last night will carry us into next week's Final Four."

Spartacus agreed, adding, "Nothing's gonna stop us now!"

The GCS crew showed an unusual display of power against KIOS, belting two home runs in the three-run second inning. Kevin led off the inning with a blast to center, and following a perfectly executed bunt single by FBJ, Pete connected on a dinger of his own.

The scoring started an inning earlier, though, as Big drove in leadoff kicker Yuval with a line drive single to left, and Colin plated Phil with a sacrifice fly to shallow, shallow right.

"OK, it was to first base," Colin sheepishly admitted after the game. "But whatever. The run scored, didn't it?"

The Grilled Cheeses' legs fell silent after the second inning, but strong defense carried them through the rest of the game. Rob's great catch in left field, Kevin's sliding catch at third and a heads-up play by Big and Max to throw a runner out at third were highlights in the field.

Grilled Cheeses not sharp, but make muenster comeback

2009-11-10T04:49:00.000-08:00

The Grilled Cheese Sandwiches narrowly avoided one of the greatest upsets in kickball history, staging a two-run rally in the bottom of the fifth inning to defeat Haay Chicken 6-5 in the first round of the playoffs.

Trailing 5-4 with two outs in the final frame, the Sammies' Kern kicked a seemingly innocuous ball back to the pitcher, who started a series of missed throws around the infield that led to Seamus scoring the tying run and then Lindsey scoring the winning run. The heroics won Kern game MVP honors, and she set a record for "game-winning triple that traveled the shortest distance."

The second-ranked Sammies improved to 6-1-1 on the year and will play in the Elite Eight on Wednesday night. If they want to advance, they will have to improve on their play against Haay Chicken, who had not won a game and scored only four runs all season.

"Our cheese got browned, but we didn't let it burn," said Nick, who had a second-inning single taken away on a controversial foul call. "We cut the crust off our Grilled Cheese tonight."

The GCS found themselves in a hole early...

"They were also losing," said Captain Colin. "Hey-o!"

... as a series of defensive blunders led to three Haay Chicken runs in the top of the first. The favorites struck back in the bottom of the inning on a two-run home run by Big. RKIs by Yuval in the second inning and Marisa in the third gave them a 4-3 lead, but that quickly disappeared as Haay Chicken scored twice in the top of the fourth to go ahead 5-4.

A great catch by Tomato in the outfield stopped any more runs from scoring, setting the stage for the Sammies' comeback. The other run scorers were Pete, Max and Phil.

Final regular season stats

2009-11-04T13:56:00.001-08:00

Grilled Cheeses finish season on a gouda note

2009-11-03T12:16:00.000-08:00

The Grilled Cheese Sandwiches did not let a depleted roster or a frigid night stop them from downing the One Kick Wonders, 7-1, in last night's regular season finale.

The Sammies now eagerly await the results of tomorrow night's games to determine their final spot in the standings and their first-round playoff matchup.

"We now eagerly await the results of tomorrow night's games to determine our final spot in the standings and our first-round playoff matchup," said Captain Colin, who went 2-for-2 with two runs scored against the Wonders.

The Grilled Cheeses celebrated a late Halloween at the game, with costume highlights provided by Big (Trojan Man), Steve (Viet Cong), Phil (a rat), Ray (Mickey Mouse), Lisa (Mario) and Kevin (rookie Teemu Selanne).

Phil got the scoring started in the first inning with a booming home run to right field. He added a fifth-inning double -- scoring for a second time on an RBI single by Kern -- and pitched one shutout inning to earn game MVP honors.

"Phil's rat costume was the shiznit," said J.P., who dressed up as a ninja.

The GCS blew the game wide open in the second inning, when three consecutive hits from Colin, Rob and Kevin loaded the bases. Frey followed with an RBI groundout, and Yuval then delivered with a two-run single.

Pope Seamus drove in Erin to increase the lead in the fourth, although his mere presence at the game was enough to will the Sammies on to victory, FBJ said.

"How could we have lost with the pope on our side?" she asked.

Kevin added the final RBI in the fifth inning, and Joba Kernberlain took the mound in the fourth to record the hold.

Stats Update

2009-10-29T19:36:00.001-07:00

Grilled Cheese Sandwiches vs. Schweaty Balls

2009-10-29T07:28:00.000-07:00

Grilled Cheese Sandwiches warming up

2009-10-08T06:14:00.000-07:00

Our passing circles impress and intimidate.

Also, I already know my rule number was wrong.

Week 3 Dryin' off at Sambas

2009-09-28T22:03:00.001-07:00

Week 2 Footage

2009-09-28T21:55:00.000-07:00

Week 2 stats update

2009-09-23T08:28:00.000-07:00

After every week's games, we'll get an update on our team's individual statistics. Of course, the only stat that matters is 2-0.

Grilled Cheeses avoid meltdown, hold on for win

2009-09-22T05:30:00.000-07:00

The Grilled Cheese Sandwiches came out kickin' last night, scoring nine runs in the first two innings and holding on for a 9-6 win over Kickin' It Old School.

The Sammies' first five kickers all reached base, including Sierra Navarra, who started the scoring onslaught with a two-run triple out of the cleanup spot. Kern followed with an RKI double and later scored on a single by Yuval, sliding into home and cutting up her leg. She is listed as probable for next week's game.

"She was pussing," Kern's roommate Squints reported this morning, in a probable HIPAA violation. The league is investigating.

Big added a first-inning RKI as well, then he and Yuval shared a really awkward post-game moment involving a french fry.

"Sweet mother of mercy this just ruined my morning," said co-captain Ray after viewing photographic evidence of said event.

The Grilled Cheeses added four runs in the next inning, including a two-run blast by Rob, who cemented his status as game MVP by stopping a fourth-inning KIOS blast that was bound to be a home run, thus preserving the lead.

"There were a lot of things that contributed to our win, but I think the key factor was that we scored more runs than the other team," said Tristan, who made his own contribution by purchasing an authentic Oktoberfest stein to be used as the team MVP trophy this season.

Asian, Seamus, Erin, Lindsey, J.P., Marshall, Marisa and Phil also played a part on offense for the Sammies, who improved to 2-0 on the year. Their next game is Monday against the Bootleggers, whose team motto is, "Some teams have kickball references in their names. Others have alcohol references. We have both."

Grilled Cheese Sandwiches don't loaf around

2009-09-15T07:39:00.000-07:00

The World Adult Kickball Association Massachusetts Minuteman Fall 2009 division got off to a glorious, uproarious and victorious start for the Grilled Cheese Sandwiches, who used a four-run, first-inning rally to catapult themselves to a 6-2 victory over Balls Deep last night.

Looking resplendent in their yellow shirts and matching socks, the Sammies showed that they will be a force to be reckoned with in all three aspects of the game: offense, defense and flip cup.

"We will be a force to be reckoned with in all three aspects of the game: offense, defense and flip cup," said Colin, who returns to the captaincy this year for the first time since guiding the Middlesex Panthers to a second-place finish in 2007.

Frey made a triumphant return to the leadoff spot, sparking the offense with a 2-for-2 performance. After a walk by Amanda and single by Sierra Navarra loaded the bases, Big delivered with a two-run double. Those two runs would be all the GCS crew needed, but they piled on two more that inning with RKIs from FBJ and Colin.

"I'm feeling good about the season!" FBJ said. "And I think we have a good team and spirit! But I have nothing clever to add."

The next inning, Lindsey drove in Seamus. (Tee hee.) And rookie J.P. made a mad scramble around the bases following Frey's fourth-inning double to score the sixth and final run, earning him game MVP honors.

"It was a great game, like Velveeta great!" J.P. said.

Gold-glover Kevin anchored a strong Grilled Cheese defense, which also featured a great catch in left field by newcomer Meghan. And starting centerfielder Kern took the mound in the fifth inning to shut down Balls Deep and earn the save.

GCS takes the field next Monday against Kicking It Old School.

2009 MA Minutemen Grilled Cheese Sandwiches Schedule

2009-09-14T07:59:00.000-07:00

New and Improved!

(click to expand)

SWEET REPEAT! King Hippos Champions!

2009-08-14T12:49:00.001-07:00

It was a banner night for the plucky and courageous King Hippos on Thursday, as the Orange stampeded to kickball glory over the course of two exciting matches.

Due to permit issues, the regularly scheduled semifinals and championship match, normally held on two fields, were confined to a single, makeshift field in the corner of the Common that led to a degree of adventure for all teams involved.

The semi-final match between the Blue Steel and league winner Scoregasm was scrubbed when Scoregasm were forced to forfeit due to a dearth of registered players.

The King Hippos then took the field against Gettin’ Cider. Cider had defeated the Hippos handily during the regular season, so the Orange were in the mood for payback.

The Hippos struck first in the bottom of the opening inning. Cider tied it in the bottom of the frame, but they would never lead.

The Hippos’ offense came to life in the second inning as the middle of the order pushed five runs across the plate.

Explosive offense, combined with cracker jack defense appeared to cow the normally feisty Cider.

The game’s webgems both went to gold glove third baseman Kevin who managed to steal a sure base kick and probable RBI with a wild diving catch. The second came on a close play at third as Reilly collected a relayed throw and, in mid-air, fired the ball into the diving runner’s back. The runner was safe, but was forced to earn it on what had no right being a close play.

“It was a thing to see, really impressive,” said Captain Big. “I’ll tell you what, you gotta love that spirit!”

The Cider managed to score three runs in the bottom of the fourth, but by then, the mood in the park showed the game’s result was a forgone conclusion. The Hippos were charging and wouldn’t be denied their triumph.

Defeating their rivals left the Hippos nearly rabid, so one almost felt sorry for their next opponents.

Fate, it would seem, is not without a sense of humor, as the 2009 MA Patriot Summer Championship turned out to be a replay of the 2008 final.

Blue Steel, the team that the then Green Team had squeaked by the previous year and managed to defeat in both of their regular season meetings this year, stepped up to the plate and the still-thundering Hippos quickly made it clear they were not about to be silenced.

The Hippos’ defense remained solid and the offense remained potent.

The Orange plated three runs in the first and another two in the second off of Season and Playoff MVP Colin “The Man Of” Steele’s first career homerun.

Steele had four RBIs on the day, his foot coming alive at just the right time for the Hippos. He was awarded the season MVP award, not solely for off-field contributions, but for a near perfect on-field performance throughout the playoffs.

“The MVP award wouldn't mean anything if we hadn't won the championship,” panted Steele. “That's always the main goal. And there's no ‘MVP’ in ‘team’. OK, there's an ‘M’, but whatever. Anyways, as I was saying, I'm honored I could help finish on top… That's what she said.”

As the light left the field, both teams began to struggle and safety, in the bottom of the fourth, became an issue. Before the Steel were able to record an out, the officials called the game to a halt for safety concerns: The final score, a convincing 10-1 for the Hippos.

Despite the game’s abbreviated nature, the Hippos were jubilant.

“It's freakin’ awesome!” cried Asian. “Hippos win! Woohoo! I'm hungry!”

“I feel fantastic!” shouted Shookie. “Like the happiest hippo alive!!”

“In Africa hippos are responsible for more deaths among humans than crocodiles,” counseled BK. “The hippo will wait just below the surface of the water and flip a passing boat, destroying the vessel and, often times, killing or seriously injuring anyone in the craft. Well, tonght, a special breed of hippos -- The Champion King Hippos -- waited just below the surface and didn't miss the chance to destroy a couple of boats named Gettin' Cider and Blue Steel.”

“I’d say that was a pretty successful season,” laughed Captain Big, eyes moist. “What a great group of players. I look forward to playing with these guys for many seasons to come.”

Most of the Hippos squad will reconvene on the hallowed fields of MA Minutemen in Somerville this fall under the banner of Grilled Cheese Sandwich. We all wish the squad continued success and spirit as they carry forth the spirit of kickball at its best and most fun.

Getting hungrier...

2009-08-13T11:09:00.000-07:00

Gettin' Hungry

2009-08-11T08:01:00.001-07:00

Captain's Note: Week Finals

2009-08-11T07:04:00.000-07:00

Greetings Hippos!

I hope you're all well-rested after a nice weekend of mild conditioning and coordination drills, no drinking or carousing, early curfews and light reading.

This week, we face our deadliest foe in Semi-Final battle: Gettin' Cider.

Never has the Common seen a team filled with such scum and villainy. Never has a kickball team been so reviled and spat upon. Never has this guy (with two thumbs) enjoyed seeing two players run smack into each other resulting in a lot of trauma over a lightly blooded lip.

The Cider are a solid team. They have a strategy. They have skill.

But they have been beaten. And according to one source, they have their own Hippo... and not the good kind. She stands over by second base and can't catch a ball to save her life.

But that all aside: We are the King Hippos, the noblest of all Hippos. We will go out there, heads held high, confident in our own skills and strategy, and in the fact that Captain Big has properly walked off the base paths.

We can adapt if their infielders prove too adept at fielding the bunt, or we can show them what a real bunt looks like.

Regardless of what happens, I want you all to know this season has been fantastic. You're the best group of kickballers I've played with since... since... well, since last season.

Go time this week is 6:30. We play on the grass field, which has been our house all season.

The Final will be played at 7:15 on the dirt between the winner of our match and the victor of the Scoregasm-Blue Steel matchup.

In other news, last week's recap is up.

As always, please let me know if you're in or if you're going to be watching us on TV from your hospital bed after being side-swiped by a pick-up after a big win and turning down your friend-from-the-other-side-of-the-tracks' offer to come out partying and then going on to compete in the Special Olympics and then dying in another car accident this time with a drunk driver.

Bummer.

GET PUMPED!

HIP HIP!

Captain Big
King Hippos

"It was Bruce Banner, not David Banner, you oppitwat."

Hippos Find Pitches – Move on to Semis

2009-08-08T10:00:00.000-07:00

Thursday saw the Hippos squad move on to the MA Patriot Summer Semis for the second consecutive year as they rumbled over the upstart Where My Pitches At, 6-1.

A late start due to equipment issues meant both sides were a little stiff as the first inning kicked off. The Hippos defense held strong all night, however, preventing the Pitches from getting anything going.

In the bottom of the first, newcomer to the top of the lineup, FBJ, kicked in her second RBI of the season as Asian was able to come around.

The third inning saw the Hippos add two more runs as both Tristan and Ray plated Tangerine and Tomato for their own RBIs.

The Pitches were able to pull one back in the top of the fourth, but the Hippos then broke it open in the bottom of the inning. The Giant part of the lineup: Big, BK and Reilly, managed to knock in three runs, including Asian, who scored twice on the night.

Her base running combined with an important catch on a towering fly ball in the Cambridge dark earned Asian the Game MVP belt which she wore with pride.

“It was a big game,” said Captain Big afterwards. “But the Hippos are big. They’ve got big hearts, big teeth and big haunches... I mean consciences. They live in big rivers and take big bites out of anyone who comes too close.”

After the victory, the Hippos are looking forward to their semi-final matchup against Gettin’ Cider.

"Right now, my focus is entirely on beating Gettin' Cider,” said team Security Specialist Tristan. “And going to the bar. Possibly not in that order."

Some are looking harder than others.

"We came. We saw. Then we didn't see too good,” spouted Brow. “We caught some balls in the face. Then I think we won. They just told me to get off the field."

Yes...this is a real song.

2009-08-05T08:23:00.001-07:00

HIPPO STOMP

From the 1971 release "Steppenwolf 7"

Words and music by Larry Byrom and John Kay

If I should go astray and say "I lost my way" nobody would know me
But if I don't believe I can and still say "Hear my plan"
Somebody would follow just because it's free

We're all Hippos rollin' down the river
Sometimes we can't touch the ground
Like Hippos slidin' in the water
Somehow we're stompin' around

If you should go astray and say "I lost my way" nobody will know you
But if you don't believe you can and still say "I'm your man"
Somebody will follow just because it's free

We're all Hippos rollin' down the river
Sometimes we can't touch the ground
Like Hippos slindin' in the water
Somehow we're stompin' around

Now you can see me lyin' down in my swamp
Any time I feel disgusted
You'll see me do the hippo stomp

You stop and watch me while you're out on your midnite romp
And I can feel the silent question
What the heck is the Hippo Stomp?

Hey! Hey! You should try it when you're feelin' blue
Let me answer you and let me tell ya true
Just how I feel when I'm down
Sometimes I wonder
You'll see me stumblin' around
But you just point and stare
Come on let me hear ya
Somewhere there's a voice down inside
And when you find it let it teach you how to ask the question "why"
Just because we live together
We don't have to like each other
So please don't fall asleep on me again
Nobody, nobody, nobody knows for sure
You just might never wake up from the dream
Hey! Speak up let me hear ya
Let me show you 'round the reservation
I know my way around these parts
I've lived here long enough
Now you can have a taste, an indication
Of things and times to come
Early in the morning, late at night
Somebody seems to know just how this thing work's right
'Cause every time I come around the corner somebody's looking out my door
He's been snoopin' like a hound
I'll grab his neck and shake him on down

Repeat Chorus

Now you can see me lyin' down in my swamp
Any time I feel disgusted
You'll see me do the Hippo Stomp

Captain's Note: PLAYOFFS

2009-08-03T15:17:00.000-07:00

Greetings Hippos!

Congratulations! You've made it! You chosen few! You band of brothers (and sisters)!

The King Hippos shall rumble into playoffs this season seeded third.

This Thursday will see the first round of playoffs as teams strive for kickball glory. It's a familiar thing, glory. We were the lucky number who held that glory last season and I think we're hungry hungry enough to grasp it again.

On Thursday we play Where My Pitches At!

We defeated this plucky squad in week three, but your captain insists you take nothing for granted. We'll take the field this week knowing there are no guarantees in kickball. There's a reason the sport isn't played on paper.

Game time is at 7:15 on field two. Let's bring our game!

Lemme know if you're in or if you're the kind of person who misses the first game of kickball playoffs (even if you've already told, me plzkthx).

We also have reffing duties for game one on field one between Scoregasm and Charity Case. I'll take whatever help I can get!

In other news: The recap for last Thursday's contest is up at the Munt And Flip.

In other other news: the End of Season Party Blowout has been planned for August 22nd, 2009 at Jose Mac's from 7PM - 10PM. We've joined forces (and budgets) with MA-Ivy division allowing us to provide not only FREE BEER, but also a host of finger food goodies for party-go-er's to nibble on. As usual, the Guest fee will be $10 a guest, and we will be holding a 50/50 raffle drawing as well, with all proceeds going towards the divisions charities!

All right boys and germs, let's take it to the Pitches this week so we can play some MORE kickball NEXT week!!!

Captain Big
King Hippos

"M1A1... thousand miles an hour..."

Hippos Meringue Key Lime Killahs

2009-08-01T15:01:00.000-07:00

Thursday was stoppage time kickball for the MA Patriot Summer 2009 kickball division as teams made up their rainout games from Week 5.

The Hippos came into the match riding high on a two game winning streak, looking to make it three. After a close game in the long grass of Cambridge Common, the plucky Hippos came out on top, 5-1.

The first four innings saw limited offensive production on both sides as both teams showed excellence on the defensive front.

Cracks began to show in the foundation, however, when the Hippos struck in the fourth as Zach managed to come home on a bunt triple by Asian which had one bench scratching their heads and the other nearly rabid with excitement.

When asked about the adventurous baserunning, Zach panted: “I dunno, I just kept running. I probably could have left third a few seconds early but, really, it’s way more fun to lunge for home you really shouldn’t.”

Karma struck back at the Hippos in the bottom of the inning, however, when Asian made a play on a high fly ball in the outfield, slipped in the swamp and managed to bicycle kick the ball further into left field, allowing the Killahs to plate their own ill-earned run.

“I don’t know where my feet went!” exclaimed Asian.

Despite the setback, the Hippos remained resolute and their drive immediately paid dividends in the top of the fifth inning.

New to the top of the order, FBJ made her way on base with a smart bunt, followed by Big who reached with a munt of his own. After Brow popped out, game MVP BK broke it open with a two run double. He and Kevin would later score on a two run triple booted by Aimee, which might been a two out double, had she not run her housemate Squints into a tag out between third and home.

Four runs, as it happened, was enough to fend off the Killahs in the bottom of the fifth, as Colin doused the Killahs comeback hopes with an impressive single handed double-play. The victory gave the Hippos their third win in a row and an extra boost to their morale as they go into playoffs the confident third seed.

“There was a great spirit out there,” said Squints. “We had an awesome crowd rooting for us and, in the end, that’s why we play kickball: for the fans.”

“I dunno about fans,” said Pete. “I play for the healthy competition. And nothing healthy isn’t better without a nice serving of dessert. This week on the menu: Key Lime Pie."

The Murderous Tom Doyle (An idea I stole…)

2009-07-28T09:45:00.000-07:00

So as you know, I play kickball on the greatest kickball team in the world (king hippos). We have multiple world kickball association records, and many more drinking records. So we join this WAKA league to grace them with our presence. As we take the field everyone’s cheering and they hand us solo cups of awesome. It’s raining but we don’t care because we’re Hippo’s and that just makes us better anyhow.

So we suit up, we take the field we get the briefing from Cap’n Big and we’re eating some “shoes” Shookie was kind enough to make and the refs call for the teams to Ro-Sham –Bo. Some teams would concern themselves with such a match up, but we’re hippos and it doesn’t bother us. We stare “away” in the face, and “away” backs down.

So we send in our delegate and he goes through the 1,2,3 and

BAM Scissors!!!

This guy doesn’t even know what hit him. Who throws scissors? This game is centered around rock right? Its paper or its rock…so he shoots again and

BAM SCISSORS!!!!

AGAIN? Who is this guy, who the fuck throws scissors TWICE???!?!?!! Scissors is barely in the rules. And just when he’s coming to grips with the reality of the situation, the Hippo looks him in the eyes and whispers

“Away…”

And now the dude doesn’t even know what to think. He gets back to his huddle and their like “how we lookin” and the guys just stammering. And his teammates grab him by the shoulders and their like “SPEAK TO ME MAN – WHAT HAPPENED” and he’s like the beat me with Scissors…

“WHAT?”

They beat me with scissors…

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE SCISSORS?”

They beat me…

“Alright team well collect yourselves, Joey you’re kicking first”

“no…they took away”

The teammate slaps him. “Collect yourself man, no one takes away”

And they guy, looking downward like his dog had been killed says “…but they did”

And Teammate glares across the field through the pouring rain. He tries to stare us down but we’ve already suited up and we’re wearing our tornados. And he turns to his buddy Jim and he’s like

“jesus Jim…their like orange zebra”

“No Diego…they are hippos”

“God help us all.”

And the top of the order lines up in the box. The pitch is thrown and it goes blowing by the hippo at

30 MPH!!!!!

The catcher tries to stop it but its going

30 MPH!!!!

It rolls into the street and cars are diving out of the way, trying to avoid the children behind said ball, there’s carnage everywhere. The pitcher opens his eyes…but it was a ball. And he took a cone in the process. He realizes the Hippo also blend in with the cones, and you can’t see it in the rain but he starts to sweat.

The hippo drops one sock down, to both show that he is in a Hippo gang, and as a direct challenge to the pitcher. With skin exposed, he assumes he can find the batter in the field of orange.

The ball approaches, the hippo drops a bunt into the dead zone. For a brief moment the world stops. The catcher looks to the pitcher. The Pitcher looks at the catcher. Third base is screaming you but no one looks to see who he’s signaling. Eventually the catcher mounds it. The hippo has been debating agricultural practices for the last 2 mins on first with Colin, who sips his “diet coke.” The option for second was there, but we’re a classy team.

The assault continues, the rain continues. Due to some poorly placed pop-fliers, the Bottom of the inning approaches. The game trucks along in a similar fashion, Ray’s name echos through the Harvard Coop and a thousane tweed jackets spin in horror. “Who is this ray.” Owen Anderson writes an anthropology paper on how Ray is all of us, and the screaming is a collective disinvolvement with a modern coporate culture. Its Harvard – he gets an “A.”

When the game is finally over, they call in an astrophysicist to make sure the comma’s for the scores are in the correct place. The Hippos march in celebratory victory toward the bar, we walk in and the bouncers and clapping, they don’t even question my expired license. I’m a hippo and age is irrelevant.

We mount the staircase, someones wearing the MVP belt – people are demanding photos with them. We’ve settled in, we’re downing Calimari, everything is wonderful…

And then the lite jazz trio beings. The clarinet

CLARINET! IN A JAZZ TRIO!!!! WTF?!?!?!!?

Begins to blow “take five” with his eyes close like only a white guy can “feel it.” His sweater is Cosby in nature. Jaws are agape, The flashing sign says “no flip cup.” The Kitchen is exploding in fire, and their shoving tables and good times into a closet in the corner, presumably to break their ribs and give them cancer.

The waitress is disinterested.

“I asked for Mozzarella Sticks” I said.

"Those are cheese fries” she snaps as she walks off.

Even in their hour of glory, even in the herd of Hazy Orange, Tommy Doyle’s has managed to take the soul from Gods.

She turns and whispers “and you’re not getting you 15% discount” she whispers. She disappears into a mob of drunk “Where my Pitches at” players and a wall of Kenny G.

Captain's Note: Week 5-... er... 9

2009-07-27T09:51:00.000-07:00

Greetings Hippos!

Welcome to stoppage time! It is time to finish what was left undone!

Week 5 kickball has risen from the dead under the guise of "Week 9 Kickball", and it couldn't have happened at a better time.

This Thursday we battle "Warriors are Back" who, aside from possibly being named after a forgettable 70s movie with an unfortunate video game re-make, are known for toppling the giants that are Scoregasm last week.

They are led by all-around nice and cool guy and Raining Sideways veteran Eric "Heat" Heaton who we HATE HATE HATE!!! (I've included him on this email)

[WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INTERRUPTION. THIS JUST IN: THE 2009 SUMMER MA PATRIOT KICKBALL TEAM FORMERLY KNOWN AS "WARRIORS ARE BACK" ARE NOW KNOWN AS "KEY LIME KILLAHS". NOW BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED CAPTAIN'S NOTE]

o.0

"Key Lime Killahs"? "Key Lime Killahs"?!?!

Who... What... I mean... How...

I'm sorry. I just can't... It's just not fair... It's like an ebonic Jimmy Buffet, I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna try and make fun of their name because it's just too much.

The deets for this week:

When: 7:15
Where: Field 2
How: With verve!

We are currently 4-3 on the season. This is the last game of the regular season. A win this week will be huge for our post-season goals. Let's bring the awesome this week!

Lemme know if you're in or if you're unconscious!

Additionally, we are slated to ref the first game on field 2 betwixt Gettin Cider (hisssss) and Where My Pitches At (yay). Any help available would be appreciated!

In other news: Brow at his best.

Captain Big
King Hippos

"Waaarriorrrrs! Come out and plaaaaAAAAaaaaaaay!!"

Blue Steel Can’t Hold Back Rampaging Hippos

2009-07-24T09:45:00.000-07:00

The King Hippos continued their winning ways against Blue Steel on Thursday when, shorthanded, they held on through a wet and wild match for a 6-1 victory.

The match started quietly as both teams acclimated to the slick surface and slippy ball. The Hippos had runners on in the first and managed to score two, but would’ve scored more had the Steel’s center fielder not wowed the crowd, reeling in a ball over his head.

The Hippos’ defense also held strong through the game, though the conditions did, at times, challenge them.

“It was a wet one out there,” griped catcher Squints. “But by the second inning, nothing was getting by me… or maybe the third…”

The Steel managed to pull a run back in the third, cutting the Hippos’ lead in half.

The fourth inning saw the Hippos break it open, however, as the offense advanced through the order for the second time, plating four runs on RBIs by Big, Squints and Catie.

It took the defensive highlight of the game, however, to prevent the Steel from rallying back in the bottom of the fourth.

With Blue Steel boasting runners at first and second with no outs, their kicker smacked a liner into left center. A hard-charging Aimee made the narrow catch in the dwindling twilight and got the ball to second to catch the runner off the bag. Big was then able to tag the runner going from first to second completing an unlikely and rare triple play.

“It would’ve been, like, 200 achievement points on Xbox Live!” crowed Big.

With vision becoming a problem on the darkening common, the Steel threatened again in the bottom of the fifth. At times, it looked like the royal blue might take some karma from their loss in the dark in the summer of 2008 final and convert a victory on Thursday.

However, the Hippos’ defense relied on their instincts and managed to frustrate the Steel’s efforts.

After the invigorating victory, the Hippos’ morale is high going into the final game of the regular season next Thursday.

Third baseman Fox was jubilant. “That Dalai Llama dude was lucky that Blue Steel only had to block a shuriken instead of stopping our herd of Hippos, because that guy would’ve been toast.”

"That was Magnum, you bombastic heliotrope," Tristan retorted.

"It was," stammered Fox. "I apologize, I was working with imperfect data."

“We all had to dig deep,” said game MVP Aimee. “We put on our game faces and embraced the monsoon. When things were looking grim with the conditions, the Hippos powered through!”

“The Hippos love playin’ in the wet,” agreed Asian.

Week 8: Captain's Note

2009-07-21T07:15:00.000-07:00

Good Morning Hippos,

I hope you had a nice sleep. I hope yer all rested up. Hope yer refreshed.

Because this week, we're administering a refresher on our opponent: Blue Steel.

That's right, they didn't get enough of a whuppin' in Week 4. They're back for more. And you know what? I think we have enough leftovers in the fridge to give 'em a second helping, AM I RIGHT?!

Hopefully, this go-round, the officiating will be a bit more... well... a bit less "Cider-ish".

Oh wait, Scoregasm is reffing... That's it's own flavor of crazy. Hopefully, this week, we won't have to put up with the Zac Drach Social Hour as he welcomes guests from all over Boston for a quick chat and movie plug.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is our second-to-last regular season game of the season. I believe our current record is 3-3. So let's finish up on a strong note, finish the season over .500!

Game time is: 7:15
We're playing: on Field 2 (Grass)
Refreshments: ???

We have no other obligations this week, either, so no need for refs or peeps to grab equipment.

Lemme know if you're Inn or vacant!

Captain Big
King Hippos

"In a car with bluetooth capabilities, the car is the headpiece!"

P.S. Sorry for the tardy recap for last week's soaring victory. I hope to have that up this afternoon. Thank you for your patience!

Hippos Back in Form at the Expense of Those in Need

2009-07-17T11:18:00.000-07:00

The Hippos returned to their winning ways on Thursday, putting together a solid victory over the upstart Charity Case, 5-2.

After Captain Big “intentionally” chose to be Away, the Hippos quickly pulled four runners across the plate, taking the pressure off the team’s pitching staff and defense before they ever took the field.

Overall, the Hippos’ offense combined for a whopping 20 hits on the day, a good sign for the rest of the season and through the post-season.

Defensively, the team was solid.

The first kick for Charity Case, however, did leave the team with the Benny Hill theme song whirling through their heads as the kicker managed to reach first and then, against all better sense, squirreled for second. When miscommunication at the middle corner led to another bobble, she headed for third and reached. However, she overran the base into foul territory and was promptly (and finally) tagged out.

After that, however, the field settled down. Kevin continued to excel at third with a number of seams that, at times, tested first baseman BK’s lobster claws. The outfield firmly prevented anything from getting behind them and were quick to get the ball back in to prevent undeserved runs and bases.

The Hippos were glad to be the mongoose(?) to the Cases’ bear. The strong win brought the team back to .500 on the season.

"Well you know,” slurred game MVP Brennan. “I don't want to say their name encouraged it, but our strat this week was to play big casino. We took 'away'. We took and held onto the lead like champs. I think when it comes down to the Hippos and any other team it just matters who’s the most hungry...hungry."

Week 7: Captain's Note

2009-07-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

Hip hip

Chin chin

HIPPOS!

Welcome to Week 7 of King Hippos Kickball!

Apologies for the tardy captain's note.

Game time fast approaches, and I know a lot of you have a fire in your bellies from last weeks teeth-grating loss.

The rest of you all have a fire in your bellies from... an alien life form that has taken root in your tummy, waiting to burst out at an inopportune time, like during a presentation at work and while talking up a girl/boy at the bar.

ANYway, here're the deets:

WHO: Charity Case (Dark red, consisting of a number of players from T's League dodgeball this past winter)
WHERE: Field 1 (the dirt!)
WHEN: 7:15 p.m.
WHY: Because we like you

According to the schedge, we have no other duties this week other than to kick ass on the field and at the bar. We're being reffed by "Where My Pitches At" (dark blue).

Lemme know who's in and who's not going to have much fun tomorrow night because there's simply not enough kickball in their life.

Charity Case is what their name implies: A group that deserves pity but is mostly ignored. Most people only talk to them because they know it'll look good on their taxes.

But let's not rule them out. Let's go in there as we always do: Heads held high, drinks also held high, perhaps being siphoned out of our cups by our tubular spectacles.

Ray, bring you that kickin' banner!

And did we have a volunteer for this week's refreshments?

Captain Big
King Hippos

Squints: come on Big
Big: where're we going? can I drive?
Squints : no you cant drive and we are going to hell im clearly in charge here
Big: OOOO! Are we taking the highway?

Hippos Rolled by Thinly Veiled Innuendo

2009-07-13T16:47:00.000-07:00

The Hippos’ hot streak came to a halt on Thursday when they were trumped on the field by Getting’ Cider, 0-4.

Despite their best efforts at showing Third Baseman Wayne a good time on his birthday, not many balls bounced the Hippos’ way on the night.

Where the Hippos will never be beat, however, is in spirit, as MVP Ray earned his belt with a fantastic banner sporting the team’s name and mascot.

“We’ll bounce back,” said Captain Big. “We’ve got a lot of fight left in us. It’ll take a lot more than that to drop us to the mat.”

By Friday evening, the loss was all but forgotten as the Hippos took the class out of the Hong Kong with arm wrestling and spilt scorpion bowls.

“I can’t wait to hit the field next Thursday,” said Asian. “We’re gonna show ‘em that the Hippos are made of harder stuff!”

Week 6: Captain's Note

2009-07-07T11:27:00.000-07:00

Greetings Hippos!

It's Week 6 and it's looking a bit more dry. So let's start getting amped up!

This week we play at 7:15 on Field 1... wait for it... against... GETTIN' CIDER!

/Pause for pandemonium

That's right, we're playing our favorite team to hate! I don't think any more need be said. Bring your A game! No, fuck that, bring your A+ game!

And, of course, the icing on the cake is that we're reffing the 6:30 game on field two featuring... WAIT FOR IT... Blue Steel!

I'll need some help, but I look forward to showing them what a properly officiated game looks like!

People it's been 13 days since we've played kickball! I know you're hungry! I know you're eager! The Hippos are agitated! Now is NOT a good time or place for Cider to cross the river! Did we give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor! Fuck no!!

Lemme know if you're in or if you're not feeling awesome this week!

Captain Big
King Hippos

"We love you Nomar!"

Week 5: Captain's Note - RAINOUT

2009-07-07T11:26:00.000-07:00

Hullo Hippos,

Tragically, the games have been called and rescheduled for the end of the season. So, stay dry tonight (Physically, if not... erm... drink-ally).

Try and channel the testosterone and energy you stored up for today's matchup into something constructive, like beer pong, or chores... preferably beer pong.

Let's have a good holiday weekend!

Captain Big
King Hippos

"Brian, don't let this girl out of the house, ever. Just keep her at home and f**k her all day long! Don't be an idiot and bring her out to see Richard Cheese!"

Week 5: Captain's Note

2009-06-29T15:30:00.000-07:00

Greetings Hippos!

It's Week 5! We're officially on the back nine of the 2009 Patriot Summer Season and, frankly, things are looking up.

We're on a two game hot streak and I really like what I'm seeing out there. The recap for last week's tragi-comedy is up on the Munt and Flip.

This week, we play "Key Lime Killas" (Formerly "Warriors are Back!"). Frankly, I don't like either of their chosen team names, so we're going to have to put it to 'em.

Game time is at 7:15 on Field 2 (grass), so let's try and gather by around 7:00.

Let me know if you're in or out.

If it's after about 4:45 on Thursday and you find out you can't make it, shoot me a text or give me a call. My phone number is: 508-789-9282.

We also have reffing duties this week at 6:30 on field 2. I'd love to have some volunteers.

Anybody wanna come out and officiate Gettin' Cider? (he asked, knowingly)

They're playing "Where My Pitches At", who've proven themselves a fun team this season. Let's make sure the game is clean.

All right ladies and pachyderms: Let's GET IT ON!

Captain Big
King Hippos

"Don't switch the blade on the man in shades, oh no."

Hippos are Streaking!

2009-06-29T10:19:00.000-07:00

The King Hippos pulled together for their second-straight victory, vanquishing Blue Steel 4-2.

A rematch of the 2008 Patriot Summer Division Finals, Steel vs. Hippos was the game of the week.

In their previous outing, the then-Green Team defeated Blue Steel with a walk-off kick in the Cambridge twilight to take the Division Championship.

The two teams respect each other and their histories, and approached this week’s match conservatively.

Both teams struggled to find a groove early on, though the Hippos’ offense managed to put together a string of base hits and drove in a run in the first and second innings. Aimee and Pete came through with each of those RBI strikes, driving in Brow and Colin respectively.

The Hippos then broke it open in the third inning, plating two runs off kicks by Rachael and Zach, driving in Seamus (with an run-saving home plate slide) and Ray.

Blue Steel’s offense kicked it into overdrive in the last two innings, however, plating a run in each. They also managed to consistently put runners on base, making things interesting. Fans of the Orange Tornados held their collective breath.

The Hippos’ defense came up huge, however, thwarting two Blue Steel rallies which could have snatched victory away from the up-start Hippopotami.

Game MVP Lisa channeled her inner Pedroia, standing up to a large, on-rushing baserunner to hold onto a throw from third for the put-out at second. She was also involved in a number of other plays at second, proving herself a plucky infielder who we’ll enjoy watching throughout the rest of the season.

The outfield play of the night went to last week’s MVP, Tangerine. Her Ken-Griffey-Jr-esque snag in Right Center, not only took away a number of Blue Steel runs and, at the very least, extra bases for the kicker, but is also worthy of a spot on the season’s highlight reel.

A third close play prevented another Blue Steel run when Kevin managed to peg a runner a bare step from home between the shoulder blades. After the match, the runner, who had slid safely into both second and third that inning, wondered aloud why he didn’t do the same at home plate.

In spite of some… adventurous officiating, this match lived up to the pre-game hype and is definitely a highlight of the season’s first half. As the Patriot division moves past the All-Star Break, however, the Hippos are looking forward.

“That win puts us back at .500 -- the first stop on our march to taking the championship in this league two seasons running,” said BK, the Hippos’ veteran center fielder and all-around nice guy. “After beating Blue Steel, I feel that we're hitting our stride. These Hippos are hungry, hungry and repeat words words. Watch out.”

Celebrating Diversity!

2009-06-24T08:04:00.001-07:00

Given the diversity of kickball in general, and our team in particular (two asians!), I felt that I should share this important message from the Delaware Department of Transportation.

Seriously. They actually published this.

Comments you never want to make to a coworker

Week 4: Captain's Note

2009-06-22T19:48:00.000-07:00

Greetings Hippos,

It is Week 4 of the Summer Patriot Division and you know what that means:

We play Blue Steel!

Blue Steel is the team that the Green Team defeated in the 2008 Summer Division Championship. Not only have they held on their same old boring name, they've also held onto the grudge of last year's defeat.

We've got our work cut out for us, Hippos. Evidently, the Steel gave Charity Case a pretty good drubbing last week. But you know what? I have faith in you. Each and every one of you. Because you know what? You got heart. And you got pride. You're not afraid to get your socks dirty but keep your game clean. You're already champions in my book.

Let's win this one for those who couldn't play with us this Thursday. The Yuvals. The Hinses. Hell, let's win it for a Weintraub. Let's do
em all proud.

Game time is at 6:30 on Field 2. We've been pushed back to the grass this week, but at least we don't have to worry about reffing or equipment this week. Let's beat em on the field and then beat them to the bar.

The weather forecast, currently isn't too good. But you know what? We're tough. We come to play and, I've been told, Frey and FBJ will be providing warming refreshments. If you still doubt, just listen to Brow-han. He's lived the nightmare of the canceled game. If that doesn't give you the willies, I don't know what will. So let his inspiring words warm your heart and put some pop in your step!

Finally, the Recap for last week's victory is up. We're on a roll, Hippos! Let's keep it goin'!

Captain Big
King Hippos

"I play Golden Tee better when I'm wasted! I want another shot at the Fox!"

The Munt for Cold October

2009-06-22T09:19:00.000-07:00

As you may know, I play in a Sunday league as well. I am nothing if not adulterous. After our Thursday game, I had to conclude that this new breed of sportsman; the Kickballer, was made of tougher things, a throwback to the greatest generation, we were tight with our trophies, the rain wasn’t an obstacle it was an ushering in of new strategy. (Rain = kickaway). But Sunday I was inches from the park when I received a text message. It was one of our own, retracting her lament of absence because the games had been cancelled due to weather.

Frustrations aside, I had time to contemplate my positioning in the athletic world, and what it meant to play Kickball, or any co-ed recreational sport for that matter. There was a time where I thought to play seriously, you had to admit a few things: you were never getting a professional contract so you were playing for fun; you risked injury, roughed work on 3 hours sleep hungover for the love of the game. That you played co-ed sports, and with the patriarchy being what it is, no Basketball-dream was ever going to pull you to the promised land of professional sports. And that because of this love, come hell or high-water, snow or rain, 90-degree heat waves or the 5 day mist-storms that give everyone the flu, you were going to play regardless.

But Sunday was cancelled. Sunday, unlike Thursday, plays on two grass fields. I’m no Botanist but does grass absorb the water? Shouldn’t our fields be resilient like we were? I will concede some points. For those who aren’t aware, I should point out two things:

1. I am a die-hard Yankee. I feel that being born here means we’re of a higher bloodline than most other people. And if you’re not from here, take heart that you had to good foresight to move here. We live through shit weather on a regular basis. We eat seafood, we have basements. American runs on Dunkin – think of that arrogance. New England runs on Dunkin, we just believe the rest of the world should be like us.

2. Our league rep (who shall remain nameless) is from CA. I’m sure every day here looks like a “call the game, the weathers miserable” day.

Can I fault a man of such dimensions? Being the open locationalist that I am, I’ve come to expect as much from those who think 70 degrees demands a sweater. But we’re talking about a national interest here. There’s an honor is reefing with a solo cup, there’s a pride in walking through commercial traffic in sherbet-colored knee-highs, and who wouldn’t want to walk around with the MVP belt this season. I know I certainly aim to in all aspects of play.

But if we’re prepared to defend our way of life and culture in the herds in Harvard Square, I believe we should too defend our right to damn the weather patterns attempt to prohibit us from play. We’ve been resolute in our determination to never go another week without something to look forward to, we’ve been stalwart in circumventing the prohibition that still lingers in PC-Cambridge’s public land, and here too we should take a stand. A stand against perfect conditions and manicured fields, a resistance to government intervention for our alcoholism, and a stand against giving up the only thing that gives us hope in our otherwise miserable so-this-is-the-real-world lives.

Stay hungry Hippo’s, and kick away.

The Brow

Hippos Get First Taste of Victory

2009-06-20T20:58:00.001-07:00

As the rain drizzled on Thursday, many wondered if the week's matches would be happening.

"Games are a go!! Good Luck!!" was the word from the division's Twitter account, however, and the adventure began.

The noble Hippos were ready for a win, by golly, and they'd play in the rain and mud to get it. At the end of the day, their soggy resolve was rewarded as they defeated Where My Pitches At 5-0.

The defense held strong all day, frustrating the Pitches' offensive efforts at every turn.

Brow started off the on-field heroics with a great catch in right field and then a heads up throw to first, leading to a key double play.

Spartacus showed her inner-Pedroia, fielding a sharply kicked ball and getting the put-out at first.

Game MVP Tangerine used arms and face to reel in a line drive up the middle.

Offensively, the Hippos brought their A-game. The bottom half of the lineup rallied for two runs in the third inning. FBJ and Ray combined for the game-winning run and RBI.

Big then connected for his first hit of the season, a three run homer in the fourth that slipped through center field.

As a team, the Hippos combined for 14 hits. Tristan, Asian and Frey's hot streaks continued as they've maintained 1.00 batting averages through three games.

Overall, it was a very satisfying win for players and fans alike.

"It was nice to get a win under our belts," said manager and team bookkeeper Asian. "I think we just needed a couple of weeks to warm up. Victory is mine!!" She then shuffled off, legs churning like Stewie Griffin's.

Week 3: Captain's Note

2009-06-20T06:35:00.000-07:00

Hello Hippos!

I hope you're ready. I hope you're hungry. I hope you're thirsty.

Because, once again, it's week 3 of Patriot Summer Division Kickball.

This week we're playing at 7:30 on Field 1 (DIRT! YES!) against "Where My Pitches At".

Aside from being a new team with a completely unoriginal moniker, these guys also aren't perfect. They lost to Spanking Machine during week one play, 1-2. They are eminently beatable, as long as we play our game. So I want you guys pumped up for some Killer Kickball (tm)!

We also have equipment and reffing duties this week. So I could use some help in the form of corner refs at the 6:30 game, and if anyone is willing to grab the equipment gab from Tommy Doyles, that would also be awesome.

In other news: News!

Both Tristan and Colin posted entries to the team blog. Tristan has offered us insight into a world where drinking games aren't limited to just ONE table. Nay, Tristan writes, let us play a game with not one, not two, not three but FOUR tables! It's Epic.

Colin has contributed to the madness not Once but Twice! Come see the infamy!

Finally, the recap for last week's game has also been posted.

SO, lemme know if you're gonna make it to this week's game! And lemme know if you are willing to help out with equipment and/or reffing duties! Let's get ready to run on the dirt!

Captain Big
King Hippos

"I met a kitten on the penthouse deck / into my ear he whispered kill me kill me / I walked straight over to the penthouse ledge / but then a crowd began to gather round me "

Hippos Foiled in Last Second Rally

2009-06-16T11:07:00.000-07:00

It was Mustache Day at the park this week, but the Hippos’ early season woes continued on Thursday, when they fell to the Spanking Machine, 3-4.

The Orange Shirts’ offense came alive this week, plating runs in over half of the game’s innings. Though the score might not be impressive, only a few unlucky bounces prevented the Hippos from breaking the game wide open.

Tristan led off with a single in the first inning, and came around to score on a well-placed RBI bunt by Asian. Bold and heads-up baserunning by Frey almost cherry-picked a second run on the same play, exploiting the Machine’s confused fielders. However, she was tagged out at the very last second.

“She ran like a gazelle,” beamed Captain Big. “A little dancer’s stutter step at the end is the only thing that gave the Machines a chance to recover. She may have been tagged, but she went out with undeniable style. Only an alumnus of the Jeanette Neill Dance Studio could almost cross home with such grace.”

The defense held strong during the game, with continued solid play at the corners. The games’ Webgem, however, came in the fourth inning when game MVP Catie, the Hippos’ diminutive left-fielder, reeled in a high pop-fly that might have eaten up a lesser fielder.

“I've spent three seasons just looking cute in the outfield,” Catie said. “I'm glad I could finally contribute to the team!”

In the end, however, The Spanking Machine were able to take advantage of some lucky bounces and produce just enough offense to eek out a victory over the home team. The King Hippos remain resolute, however; confident of their destiny as Division Champions.

Veteran Hippos First Baseman Colin "Paul Konerko" Steele said, “It's not how you start. It's how you finish -- that's what she said -- and I'm sure the King Hippos will finish strong."

Week 2: Captain's Note

2009-06-09T10:30:00.000-07:00

Greetings Hippos!

Welcome to Week 2 of Summer kickball!

This week's opponent: Spanking Machine! (Boo! Hiss!)

Game time is at 6.30 pm (again) on Field 2 (again).

Let's enact some Corporal Punishment on Spanking Machine! Can we do it? Yes we CANE!

Sounds like Squints and Kern are on booze duty this week, so make sure you have something in your stomach. These people are reckless!

The weather says it's going to be wet, so bring something waterproof. If you have cleats, bring 'em. If you thought the grass was slick last week, it'll be even more so in the wet.

Once again, please let me know if you'll be able to make it this week so I can put together the lineups!

Captain Big
King Hippos

"Mr. FAY: Yes. The flogger tested the cane a few times, to make sure. He would whip it. Yeah, whip it in the air. "